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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a family of educated, emotionally intelligent professionals

153 replies

Idontmeanto · 26/12/2022 15:15

To think to leave a parking space on host’s drive for the disabled family member with restricted mobility?

Happy Christmas!

OP posts:
MissTrip82 · 27/12/2022 05:04

I think once you start to feel contempt for everyone at a function it’s time to leave.

They should have been more thoughtful. If you think you’ve never, ever been thoughtless……..

Kanaloa · 27/12/2022 09:49

So people arrived, parked in the only space available, then you arrived last and did not have a space. You requested a space and somebody moved to give you a space. You now feel infuriated.

This is a massive overreaction. The fact of life is that people do not go through their day constantly thinking of others, regardless of other people’s needs. You yourself, while caring for your relative, will not be constantly prioritising the needs of every other person in the world. You asked for a parking space and we’re given one. This was a total non event.

Original poster
Idontmeanto · 27/12/2022 11:00

Thanks for the perspective…I’m clearly getting bitter and twisted. I certainly don’t claim to have never been inconsiderate.

OP posts:
Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/12/2022 11:47

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 26/12/2022 17:25

If the BB holder can walk the 3m of a drive and the non-BB holders would have to walk 300m to leave a drive space for the BB holder to use the drive, YABU. Being able to park immediately outside the drive is one of the benefits of a blue badge.

A drive that holds 4 cars is not 3m long.
Op has already said that the blue badge holder could park on the road but the walk would be right at the limit of what she can manage.
Going from experience, pushing yourself in this way can do more harm than good

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/12/2022 12:00

Idontmeanto · 27/12/2022 11:00

Thanks for the perspective…I’m clearly getting bitter and twisted. I certainly don’t claim to have never been inconsiderate.

It's the drip-drip of acts that tell 'you' that you don't belong there, that you're different and only get access/help/consideration if you fight for it. Like the disabled toilet being used for storage and the emergency pullcord being tied up out of reach, the clutter in the supermarket aisles that make it hard for you to move freely and shop, the ramp that's too steep or unstable or the lift that's locked until you have to go and find somebody who has a key and then they're not in today, so you either have to give up or struggle up/down several flights of stairs. It's the way that even when it's obvious that someone isn't able to skip from car to front door that people come up with scenarios where they could 'deserve' easier access than a mere disabled person or that you can't possibly be telling the truth that this act would cause physical pain/discomfort/even harm to a person and it's nothing, really.

It's not bitterness, even if that's what people are accusing or implying about you. It's being so fucking tired of this shit, day in, day out.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/12/2022 12:04

Idontmeanto · 26/12/2022 19:57

We did, indeed, ask someone to move, but I’m surprised and infuriated that it was necessary.

I get it. Been there, done that!
Its infuriating because these people know damn well that the person you care for has mobility problems and uses a walker. They are just too fucking selfish to put anyone but themselves first.
My greatest joy would be to see these selfish people be forced, just for a month,I to look after a relative who has poor mobility, double incontinence but is of sound mind and has to go out and about every day with them as their carer. They'd soon realise the error of their ways

melj1213 · 27/12/2022 12:12

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/12/2022 11:47

A drive that holds 4 cars is not 3m long.
Op has already said that the blue badge holder could park on the road but the walk would be right at the limit of what she can manage.
Going from experience, pushing yourself in this way can do more harm than good

Show quote history

Where does the OP say it's one long drive? There's many ways for multiple cars to be on a drive but also for the car on the street to be pretty much the same distance from the house as the ones on the drive.

My parents drive has room for 3 cars - it's an inverted "T" shape with the house being in the "L" of the T so a car can fit on each of the three "arms" of the T but the ddistance from house to pavement is only one car long and the distance from each space to the door is pretty much the same, there's just limitations to each space. Anyone parking on the street in front of the drive has to walk a maximum of 3 extra steps (across the pavement) to get to the house.

In fact if you park on the street you actually have to walk less than if you park in the left hand "arm" space as you walk straight across the pavement and up the side of the central car, as opposed to having to walk around the central car before walking up the side ... So at ours it's better for BB holders to park on the street than on the drive, unless they have the central space, but the central space is the tightest for surrounding area (garden on one side and bay window on the other) so if you need to get walking aids out or someone can't walk on uneven surface then it's not suitable.

So in my family's case it was always better for our grandparents, who had a BB, to park on the street and let other family park on the drive to make the most of the space available and not take up more road parking spaces than necessary (we live in a cul-de-sac directly off a main road that is always tight for parking).

