My Mum is a Christmas Feeder!

[brandylegs]

My mum is a feeder generally. It's her way of showing affection.

However, it particularly annoys me at Christmas.

She asks what she wants her to bring with her for Christmas Day.

I always say nothing but as she loves cooking she will generally say, for instance, she will make a Christmas pudding.

I then buy everything else and ensure I tell her I've got everything.

She'll turn up with the Christmas pudding but also a Christmas cake, a Yule log, mince pies, sausage rolls, a sausage plait, huge trifle, biscuits, chocolates, cheeses etc.

I know she's trying to be kind but it annoys the hell out of me. We then have two lots of everything. I don't want any more. I've already brought it. It's a waste of my time and money!!!!

Do you have issues with food? I expect your idea of ‘got everything’ is not the same as your mum’s.

I get you OP. We are hot on food waste here, and also like to eat pretty healthily. One day of eating unhealthily a year is fine, but to wake up to so much unhealthy food on Boxing Day would be grim.

God you would hate us then. We have - prexmas, my family get together. Big party/food. Christmas eve - party with neighbours. Christmas day, hosting someone from mine or DH side (parents and/or sibling). Boxing day - DH family big party. 31st - party with friends.

The unhealthy food isnt gone for weeks

I can’t speak for the person you’re replying to but I certainly wouldn’t ‘hate’ you. Odd to think someone who chooses to do things differently to you would hate you.

This

You started off saying it’s her way of showing affection

all families annoy us a times

just accept this she is being kind and loving that’s all

Sounds like it could be annoying.

Firstly, judge her offering - will it spoil the main meal or is it just a frill for afters? Frills can sometimes be wallet to manage

Secondly, can any be quickly stored in a cupboard on arrival and regifted to a neighbour. Do that!

Thirdly, take her aside, in person. Tell her you love her. Tell her the things you find delicious about the treats especially any extra effort on things she had made and crafted from scratch. Then pick one, just one thing for her to not contribute again and a sound reason for her not doing it again next year.

Do this each year until you get her down to the 2-5 items you are willing to accept.

I am a feeder and a baker type

I wish you all the best

You'll like this family story from my in-laws then.

My lovely late MIL was the same. Whenever her teenaged children's friends came round, she had to feed them and would not rest until they'd had something. SIL found this very embarrassing, as teens do, and had repeatedly asked her mum not to push food on her friends.

One Saturday several of SIL's friends turned up on the doorstep unexpectedly. This was unusual in their rural area since it would have been a long walk. The gang came in and visited for a bit. MIL asked whether they'd like a bit of lunch. The young people knew the correct protocol: you must say no twice and then you can accept on the third offer. So they said no thank you, we couldn't possibly.

MIL asked, "Are you sure? It's a long walk. You must be very hungry." SIL snapped, "MOTHER! They've said no. Now leave them alone!!" MIL apologised and withdrew meekly.

Monday at school, SIL's friends told her that they'd been hiking in the area and had forgotten their packed lunch, and had only dropped in to visit because they knew MIL would feed them!😆

SIL snapped, "MOTHER! They've said no. Now leave them alone!!" MIL apologised and withdrew meekly.

bloody hell. My teenage daughter “snapped” at me like that and I sure as heck would have apologised and withdrew meekly

Or… when she asks if she can bring anything, suggest a few bits and then don’t get them 😐