How do you work f/t, run a house & have a social life

[MakeMineALarge1]

How do you do it?

I have recently moved into a full time role, 4x9.5 hr days back to back with nearly an hour commute either way
I am knackered, if I rest I feel guilty, if I go out on a walk or see friends I feel guilt that I am not resting or doing things in the house, if I do think sod it I am having a day resting, I feel bad that I am not walking or doing something productive

I am tying myself in knots

Why do I feel so bloody guilty about things

You can have it all but you can't do it all...! We manage by outsourcing cleaning, doing all shopping online and having lots of good wrap around care. Batch cooking at the weekend helps too. There's still not enough hours in the day though.

I do the rest - house, ft work, parent three kids but don’t have a social life. Weekends are for ferrying the kids to their activities.

I’m a bit knackered and probably need to change things a bit though.

Thank you, luckily child is 14 so no real wrap around care is needed,
I think going forward I am going to have to do
Friday - nice day for me - walk etc
Saturday clean
Sunday - shop and clean

This is our solution too.

Also, I just force myself out even when I don’t feel like it. 3x 15 minute run every week, and one evening out with friends every week. I never want to do it, but then having made the effort I never regret it. Sometimes full time work and full time life is about going through the motions, and enjoying what you can!

What I know I am struggling with is I have gone from doing 2 days a week and so having 5 days a week off, to doing 4 days a week and now only having 3 days off to do everything

I just read a meme on Facebook which said sleep for 8 hours a day, work for 8 hours a day, and that gives you 8 hours a day for doing everything else. Yeah right. Clearly doesn't take the 3 hour commute into account for a start..

Yes what about the commute? I leave at 0700 and get in at 7pm 4 days a week - 4 consecutive days

Outsource what you can such as cleaning, online shop etc. I empathise, it's been a while since I've needed to commute alongside working f/t, I always tried to make that time more enjoyable such as with an audio book. Is there anyway to work flexibly to reduce the commute?

I do 5 x shorter days and only have a 10 min each way commute. Social life is Friday nights, once a month - dh the same.

kids are 2 and 6 and we don’t have childcare other than each other

@userh79 when I rang about the job and when they offered me the job, the deal was one day a week working from home, but until I can work independently then that isn't going to happen - I have asked about splitting the days but as I am there to support clinic and clinic is run monday to thursday that isn't feasible.
I know when my wfh day comes, my life will improve massively

Can be done with a DH who behaves like a proper partner.

@QforCucumber I work over 2 different sites, one is 20 miles away, a shorter commute isn't an option

I don't know, @MakeMineALarge1 - I admire anyone who can do it, but don't know HOW they do it..

Yes, I agree, washing up doesn't constitute doing half the bloody housework! Sick of having this "discussion" with him

Your family need to do their share.
Kids are old enough to muck in and assume DH is fully able to do 50% of the work seeing as you're both working the same hours now?

I significantly lower cleaning standards. Its a home thats well lived in here but it gives us balance and is by no means super disgusting or anything.
I unfollowed all those cleaning ladies on insta that made me feel bad.

Is there a second parent in the house? It sounds like you might be working full-time and still doing all the housework.

Planning. I work full time, run a house, raise my ds 14 on my own but.....

...I don't commute, I wfh.
I run at lunch times 2 or 3 days a week so that gets the exercise out of the way.

My friends know they are always welcome but they might find me sorting washing or chopping veg. There's always coffee in the pot but I am seldom tidy.

I plan any social life so I can get a little bit ahead of myself, leaving a day free at the weekend.

And accept that housework is not always up to scratch. Nobody can be perfect !

I don’t. I don’t see my friends as much as I used to although I make a big effort to keep in touch via WhatsApp and video call so then the friendships don’t drift to the point that they can’t be picked back up again in a few years. Ive accepted that for now my life is caring for babies/toddlers and working 🤷🏼‍♀️ can’t have everything

It will be easier when you get into a rhythm, sounds like this is a relatively new change? Yes, your other half needs to step up, and the 14 year old - old enough to do some house jobs, help prep a dinner?
Also quit the guilt, I'll bet your partner isn't feeling guilty about doing social things or rest rather than get on with household chores. Get a cleaner if you think it would help.

Why is your commute so long for a site only 20 miles away? If you drive then is it congestion? If so can you travel at different times? Can you use that time for something fun like an audiobook or some life admin if you are on public transport or travel at different times?

I find if you're on top of things it's easier to stay on top of them, like bathrooms only need a few quick wipes if they are cleaned frequently rather than a full scrub. I echo the poster who makes herself do things by routine, perhaps by having a set day for certain tasks.

Or get some wireless headphones and listen to a favourite TV show as you clean or iron to pass the time.

I also dont sit down in the evening without the expectation that I'm finished for the day. Once I'm on the sofa I'm not moving!

I work full time, run a house and have a social life, because my husband is part time and so he does a lot of the doing of things.

Organization! It’s the only way. Good diary management, constant shopping list on the go, contingency everything, eg gifts for parties, share lifts with friends when dropping DC to activities, all uniform washed Friday night, ironed Saturday afternoon, Sunday clear for ‘fun’.

I could have written this. I work FT in a demanding job and am single parent to a DD.

I personally feel you have to power through it with the social life. Even if you don’t feel like it (as I often don’t).

Friends are so important and it’s so important not to let your world dwindle to just your immediate family. It’s so limiting and dangerous. You can’t and shouldn’t do everything but you should do what you can to retain an external network.

You're right, it doesnt. Send him to the shops for starters. Either he needs to do more or pay for someone to do his share.

With the teen I'd set minimum standards (making her lunch for school, cleaning up after, doing some laundry) and set up a menu of chores she can pick from to earn pocket money. Hoovering and mopping house twice a week - £2, washing car, £4.

But it's also unacceptable if it leads to a situation where you are paying your daughter to pick up your husbands chores.