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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wont stop asking!

852 replies

Castleontheisland · 28/12/2022 05:05

Name changed for this as my other threads are quite outing. Sorry its long!

Me and partner are away for a few days over Christmas, our next door neighbour has a spare key for our house for emergencies (we have their spare house key as well). We are not close friends just normal neighbours, They have had family visiting over Christmas/new year. On boxing day they text me and asked if some of their family could sleep in our home as more of the family had arrive unexpectedly! We said no because beds need changing and heating not on etc.(also I dont want strangers in my home)Well since then we have had text after text asking over and over again! I have also repeatedly tried to ring them but they are not picking up! The last one was very late last night (I was already in bed asleep)asking again and saying the family who they want to stay's car has broken down! I feel like packing up here and going home now as so worried they will just use my house anyway! I dont have any friends or family nearby who can check on my home. My partner has said they surely wont just use our house but I'm not sure they wont. 😥

OP posts:
ridiculoso82 · 03/01/2023 11:06

Emotionalsupportviper · 03/01/2023 08:58

Give her a bill for the holiday duration usage of your TV etc, plus one for laundry detergent, bleach, carpet shampoo and the hire of one of those machines.

If she complains say you need to remove any trace of them from your home because the very thought of them using any of your stuff makes you feel physically sick!

You won't get anything, but it will let her know how you feel about her and her equally appalling relatives.

would you really do this?

seems sort of thing you’d suggest to someone to do but actually in reality… no way would you do this!!

rainbowstardrops · 03/01/2023 13:35

Cheeky buggers!!! They asked, you said no and yet they still went in anyway!!! I'd be livid!

Emotionalsupportviper · 03/01/2023 17:11

ridiculoso82 · 03/01/2023 11:06

would you really do this?

seems sort of thing you’d suggest to someone to do but actually in reality… no way would you do this!!

I think I would, yes. Because I would still be fewmin'

I wouldn't expect to achieve anything except letting her know how contemptuous her behaviour was, but I would do it. Ten years ago I wouldn't have had the bottle, but I've hardened up a lot since then, and something like this would make me angry enough to go for it.

ridiculoso82 · 03/01/2023 17:44

I suspect though it may become a source of mirth around her family dinner table!

Emotionalsupportviper · 03/01/2023 20:59

ridiculoso82 · 03/01/2023 17:44

I suspect though it may become a source of mirth around her family dinner table!

I could live with that.

After all, I have already humiliated myself on here by using "contemptuous" instead of "contemptible" . . . 😶

(The shame . . . 😳. . . 😂)

ridiculoso82 · 03/01/2023 21:10

Emotionalsupportviper · 03/01/2023 20:59

I could live with that.

After all, I have already humiliated myself on here by using "contemptuous" instead of "contemptible" . . . 😶

(The shame . . . 😳. . . 😂)

I wouldn’t want to give them the satisfaction of my response being comedic fodder for their family

TitsInAbsentia · 03/01/2023 22:26

@Castleontheisland this won't show you the times things were watched on your netflix but it will show you dates and programmes, that will give you an idea of a) whether they were already in before she texted you about access and b) roughly how long there were in there! help.netflix.com/en/node/101917#:~:text=You%20can%20see%20the%20TV,Open%20Viewing%20activity.

JoanOfAllTrades · 03/01/2023 23:02

@Castleontheisland

I hope you are feeling better now.

I would do what @Emotionalsupportviper suggested using the information that @TitsInAbsentia link will give you.

In this way, you can properly charge her for:

> using your electricity (TV costs, lighting costs, broadband running costs, etc.,),

> gas (heating costs, etc.,),

> Netflix costs (how much you pay per day),

> Sky costs (as per Netflix),

> laundry costs (running machine, detergent etc.,),

> hire of the carpet shampooer,

> costs of lock changes,

> nominal food/drink costs,

> water usage charges and portion of the water rates costs.

Make sure you keep receipts for the lock changes, carpet shampooer, etc.

I would send the bill with a letter allowing her XX amount of time to pay up or be taken to court. Make sure you keep a copy of both and send it through the post via whatever it’s called when the addressee has to sign for mail (recorded or registered delivery?) and make sure that you go online and get a copy of the proof of receipt (I think it’s a copy of the thing they have to sign when the postie delivers - I apologise as it’s been a long time since I used UK postal services).