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/12/2022 12:15

Kanaloa · 27/12/2022 09:49

So people arrived, parked in the only space available, then you arrived last and did not have a space. You requested a space and somebody moved to give you a space. You now feel infuriated.

This is a massive overreaction. The fact of life is that people do not go through their day constantly thinking of others, regardless of other people’s needs. You yourself, while caring for your relative, will not be constantly prioritising the needs of every other person in the world. You asked for a parking space and we’re given one. This was a total non event.

This was a family event. Family of the op who know that she would need a parking space as close to the house as possible and cant get the walking aid between the other cars and the wall. They are selfish cunts!
In my family, space would have been left for op to drive straight in to without having to ask someone to move

Kanaloa · 27/12/2022 12:17

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/12/2022 12:15

This was a family event. Family of the op who know that she would need a parking space as close to the house as possible and cant get the walking aid between the other cars and the wall. They are selfish cunts!
In my family, space would have been left for op to drive straight in to without having to ask someone to move

Show quote history

That’s great in your family. In op’s family it wasn’t thought of. As soon as they asked for a space they were given a space.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/12/2022 12:23

melj1213 · 27/12/2022 12:12

Where does the OP say it's one long drive? There's many ways for multiple cars to be on a drive but also for the car on the street to be pretty much the same distance from the house as the ones on the drive.

My parents drive has room for 3 cars - it's an inverted "T" shape with the house being in the "L" of the T so a car can fit on each of the three "arms" of the T but the ddistance from house to pavement is only one car long and the distance from each space to the door is pretty much the same, there's just limitations to each space. Anyone parking on the street in front of the drive has to walk a maximum of 3 extra steps (across the pavement) to get to the house.

In fact if you park on the street you actually have to walk less than if you park in the left hand "arm" space as you walk straight across the pavement and up the side of the central car, as opposed to having to walk around the central car before walking up the side ... So at ours it's better for BB holders to park on the street than on the drive, unless they have the central space, but the central space is the tightest for surrounding area (garden on one side and bay window on the other) so if you need to get walking aids out or someone can't walk on uneven surface then it's not suitable.

So in my family's case it was always better for our grandparents, who had a BB, to park on the street and let other family park on the drive to make the most of the space available and not take up more road parking spaces than necessary (we live in a cul-de-sac directly off a main road that is always tight for parking).

Show quote history

You obviously missed the bit where they cannot get the walker between the cars and the wall at the bottom of the drive. How the Fuck is the disabled person supposed to manage not only a walk that is the limit of her capabilities but also do it without her walking aid.
You know what the worst thing about being a carer for an elderly relative of a disabled person is?
Its the constant battles to get them fair and equal access to things that able bodied people take for granted

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/12/2022 12:24

Kanaloa · 27/12/2022 12:17

That’s great in your family. In op’s family it wasn’t thought of. As soon as they asked for a space they were given a space.

Show quote history

She shouldnt have had to fucking ask.

Kanaloa · 27/12/2022 12:45

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/12/2022 12:24

She shouldnt have had to fucking ask.

Show quote history

Well that’s life. People don’t always automatically think of what other people need. Or they think someone else will have sorted it etc. If she doesn’t make people aware of her needs they often won’t know or won’t do what she needs/wants them to do. She asked and they moved. There was no event.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 27/12/2022 12:57

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/12/2022 12:24

She shouldnt have had to fucking ask.

Show quote history

That presupposes that:

  1. the family members who parked on the driveway knew that the relative with restricted mobility was coming

  2. the family members who parked on the driveway knew that the OP was bringing her

  3. the family members who parked on the driveway knew what car the OP drives, and therefore that she wasn't already parked there herself.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/12/2022 13:37

Kanaloa · 27/12/2022 12:45

Well that’s life. People don’t always automatically think of what other people need. Or they think someone else will have sorted it etc. If she doesn’t make people aware of her needs they often won’t know or won’t do what she needs/wants them to do. She asked and they moved. There was no event.

Show quote history

Well that’s life. That is painfully dismissive of me as a disabled person. Have you read the more recent posts about how hard it is to just have basic rights other people take for granted? No one should have to ask and be othered. And op was clear the person, who moved their vehicle was pissed off and grudgingly moved their car. Disability is a protected characteristic under the EA2010 for a reason.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/12/2022 14:41

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/12/2022 13:37

Well that’s life. That is painfully dismissive of me as a disabled person. Have you read the more recent posts about how hard it is to just have basic rights other people take for granted? No one should have to ask and be othered. And op was clear the person, who moved their vehicle was pissed off and grudgingly moved their car. Disability is a protected characteristic under the EA2010 for a reason.

