To expect a family of educated, emotionally intelligent professionals

[Idontmeanto]

To think to leave a parking space on host’s drive for the disabled family member with restricted mobility?

Happy Christmas!

It's better for a BB to be in pain for 3m than somebody not a BB holder to not be in pain at all for 300m?

I don't have a BB. I'd be in pain walking for 300m as I have a foot condition (hopefully temporary). I imagine there are plenty of people with conditions ranging from run-of-the-mill aches and pains, temporary injuries all the way through to non-badged disabilities who are in the same boat. Not having a BB doesn't mean a pain free existence.

I was firmly in the YANBU camp until I read the update.

How many extra metres did the disabled person have to travel due to parking on the double yellows rather than the drive, and how difficult would that have been for them?

This.

When i was pregnant there was no way I could have walked 300m without being in agony as I had really bad spd!

YANBU op. I have a BB and my friends just park wherever on the odd occasion we go out - it’s not that far. Fine if I am feeling okish, not if I am not.

@Butchyrestingface
That is different from not being able to walk the distance though and hopefully temporary, which is nothing like a permanent disability - at least hopefully not permanent in your case.

The question doesn't make sense to me. If the disabled person cannot cope with a walking distance that is the length of a front garden, then there's almost nowhere they'll be able to go by car. Almost everywhere will have bigger distances than that.

Knowing they use a car to go places, I would have assumed they could cope.

I was on crutches and permanent painkillers with my pregnancy pre BB and pre permanent disability. I needed a wheelchair to go more than a few hundred metres. It is really rather different and it never would have occurred to me to use anywhere for BB holders only or take their spot.

That is different from not being able to walk the distance though and hopefully temporary, which is nothing like a permanent disability - at least hopefully not permanent in your case.

I already have a permanent disability, thankfully not severe. And no blue badge. But now I have a (fingers crossed) temporary condition causing considerable pain when walking.

In any case, I was responding to the PP's comment about non-BB holders not being in pain. They have no idea whether non-BB holders are in pain or not. It's not a simple distinction like BB = pain and can't walk 3 metres without pain, non-BB = can walk 300 metres without pain.

Fluctuating levels of energy and being able to walk further at certain times of the day. It isn’t for able bodied people to police them how far a person can walk at any given time. Making assumptions is actually quite cruel.

Why? If you struggle to walk, why wouldn't you expect those who don't to take the space further away? 300 yards is nothing for a fit and able person.

You shouldn't expect everyone to anticipate your needs all the time. But if you're disabled and the other guests aren't, nothing at all wrong with asking one of them to move their car so you can get in.

did all the drivers of the driveway cars know for certain that BB car wasn’t already on the drive? Can they recognise it by sight?

yes, they should be considerate, but they aren’t clairvoyant

Nice casual ableism there.

If that would mean that the ones who used the drive have to park ages away, YABU. Maybe the best solution would be for the disabled guest to use the blue badge space and then someone to nip down and collect them from those few metres away.

I totally agree with you there. Plenty of people are in pain but don’t qualify. As a chronic pain sufferer with a few major surgeries under my belt. I know this all too well

The problem is we have no idea how much it costs them to walk ten yards. If they have no legs and intend to drag themselves throught the garden pulling themselves along with their fingernails, that's different than if they get out-of-breath walking 50 metres. I would expect someone who routinely goes places by car to have the latter level of capability.

Different yes, but the point I was making was don't always assume someone without a BB can easily just walk the 300m and unlike the BB holder OP in this instance, can't park on double yellow lines.

I’m confused. Is the BB holder also the host? If they were the host, were they not already at home, car parked wherever they wanted in their own drive? If they were not the host, why would the others know they were expected and to keep a space? Or why would there even be a BB space at all?

What if your personal expectations of disabled people who use cars is not in fact the reality of disabled people who use cars?

Is op ever coming back to advise if she actually thinks that her family were being cruel and ableist and purposely 'taking the bb holders spot' do they have their spot in the relatives drive? Or is it just plain old, not realising till it was announced by their arrival that the bb holder would have been helped by someone moving?

What emotive bollocks. Making an assumption is not dictating anything to anyone. It's filling in missing information with what the truth is most likely to be.

If someone is have a worse-than-average day, then they have information that the person making the assumption doesn't, so maybe they should communicate that? What's being assumed will be right more often than not. so the person making the assumption will on average be correct.

We had this scenario recently at a big family get together elsewhere - easily covered by hosts phoning people on their way and asking them to please park in the road, to leave plenty of space on the drive for the disabled person and their adapted vehicle.

I’ve never been to a family gathering where the closest spot wasn’t left for the person with a disability. It’s not enough to just give them a space on the drive, they get the closest space on the drive with plenty of room to exit and enter vehicle. at some houses that means drive can‘t be used to its maximum potential but that is life. Drivers can always drop off passengers and go park and walk a bit if needed.

My family manage to do this for 2 family members with a disability, all of our houses also have onstreet parking around. So YANBU at all.

I have found many people are ignorant and selfish when it comes to disability.

Couldn’t disabled family member have called and asked if anyone of the 3 peoples cars on the driveway could move their car to the road and display her blue badge so disabled family member could get on to the driveway and not have to walk far.

If the driveway can take 3 cars why only one person being targeted for not thinking.

DN (DH’s side) has autism and is an utter menace on the road so if they always need to park closer to the Christmas venue. What annoys me, however, is that they never ask directly & they’re always late despite other DN’s on my side having autism and similar symptoms - they just expect there to be a space available & if not expect my family to move cars. When you’re late and all the other guests have had a few (they were all either leaving their cars there or staying overnight) this isn’t always possible. They caused a massive row yesterday that only ended after DN ran out of the car and straight into the house.