Partner of 2 years wanting to use my inheritance to buy a house for his ex (and his child).

[allegraldn]

I've been seeing a man for two years. We have known each other for many years as friends prior (about 22 years). We are both professionals who work full time. I received an inheritance recently and haven't done anything with it. I've been in a fog of grief and I will admit, that grief has been all-consuming at times. My partner seems to be brimming/full of wild ideas as to what to do with the money. I'm personally not interested in hearing about it anymore.

Tonight he suggested that we buy a house nearby for his ex-partner to live in so he can have her and his two children that he shares with her, nearby. I snapped and told him to get f*ed. If not that, he has suggested all sorts of ideas on what to do with the money. Nothing wasteful (such as a 10 day bender) as we are both good with money and work in the financial services. But ever since this inheritance issue arose, he's turned into some kind of Warren Buffet as opposed to an actual partner... and it's gross.

I really am questioning if I even like his personality at this point.

Telling him to get fucked was the right response to that cheeky fuckery. You should now tell him to get fucked permanently and fuck off.
This inheritance money will be a constant topic now and he's a greedy bastard with his eyes on it. He needs to go.
I'm sorry for your loss OP and I know myself that you're just in a complete fog for at least a couple of years. I'm just coming round slowly and back to normality after my Dad died 3 and a half years ago. My inheritance is sitting in the bank as I haven't been able to bear thinking about it. If someone had been "spending it" albeit at the moment only theoretically, I would have absolutely flipped.

Also, just as a contrast. I've had two relatively small inheritances in my life. My DH who is both very financially astute and very money motivated - but also not a complete arse - said each time 'it's your money. Do whatever you want with it'. And then never mentioned it again. I brought it up when I was ready to talk about it.

Get rid of him. Totally.

Another thought. Would you want to be a landlord with all the time, headspace, responsibilities, and legal obligations that involves?

I’m sorry for your loss OP.

DH and I married around 10 months before his grandmother died and he inherited a substantial sum from her. Despite being his wife I still never gave ideas of or told DH what the money should be used for.

Your partner is being the ultimate CF making suggestions whilst you are still lost in grief. As others have said if you don’t need the money at the moment then I would lock it in an ISA so it cannot be touched. Whatever you do don’t marry him as he is then entitled to half.

Your partner has no claim on this money op and I hope your solicitor has told you that?
I won a substantial award years ago and my dh never knew the amount. I think I bought him a new computer. He inheritated and bought me a ring.
Grabby men are my worse nightmare and I have had two of my successful friends targeted for their wealth (we are in our 50s). One played a 10 year game and divorced her after she retired with a huge lum sum. She was devastated, I always thought him smarmy.
As a previous poster said stick it in a notice account and then forget it.
Genuine men actually like to treat a lady (old fashioned I know but I keep my wealth quiet). Only my son knows what I earn as he is a financial professional. My husband doesn't care. He loves me rich or poor and we have been both.

I think it looks very bad, he sees a weakness in you and he just can't help himself, he keeps trying to pull that lever to get his hands on the money 💰
And he wants to spend the money on his ex, ostensibly to benefit his children but he's clearly a man who puts himself first at all times so why is he so keen to keep his ex sweet does, he want to keep her in his harem?
Or is that part of his ruse, does he have some other plans for the money?

Hi Op
Sorry to hear about your recent loss,
I really do not like sound of your Partner,

I think he revealing finally his true colours of his character to you,

Your Partner sounds emotionally manipulative, he is clearly taking advantage of you,at a extremely vulnerable time,

I am just wondering, is he emotionally manipulative to you in other ways too?

No wonder this is extremely upsetting for you to find out,
It's a massive red flag,like communists old guard Reunion get together.

As a partner he just should not even think in that way.!!!
He should be supporting you emotionally whilst you are going through grieving process.

OK so devil's advocate. You both work in finance. He isn't understanding your grief and wants the money to work for you as an investment?

This.

To be fair to him, he might just be thinking of the best way to utilise it and brainstorming ideas. The emotion isn’t attached to it for him but he needs to be told bluntly about how it’s emotionally charged for you. His reaction then will tell you if he’s an arse or just generally not thinking.

Giant red flag. Get rid

So sorry for your loss OP.

I wouldn’t get rid of him just yet as you’re still grieving and if he’s generally kind and helpful to you, carry on as you are as having another pair of hands to share the load is a bonus when you’re feeling mentally exhausted.

However, do make clear to him that any discussion of your inheritance is a no-go area and you will end the relationship if he ever mentions it again.

I'm pretty staggered at this, but then again, when there's an inheritance, you soon find out who the vultures are. What a piece of arrogance this is. He's trying to exploit you, when you are at a low ebb; he's despicable and you really, really need to get rid of him.

I think if it was me and if the relationship was working for me in a general sense then I would take this as a big heads up that I should not link my finances with this man or live with him because he is much too eager to spend my money on things that benefit him.
As long as you know to shut him down quickly and not link/blend your finances with his then it could still be a workable relationship?

But it’s terrible financial advice. You would sack and report a financial adviser who would suggest anything so stupid.

He wants it to work for him, his ex moving into this hypothetical house wouldn’t benefit OP in any possible way.

So sorry for your loss but I would get rid like a shot!

He’s worked it all out hasn’t he, he gets his current woman to house his kid and ex. Plus, he has his ex installed in a house if he ever wants to restart a relationship again with her.

Dump and run with your money.

charming isnt he-if he wanted op to invest he could suggest a house but not for his bloody ex

Get rid. What a twat

Hi Op
I would make sure that your partner is not able to benefit financially in any way from you, especially if you split up,

This way of thinking of your Partner is coming across as he definitely entered into Deal breaker territory,in relantship.

Your Partner sounds like a controlling personality type in his thinking of ex wife and family etc in regard of your inheritance,

What you decide to do with your inheritance
Has frankly, nothing sod all to do with him at all.
I would be very Wary,
Seek astute Financially advice from elsewhere

In future relationships, Don't let on that you are wealthy in any way through inheritance,

So you do not acctract chancers Users out there.

Get rid immediately. He still clearly likes his ex more than he let's on.

So you're dealing with a loss and mourning and all he cares about is spending your money? Thank fuck you're not married.

Yeh fuck no

What a cunning ruse ....he's using his current partner's inheritance to fund his own backup/escape plan