Show quote history

No one on here gives a Fuck about disabled people until it affects them. Its hard sometimes not to wish a physical disability on some people so that you can watch and see how they cope with the daily battles

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/12/2022 14:43

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 27/12/2022 12:57

That presupposes that:

  1. the family members who parked on the driveway knew that the relative with restricted mobility was coming

  2. the family members who parked on the driveway knew that the OP was bringing her

  3. the family members who parked on the driveway knew what car the OP drives, and therefore that she wasn't already parked there herself.

Show quote history

Of course they knew. Stop fucking making excuses for them

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/12/2022 14:45

Kanaloa · 27/12/2022 12:17

That’s great in your family. In op’s family it wasn’t thought of. As soon as they asked for a space they were given a space.

Show quote history

My family are not cunts who discriminate against people with disabilities.
They were reluctantly given a space!

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 27/12/2022 14:47

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/12/2022 14:43

Of course they knew. Stop fucking making excuses for them

Show quote history

And you know that because........?

MichelleScarn · 27/12/2022 15:12

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/12/2022 13:37

Well that’s life. That is painfully dismissive of me as a disabled person. Have you read the more recent posts about how hard it is to just have basic rights other people take for granted? No one should have to ask and be othered. And op was clear the person, who moved their vehicle was pissed off and grudgingly moved their car. Disability is a protected characteristic under the EA2010 for a reason.

Show quote history

Depends on why they were pissed off and how they were asked? If like some here and it was a 'look you fucking cruel cunts, move your fucking car' I'd be pissed off too!

Kanaloa · 27/12/2022 17:51

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/12/2022 13:37

Well that’s life. That is painfully dismissive of me as a disabled person. Have you read the more recent posts about how hard it is to just have basic rights other people take for granted? No one should have to ask and be othered. And op was clear the person, who moved their vehicle was pissed off and grudgingly moved their car. Disability is a protected characteristic under the EA2010 for a reason.

Show quote history

It’s not painfully dismissive of you to say that other people don’t constantly consider your needs above their own. And I’m pretty sure protected characteristics don’t apply to someone’s drive in their own house. Even if it did, they were not denied a space. They asked for one and got one. Expecting others to be constantly considering you and thinking of you rather than simply saying ‘oh I need a space’ is a one way road to resentment, because in the real world people are usually thinking of themselves and their own lives.

Kanaloa · 27/12/2022 17:53

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/12/2022 14:45

My family are not cunts who discriminate against people with disabilities.
They were reluctantly given a space!

Show quote history

If this family are discriminating cunts then op won’t want to visit again, will she? So it won’t be a problem. In the overwhelmingly more likely case that they’re simply people who were busy with their own day and not prioritising thinking of somebody else, op can always simply remind them she needs a space and they (as they did here) will move their car.

Kanaloa · 27/12/2022 17:56

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/12/2022 14:41

No one on here gives a Fuck about disabled people until it affects them. Its hard sometimes not to wish a physical disability on some people so that you can watch and see how they cope with the daily battles

Show quote history

The fact is that most people don’t give a fuck about anything until it affects them. People are generally busy with their own issues and lives. They don’t spend their entire life considering and agonising over what somebody else might need. You don’t either - when you’re considering your ‘daily battles’ I guarantee you aren’t making constant adjustments to ensure you accommodate everyone else’s possible needs at all times. You’re just getting through your day as you need to and they’re getting through theirs. Expecting everyone to constantly anticipate and adjust for your needs without you ever telling them is pointless and ridiculous.

MichelleScarn · 27/12/2022 19:15

Now @Kanaloa you really have to stop being so measured and sensible with your advice! People will stop saying MNs deteriorating with all that sense!

BluebirdRobin · 27/12/2022 19:47

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/12/2022 14:41

No one on here gives a Fuck about disabled people until it affects them. Its hard sometimes not to wish a physical disability on some people so that you can watch and see how they cope with the daily battles

Show quote history

People on here don't give a fuck about mental health/disabilities either and the daily battles 🤷🏼‍♀️

Kanaloa · 27/12/2022 20:20

MichelleScarn · 27/12/2022 19:15

Now @Kanaloa you really have to stop being so measured and sensible with your advice! People will stop saying MNs deteriorating with all that sense!

😂

Okay sorry. Your family are obviously discriminating cunts!!!! NC!!!