To not want them staying here?

[Guppypuppy1]

Stbexh and I are living separately.

I bought our house with inheritance and it's in my name so I'm staying in it with our child and he has moved out to a friend's house until he can rent somewhere else in the New Year.

He called me yesterday to say that he's struggling with what to do about his two older DC. They had a room here and it still has things in it that he hasn't been able to take yet like beds and TV.

Their mum is complaining that she is basically having to now have them every night (used to be here 2 night one week and 3 the next) and it's messing up her work. I believe H is still having them during the day but just can't have them over night at his friends so has to take them back.

He's helpfully suggested to me that I have them overnight when he should be at the house and they can stay in their room like normal until God knows when.

AIBU to say no?

He's a typical one you read about on here who left absolutely everything to me for our child and also DSC. One of the things I said when we separated was that I wouldn't be opening those flood gates in terms of care for DSC post separation because he'd take advantage.

I don't want him staying here either for those nights and tbf neither does he.

Imo this is his issue. He should have been a better partner.

To be perfectly honest no I don't feel particularly close to them nor do I miss them, I don't have any intention of forging a separate continuing relationship with the children now mine and his has ended.

They are my child's siblings of course so I'm sure I'll still see them at points and I want my child to have a relationship with them but to me that should be when they are all with their Dad.

His ex works nights which is the issue so I think he's under quite a bit of pressure to sort something out

He uses a hotel or their stepfather babysits them at night only.

I am amazed he isn't going for a share of your house though and has moved out rather than refusing to leave the family home.

Ah, just read he may get the £ from the sale of your old house. That makes sense.
His ex's husband will just have to step up then in the meantime or he takes the children to his parents?

Just say no.

Poor children, but end of the day why hasn't he sorted out a rental? He's left it all to you to bring them up for 8 years and now he's doing the exact same thing and you aren't even together! He could sort a air BnB easily.

Not my circus, not my monkeys as the saying goes.

Tell him to hire a storage facility and get the stuff out of the room. Once empty you can get on and carry out your plans for it

Lenald
but if I was him I would move myself back in with the kids as legally entitled if the kids had no where else to go 🤷🏻‍♀️
He isn’t a legal owner of the home so I don’t think there is any legal entitlement unless and until there is a divorce.

No… his kids, his responsibility

Do men belong to secret clubs that teach them how to be manipulative cheeky fuckers? He's got a nerve, trying to guilt you into looking after his children, no way should you. Their stepfather won't do it for them & his partner, in their home, wtf should you? Ex needs to sort this himself. Nothing to do with you.

They don't need lessons, manipulating women into doing the work so that they can take the credit is what comes naturally to them
But now we can see it so the game's up boys

And leaving the furniture in your house is a strategy to try and keep a foot in the door, he doesn't want to let go of any usefulness that you might provide OP

By and large men have children because it gives them status in the eyes of other men it also makes them seem like stable reliable capable family men which makes it easier to get a good job and earn good money.
They do not expect to have to do the boring unpaid low status restrictive work of actually caring for and parenting their children, that's why they do everything they can to manipulate women into doing that work so they can live their lives for themselves, invest their time in themselves.
As women are increasingly seeing this and refusing to comply men will increasingly not want to be parents.

He's hilarious isn't he 😂😂😂

Sorry - they're your responsibility not mine. All the best!

Bingo 👏

Say no. Ignore all blame and whining. This is no way no how your problem to solve. Ex and his dc's mum will need to sort out childcare between them. Paid or otherwise.

If he was a hands on Dad, I'd say it would be good for the kids to help him out BUT it sounds like he'll just leave everything to you and this could really complicate the separation going forward.

I think you have to take the hard line, really. If not he could drag his heals getting a place for months and all of the inconvenience will fall to you.

not sure why he doesnt just stay at the mothers house if she needs the help

Ah right, if that's how you feel then I take back my previous answer. You would just resent them being there. Hopefully their parents can sort the situation out. Poor kiddos

Because he and his ex have used the OP as a mug for skivvy au pair work and feel fully entitled to the arrangement continuing.

The ex's partner who lives in the resident home of these children does not feel the least bit obligated to mind these children.

So naturally the ex wants muggins to continue to be unpaid skivvy.

The OP'S whiny ex is many years using her and beating her over the head with accusations of "not caring for his children"🙄.

Of course he doesn't want that arrangement to end.

The OP has been used like a mug by them both.

I sincerely hope she has learnt from this mess and waste of her time and does www.freedomprogramme.co.uk to help her develop boundaries before she goes within 100 metres of another man.

No, its not. Don't let your ex or anyone else try to make you believe it is

This sounds like a “him” problem

It would be a no from me.