How do you work f/t, run a house & have a social life

[MakeMineALarge1]

How do you do it?

I have recently moved into a full time role, 4x9.5 hr days back to back with nearly an hour commute either way
I am knackered, if I rest I feel guilty, if I go out on a walk or see friends I feel guilt that I am not resting or doing things in the house, if I do think sod it I am having a day resting, I feel bad that I am not walking or doing something productive

I am tying myself in knots

Why do I feel so bloody guilty about things

I have to be in for for 8
So no flexibility in starting or finishing late
20 mile commute takes 40 mins if traffic is good.
One commute is only 13 miles but going into central Manchester so am awful drive

My husband works full time, there's only a small team, one of whom is off sick the other on leave, so he is snowed under

I can only do it because
My cleaning standards are low (wash beds and towels once a month or something)
We have a cleaner
I mostly work from home
My husband does half of everything

It still feels like life is a conveyor belt outside school holidays though

Yes it's a very new role.
So I'm also trying to get my head around a new job

Why are you ignoring the suggestion to have a cleaner?

With a 14yo and all of you out of the house all week a good clean should ‘stick’ for the week.

I work ft now as does DH and I have two children with SEN. It’s unsustainable and we need a rethink soon. We’ll pay off the car by March and then I need to cut my hours.

lone Parent to 2 working 4 days a week. Cleaner who irons and gardener, slow cooker, tumble drier one take away mid week. Fridays I do my shopping, appointments and all our washing. Saturday mornings is odd jobs. Hard but doable

I am not ignoring the idea of a cleaner!
I am trying to answer questions as they come in!

Yes it is something to think about, however as I am only just starting this new way of working I am trying to get practical solutions!

I do very little ironing as it is haha so thats not a job I can cut down on

To be honest, that is something I have noticed, as we are all out all day long the house does stay tidier so maybe doing less will just naturally occur - I think post Christmas we have stuff everywhere and its just heightened how much I do

Get a cleaner, meal plan and get a weekly online food shop delivered.

Prep slow cooker meals for the days you are out 7-7pm. Use a plug in timer to get it to come when needed then it won’t be over cooked.

I get up at 5am to workout and walk the dog before I leave the house at 7:30am, we have a three year old so I need to be dressed and ready before she gets up at 6:30am and it means our mornings run super smooth.

The best practical solution is to have a Husband who does his share!
In what world is it fare for you to be working almost full time and also have to do the vast majority of everything else?! He needs to stop taking the piss.

I am not working almost full time I am full time
Yes I know he needs to do more, I am trying to get him to do more, but after 25 years of me being part time and doing everything as I only did 2 days a week we are all finding the change difficult
Yes I know he needs to do more! I am well aware of that, getting him to bloody do it is another issue, I am just starting to leave jobs I don't have time for and he can do them or they don't get done!

We have a cleaner who also changes all the bed linen & towels weekly and washes them.
The rule with the kids is that they have to keep their room tidy for this to happen and it to be cleaned, otherwise they do it themselves at the weekend.
We also have someone who comes in and does the lawns and basic garden maintenance.

If you are doing 5 days work in 4days then the 5th day is for you. Do not get sacked into doing all the household chores on your 5th day. If your partner works FT then everything should be split 50-50.

There is a Nigella Lawson quote I seem to remember where she says that out of work, family and social life you can have two but not all three. I’ve often reminded myself of it when I’ve been run ragged trying to do all three.

Maybe I just need to lower my expectations

Lucky enough to have hybrid working so wfh 3-4 days a week and when I am in the office it is a 20 min drive so this works even through i am.full time 9-5 mon to friday. Dh wfh Full time 7-3 mon- Friday.
Even before covid I was flexible and often worked 1-2 days from home. Dh has been wfh for many years.

We only have 1 child.

We have a cleaner.

We share house work.

I work 60-70 hour weeks and volunteer at the local church on my half free day each week. Travel internationally every 2/3 weeks, nationally ad hoc. It’s not sustainable long term, something will have to give soon. I try to keep the house clean, fridge well stocked, see friends etc. but it does take a toll because there are only so many hours in a day. I get it OP. Then you start feeling guilty and stressed at not seeing family / friends / not exercising.

I have takeaways (not your regular chippy, just ‘homemade’, healthy restaurant food I can eat quickly when I get in at 11pm) two or three times a week.

Ruthless planning. Allocate X hours each week for any chores that need doing. I’ve massively relaxed my cleaning standards - I don’t live in a pigsty but my house is not ready for visitors all the time. Visitors involve me taking half a day off work so I can actually get the house ready.

Laundry goes on as I get in the shower. 30 min cycle. I’m dressed and have had breakfast by the time it finishes. Hung up before I leave the house.

I don’t have time for make up or complex skincare routines. I have minimised my wardrobe so everything matches. Lots of alarms and reminders on my calendar for birthdays and deadlines. Renewals have a 1 week notification alert. I deal with them as and when they come through. I have travel insurance, an American tax rebate and the phone bill to sort in January.

Maybe I am being too hard on myself - the washing is up to date, it goes on once a day and then on the maiden to dry over night
I do meal plans
I use the slow cooker
I don't do any washing up

Its just the constant feeling of if I relax I think I should be making the most of my time off and relaxing, if I relax I feel I should be making the most and be out doing stuff = maybe its me who is never happy

Personally the things I do to make this achievable are:

Working from home (absolutely could not do it with a commute more than 2 days a week); with flexi hours when needed and a very understanding boss!

Get support with pick ups from nursery - I'm at home and finished by 4 (I start reeeealy early) so just need someone to pick up DD from nursery 2x per week, the others I finish early and make up the hours later. Allows for after nursery activities like swimming so these don't take up the weekend.

Have a cleaner once a week.

A great 'mummy' network from antenatal and older friendships who I can turn to for advice on mum issues.

Meal plan and stick to it. Slow cooker recipes. Batch cooking for busy days to still have healthy options.

Exercise around my working day rather than taking up evenings with it.

Pay a babysitter regularly to come after DD is in bed to allow for a social life. MIL also does babysit when we need an overnight for a big birthday, wedding etc. Once in a blue moon we also ask friends for help.

Work hard at communicating what needs done with my husband and splitting the chores as evenly as possible.

In short - it's achievable with lots of support, willingness to ask for help, and a budget that allows for sourcing in help when needed.

As others have said online shop and cleaner frees up loads of time.

Honestly pls try it - at least the shop which won't cost more than you spend now probably. You don't realise how much of a time sink shopping was till it's gone. Once you have all your online shopping favourites set up you can chill out and do it in 10min in the bath one eve. Get a routine as to which day and it's gr8.

I've just gone from 5 days a week to 3 and I start in Jan. I couldn't do it all. Its impossible. I literally never sat down and when I did and started using my phone I got the usual you're on your phone all the time....

My current day starts at 6 am. I sort out the kids and do the washing and dishwasher. Quick tidy up. Have a shower and am at office ny 09.30. I usually work till about 6. Then go straight to collect kids and go to training for one of them. Then DH meets me and we swop kids to do other activity. Then we get I'm about 8.30ish. Sort dinner. Do showers etc, home work then bed. Only day we don't have activities is Tues and Friday.

4 days a week sounds like heaven to me. I literally cannot want to only work 3 days a week....😆

I manage all three. My OH works four days a week and is very hands on. We don't have much couple time.

I don't think you can, I work 4 days a week but cannot juggle dc, extended family, relationship, friends, house, exercise all at the same time. Just switch the hats when you can

and we have a cleaner, lots of family babysitting & short commutes.