When she doesn’t pay up, call that Judge Rinder show up and see if you can get on that because he’ll give her what for!

Otherwise just make a claim through the small claims court as I think you can ask for about £5,000 and I’m pretty sure that the bill won’t be that much.

I don’t think she would have a leg to stand on, because she used your key to gain entry to your house, illegally, and then helped herself to your goods and chattels via a third party (grandchildren) which she admitted to you.

Let her laugh about the comedic value of that! I think you’ve burnt your bridges with your neighbour anyway so what do you have to lose? The law is quite clear cut - taking someone else’s goods is theft; she stole from you via her grandchildren. You can’t get that electricity, gas, water, etc., back so she could be considered to have permanently deprived you of those things - the textbook definition of theft.

Now I’m thinking about that, I must remember to ask my dad (retired barrister) if this actually is theft and how successful a small claims would be, but due to the time differences between where I live and the UK, I think it’s pretty late in the UK (must be at least around 11pm-ish, and since he always answers my messages immediately, I don’t want him waking up for prayers and then staying up talking to me) but I’m interested to know and will post and let you all know the reply!

MavisMcMinty · 04/01/2023 02:13

Wow, that’s very OTT. She’s been found out, she’s had the key taken off her, she knows she did wrong. I think that’s punishment enough for the neighbour. Who TF could be arsed with all that palaver you’ve listed above?

Murdoch1949 · 04/01/2023 02:45

Absolutely staggering that your neighbour would allow your house to be used without your permission. If the grandaughters' story is true, (IF) who on earth would allow unsupervised children/teenagers into a neighbour's home? Can you imagine the conversation, oh, you're bored, why not pop next door and watch their Sky/Netflix for the afternoon. Never happened. They had their overspill guests sleeping in your home overnight, and have cobbled up what they thought would be an acceptable use of your home (in their twisted heads). I would send a recorded delivery letter to them, informing them that you are aware that they entered your house without permission and used the facilities, that you regard this as trespass and will be taking further action.

JoanOfAllTrades · 04/01/2023 04:25

@MavisMcMinty

It's my ND brain! I would do that because I’m me, but I realise most people couldn’t be bothered.

And I don’t feel like taking your key off your neighbour is a punishment! The neighbour has grossly ruined any trust that the OP had in her! And the relationship between them is now extremely soured so what’s to lose?

Herejustforthisone · 04/01/2023 09:44

I’ve had people let themselves secretly into my house when I’ve been away. They’ve used the pool, watched my TVs, brought their own guests… it was an absolute fucking violation and I am now reliving how totally and utterly rage-filled I was when I found out.

pinkyredrose · 04/01/2023 09:53

MavisMcMinty · 04/01/2023 02:13

Wow, that’s very OTT. She’s been found out, she’s had the key taken off her, she knows she did wrong. I think that’s punishment enough for the neighbour. Who TF could be arsed with all that palaver you’ve listed above?

How is that 'punishment'?

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/01/2023 10:48

MavisMcMinty · 04/01/2023 02:13

Wow, that’s very OTT. She’s been found out, she’s had the key taken off her, she knows she did wrong. I think that’s punishment enough for the neighbour. Who TF could be arsed with all that palaver you’ve listed above?

I could.

I really could, because she (neighbour) still thinks she's done nothing wrong and will do it again if she has the opportunity. As it is she's "stolen" very comfortable accommodation correlatives for at least one day.

I also suspect that something has got broken or stained etc, and that if it hadn't then she wouldn't have been trying to cover her backside by repeatedly asking permission and ignoring phone calls etc.

Check the fridge and drink bottles OP. Has anything been eaten (Oh - and just for hygiene reasons, if you had any open bottles of spirits, claim for them. Give them to your neighbour and ask her for the replacement value - you have no idea who has been in your house or what they may have donees a "joke", especially if they've been tipsy - even if it isn't on your drink.

I'll be interested to hear a lawyer's opinion, too. It's not something I'd employ a solicitor for as that would be expensive, but I'd certainly go down the small claims route if need be.

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/01/2023 10:52

*for relatives, nor correlatives

(Start the year as you mean to go on, Autocarrot)

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/01/2023 10:53

Herejustforthisone · 04/01/2023 09:44

I’ve had people let themselves secretly into my house when I’ve been away. They’ve used the pool, watched my TVs, brought their own guests… it was an absolute fucking violation and I am now reliving how totally and utterly rage-filled I was when I found out.

