To not want them staying here?

[Guppypuppy1]

Stbexh and I are living separately.

I bought our house with inheritance and it's in my name so I'm staying in it with our child and he has moved out to a friend's house until he can rent somewhere else in the New Year.

He called me yesterday to say that he's struggling with what to do about his two older DC. They had a room here and it still has things in it that he hasn't been able to take yet like beds and TV.

Their mum is complaining that she is basically having to now have them every night (used to be here 2 night one week and 3 the next) and it's messing up her work. I believe H is still having them during the day but just can't have them over night at his friends so has to take them back.

He's helpfully suggested to me that I have them overnight when he should be at the house and they can stay in their room like normal until God knows when.

AIBU to say no?

He's a typical one you read about on here who left absolutely everything to me for our child and also DSC. One of the things I said when we separated was that I wouldn't be opening those flood gates in terms of care for DSC post separation because he'd take advantage.

I don't want him staying here either for those nights and tbf neither does he.

Imo this is his issue. He should have been a better partner.

Of course you say no, if dad can’t have the kids mum needs to and, equally, vice versa. I really do feel sorry for the kids though, they didn’t exactly win life’s lottery with their parents.

God he’s a twat. A reminder, should you have needed one, that he’s manipulative, selfish and a user who thinks you exist to serve him.

Well done for not falling for the rubbish that has had you used by both parents for years.

Let him sort his children out witj his Ex.

He's probably too busy online trying to suss out the next poor mug to line up to rear his poor children.

He can piss off can’t he? Doesn’t sound like he learnt the first time his relationship broke down or now the second time. Say no and keep saying no. This is on him to sort out.

He can book a hotel or Airbnb.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

MummyInTheNecropolis · Today 08:47

Absolutely no way, do not agree to this. Once you start it will never end.

That's exactly what I thought. He'll end up getting you to take them more and more, if you agree and call you unreasonable when you can't. You're well shot of him, the children are his and their mother's responsibility. If it was a one off emergency, that would be one thing, but don't agree to this.

I don’t mean this in a horrible way… do you not have a bond with them? Either way it’s your life and your family I just think this is all a little sad, everyone arguing about not wanting the kids. Must be hurtful for them.

Will you miss them or is that (your relationship with the kids) done now?

I’m not judging or accusing or placing blame, I just feel pretty sad for them.

Find out how much it would cost for him to book a Premier Inn for them all, then tell him you’ll happily childmind his kids for double that sum.

It's outrageous that they can't stay in their own home.

If he is renting somewhere else in the New Year then it's a non issue as he'll be able to have them again soon enough?

I feel for the step kids (and the mother if it's messing up her actual work life) but I wouldn't be agreeing the have them. It's just a step too far.

Hopefully this puts a rocket up his arse to sort a new place out?

I have a family member who lives hours away from his kids, he has them EOW and drives to their town, he stays in a cheap hotel for the weekend with them so he can still spend time with them and take them out etc, would that be an option for him?

If you were married he has rights to your home even if in your name. It is a joint matrimonial asset
if he is struggling to find somewhere to live with the children the courts will prioritise this under the 10 or so criteria used o determine “fair settlement”. After a 7 year relationship the court is highly unlikely to ring fence “your” inheritance.
you need to confirm what your likely divorce settlement will look like . If he is currently not claiming half your home then I’d be looking at being fairly flexible to keep him on side until you have a full financial settlement ent in place. In truth he does not have to move out of your home at all currently if you were married.

sorry, not what you want to hear. But you need to understand your position re finances on your separations , and that involves child contact arrangements etc .

look at the Advice Now guides for help in understanding your position. Link is at top of page of the divorce/seperation talk board

Op isn’t in a relationship with their father anymore so it kind of isn’t their home anymore. That’s just how it works when the relationship breaks down.
OP needs to set a precedent that will either have boundaries or not. And one where everyone either moves on or doesn’t.

I think you need legal advice because as I understand it that house is as much his as it is yours and he could just move back in. But no I would not agree to be unpaid childcare for his kids. Their parents need to sort it out.

I assume that’s aimed at their mother’s partner. He’s the one who won’t facilitate contact unless their mother is there. And he’s still with her.

What a tough situation. Even though he is a CF, I would probably do it tbh. Its not the kids fault is it and if you were together for 8 years I guess you have a good relationship with them. I would be on his case to sort his living situation out ASAP though

I'm not with their dad anymore so is it their home anymore?

The step dad shouldn't be able to say no. It's their home.

I expect the poster means their home where their stepdad is.

Nope. If you don't draw the line here then where?

They have two parents, they need to sort it themselves. The obvious answer is that he stay at her house while she works. If she doesn't want him in her house then why on earth does she expect you to have them all in your house?

What? I missed this!
So the kids aren't allowed to stay in their own home! Because her new boyfriend doesn't want them there without her? Jesus.
Poor kids

Ah fair enough. I don't blame him for not wanting to personally!

in the eyes of the law he probably is entitled to some so I would say yes. And if he’s renting in Jan it’s only a couple of weeks.

someone said you’d been together for 8 years? Personally I would do a couple nights a week for 3/4 weeks then on no uncertain terms would their parents have to sort it after that.

them poor children, so upsetting.

but if I was him I would move myself back in with the kids as legally entitled if the kids had no where else to go 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nope not their home any more if their own dad isn't there.

but if I was him I would move myself back in with the kids as legally entitled if the kids had no where else to go

His suggestion isn't that he moves in though, it's that the children come to stay without him. He doesn't want to come here, it's not exactly amicable right now.