My Mum is a Christmas Feeder!

[brandylegs]

My mum is a feeder generally. It's her way of showing affection.

However, it particularly annoys me at Christmas.

She asks what she wants her to bring with her for Christmas Day.

I always say nothing but as she loves cooking she will generally say, for instance, she will make a Christmas pudding.

I then buy everything else and ensure I tell her I've got everything.

She'll turn up with the Christmas pudding but also a Christmas cake, a Yule log, mince pies, sausage rolls, a sausage plait, huge trifle, biscuits, chocolates, cheeses etc.

I know she's trying to be kind but it annoys the hell out of me. We then have two lots of everything. I don't want any more. I've already brought it. It's a waste of my time and money!!!!

... And I'm lucky to have my mum around at Christmas.

I love her dearly but hate it when she does this!

Ask her what she’s bringing and then don’t buy it yourself?

Most of the shop-bought stuff should keep a day or two.
She can take it back home for boxing day.

This 😄

When she arrives with her stuff, go into your kitchen and freeze your stuff. 🤷‍♀️

Your mum sounds kind and generous.

She'll turn up with the Christmas pudding but also a Christmas cake, a Yule log, mince pies, sausage rolls, a sausage plait, huge trifle, biscuits, chocolates, cheeses etc.

Don't take your Christmas pudding out of the box, it'll keep for months. Mince pies - don't buy any in the first place, they're rank. Biscuits, chocolate and cheese keep for ages.

just eat what your DM brings over and your shopping bill will decrease in the New Year. What's not to like. She's happy, you're happy.

I do get where you are coming from. It's not ungrateful, but if you've put effort in and enjoyed that effort, to have it overshadowed by your mum's stuff must be annoying.

Why don’t you just give her a list of things to buy and then not do it yourself?

I get where your coming from, the other day my mum got stuff I didn't ask for, liked and then I had no where to put it in my fridge and forgot the stuff I gave her a list to buy lol. You try and give them a list and they still get carried away 😂😂😂

Your mum sounds bloody amazing

Go with it

Say thank you

My mum does this with snacks on days out. I literally turn up without a backpack for a 5h hike including children. She always has plenty of food and even if i bring exactly the same, my kids will eat hers first!! Even things like carrot sticks seem to taste better from her bag.
So i just dont take stuff anymore. Never gone hungry 😄

I get you OP. We are hot on food waste here, and also like to eat pretty healthily. One day of eating unhealthily a year is fine, but to wake up to so much unhealthy food on Boxing Day would be grim.

I totally get where you are coming from. You've spent time and money getting things and she disregards what you have agreed and then it feels like you have to eat extra.

This year I would do what other have suggested, don't unpack anything before she arrives. Any doubles that can go in the freezer put them straight away, biscuits and other things that last for months put in the cupboards for another day. And the rest just slowly use over the coming days.

Next year you need to go with it, give her a list of things to bring. Let her do desserts and sweet things or all the sides.

Be grateful. She cares and far better to have a mum who cares than the alternative. What you don't use on the day stick in the freezer .

You can insist that she doesn't bring anything.
Or you could accept it, put it in the fridge, you might have it at a later date over the Christmas period, or you could offer that she takes some home with her if you already have lots of it.

My mum is the opposite and doesn't bring anything. She never offers food or anything when we go to visit her either!

Baker-types are like this. Never can read the room and get a lot of personal satisfaction re: feedback and thanks for their creations. I take it she used to be in charge of Xmas dinner etc at one point. Perhaps not all too thrilled at relinquishing kitchen control and giving you all the glory. Just put your own stuff out and maybe give hers to neighbours or bin it. After all you had already told her. Which suggests she's doing it more for herself than others. Merry Christmas

She sounds amazing. She can come to mine if she wants. Her food contribution will be accepted gratefully.

Sayimg don't bring anything is not working. When she asks you what she can bring give her a list..She obviously wants to contribute so don't deny her. It's her way of showing love.

Oh OP just give your mum a hug and be grateful. It's Christmas and she's doing it out of love. My mum would have turned up empty handed. I still miss her though.

Hope you all have a good Xmas. At least you won't go hungry!

I do think you sound ungrateful. Perhaps she is lonely and it is her way of being involved in Christmas in the weeks leading up to it - it probably gives her a sense of purpose and feeling of being wanted/needed. Just freeze the things that will go off or enjoy them gradually.

Agreed

You aren’t insufferable or hard work at all, @brandylegs (although those posters … ) Some people just wait for a thread to be posted longing to be the first to kick the OP.

I had a friend like this and I had to stop visiting her at her house because I got so fed up of the constant badgering for me to eat and drink.

There are times when I’m so glad I don’t have the thought process of others! Imagine thinking like this because others bake etc. I mean analysing them as “baker types”, doing it for “personal satisfaction” and “give her stuff away”.

Crikey mum makes a few nice items and it’s because she doesn’t want to “relinquish control”.

Merry Christmas and all that!