It IS a violation.

It would knock me sick, tbh.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 04/01/2023 14:16

Herejustforthisone · 04/01/2023 09:44

I’ve had people let themselves secretly into my house when I’ve been away. They’ve used the pool, watched my TVs, brought their own guests… it was an absolute fucking violation and I am now reliving how totally and utterly rage-filled I was when I found out.

Are you the poster that the neighbours asked to use your pool whilst you were away, and you told them no? I remember a thread like that, I think they had a combination lock, can't remember the outcome.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 06/01/2023 13:57

MavisMcMinty · 04/01/2023 02:13

Wow, that’s very OTT. She’s been found out, she’s had the key taken off her, she knows she did wrong. I think that’s punishment enough for the neighbour. Who TF could be arsed with all that palaver you’ve listed above?

I could definitely be arsed to do that.

I would be incandescent with rage at the entitlement, and if this was the way I could get my own back - then so be it.

MavisMcMinty · 06/01/2023 14:12

Fair enough, we’re all different, but imo most people will have far too much else going on in their lives to devote loads of time and money on an offence that can’t happen again because the neighbour no longer has the key (and hopefully OP will change the locks in case other keys have been cut). If you were the neighbour, would you consider doing this to anyone else ever again? Hopefully she’s learnt a lesson, and she’s certainly lost a friendly neighbour.

Castleontheisland · 07/01/2023 05:09

Hello all, finally over covid and been able to go outside for some fresh air. The neighbour over the road came over and asked me if I have had a nice Christmas. I told her about just getting over covid/cough etc.and also told her about me being angry with next door neighbour and what she had done. Apparently the men from next door had been in and out of my house on boxing day (the footy was on sky) the neighbour over road told me. And the grandkids were in and out more than a couple of times. I knocked on next door neighbour to tell her what a bloody joke it was and how disgusting her behaviour was! She just stood there! I dont think she bloody gets it. I also didn't know that when we are at work her daughter when visiting parks on our drive! Partner has now put a lock/chain on gates so she cant do that anymore! I am baffled how some people think this is ok! I have also told her we have a camera recording the house and not to ever step onto my property again. Apparently her daughter is a confronting type if person so I will have to see what happens when she nexts visits her mother

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 07/01/2023 05:25

Castleontheisland · 07/01/2023 05:09

Hello all, finally over covid and been able to go outside for some fresh air. The neighbour over the road came over and asked me if I have had a nice Christmas. I told her about just getting over covid/cough etc.and also told her about me being angry with next door neighbour and what she had done. Apparently the men from next door had been in and out of my house on boxing day (the footy was on sky) the neighbour over road told me. And the grandkids were in and out more than a couple of times. I knocked on next door neighbour to tell her what a bloody joke it was and how disgusting her behaviour was! She just stood there! I dont think she bloody gets it. I also didn't know that when we are at work her daughter when visiting parks on our drive! Partner has now put a lock/chain on gates so she cant do that anymore! I am baffled how some people think this is ok! I have also told her we have a camera recording the house and not to ever step onto my property again. Apparently her daughter is a confronting type if person so I will have to see what happens when she nexts visits her mother

OMG!

Given your other neighbour's info, I'd be tempted to lodge a report with the police!

S0upertrooper · 07/01/2023 05:36

What a shit neighbour you have! I'd want to report to the police but not sure they'd be interested. Also, do you rent or own? If you own your property you'd have to declare the dispute when you sell if you had reported them to the police. Security cameras are a great idea!

Castleontheisland · 07/01/2023 05:44

S0upertrooper · 07/01/2023 05:36

What a shit neighbour you have! I'd want to report to the police but not sure they'd be interested. Also, do you rent or own? If you own your property you'd have to declare the dispute when you sell if you had reported them to the police. Security cameras are a great idea!

We own it and really dont think this is police worthy. I just want to know this won't happen again. My partner said maybe a solicitor letter sent to them might make them realise its serious. But that is costing us money that we shouldn't have to use.

OP posts:
Cheguevarahamster · 07/01/2023 06:42

That's shocking
Am gobsmacked.

pocketvenuss · 07/01/2023 06:59

When you say the neighbour just stood there, did they say anything? How did the conversation end? This is gobsmacking