My Mum is a Christmas Feeder!

[brandylegs]

My mum is a feeder generally. It's her way of showing affection.

However, it particularly annoys me at Christmas.

She asks what she wants her to bring with her for Christmas Day.

I always say nothing but as she loves cooking she will generally say, for instance, she will make a Christmas pudding.

I then buy everything else and ensure I tell her I've got everything.

She'll turn up with the Christmas pudding but also a Christmas cake, a Yule log, mince pies, sausage rolls, a sausage plait, huge trifle, biscuits, chocolates, cheeses etc.

I know she's trying to be kind but it annoys the hell out of me. We then have two lots of everything. I don't want any more. I've already brought it. It's a waste of my time and money!!!!

Sounds great! You know it's from love - so accept her generosity and make allowances when buying your food as you know she'll bring loads.

omg. imagine seeing the world like this.

I get a list from mum what she is bringing, works well, she brings a lot, all homemade,if I host

Did you mean 😊, to tag you also have to do the @ and then the name.

HTH!

I know….

Throw it in the bin!! Surely you could donate it. There might be a Christmas Shelter that would welcome lovely food. There are several in our ( very affluent) town. Or walk down the High Street and fund a rough sleeper, we have,sadly, many of those too.

OP, your mum sounds amazing.

Grim? Really? Bet you're the life and arsoul of any party!

😂😂😂

Stop it, Value your mum, she will be gone one day.
So what if you have extra, she is showing just how much she LOVES you,

The things people will moan about never ceases to amaze me

Most of your posts are about dieting and weight etc, so all this is you projecting. Not a balanced view at all

Indeed, that's because I've spent 35 years battling disordered eating, caused at least in part by my mother being a feeder. And when she wasn't feeding me she was telling me I was fat. I remember saying to a therapist once that metaphorically it felt like she was giving me food with one hand and hitting me for eating it with the other. The interrelationship between mothers, daughters and food is complex for a lot of people. If you don't know about it you're lucky.

She asks what she wants her to bring with her for Christmas Day.

I always say nothing but as she loves cooking she will generally say, for instance, she will make a Christmas pudding.

You know she loves cooking.

You know she brings extra every time.

It’s so simple - just ask her what she’d like to make, and tell her you won’t buy those things.

Me: come to dinner, I'm cooking xyz

Mum: what shall I bring?

Me : dessert. Thanks.

Sometimes she'll bring a choice of 2 and dad always brings wine. If it doesn't get opened, it gets added to the wine shelf.

It's easy, really.

Op is taking about Christmas only! Not a whole lifetime issue, so please stop projecting your issues with good.

akso at over 50 stop blaming your mother and taje control.

I would put money on this thread being a drop in the ocean of a lifetime of “mother” issues this OP. Some reasonable and others… like this one, utterly unreasonable, but perhaps only unreasonable because we don’t more of the backstory.

face value though? The op is being daft.

OP is also on another thread, sad because her teenagers aren’t the same as when they were little at Christmas.

Shall we still say the issue is her mother and not her? Because let’s be honest children turn into teenagers and that’s life.

I find it unbelievable that most MNs have to blame someone for the way they act. They do not take responsibility for their own actions.

Christmas comes at the end of December, which is day after day of parties. It’s impossible not to put on some weight during this time and I do an activity which is harder to do if I gain weight, so if I l
gain weight i need to lose it and dieting is tiresome.

I wouldn’t want extra food in the house which I’d feel obliged to eat as I hate waste, but will mean I have more weight to lose come new year and it’s not food I’d necessarily choose to eat.

Maybe other mumsnetters don’t gain weight, or maybe they
do and don’t care. Who knows.

Home baked is always better than shop bought though.

I couldn't get angry about extras. Send them home again with her at the end of it bothers you.

I'm with you OP, it's controlling. It would piss me off too.

Everyone needs to be needed.

Don't deny your mum, ask her to bring some food and don't get it yourself.

Yes controlling behaviour going on. My mum is a feeder, then just as someone else said she’d tell me I’m fat, then if I loose weight I look ill. Can’t win.
Mum had weight issues all her life and now she’s very elderly and weighing 7 stone. I’m trying to encourage her to eat, but she’s insisting she’s fine and doesn’t want to be fat !

She used to turn up every time she visited with loads of home made cakes,unfortunately she isn’t a good baker. cream cakes that had been reduced in the supermarket then frozen for months 🤢 When she’d gone home they all went in the bin. Nobody wanted to eat them, but she never learned even though I alway asked her not to bring anything.

I agree. Unless there's an abusive background which would be a massive drip feed. She's a feeder and it brings her pleasure, so... Let her do it. Reduce the stress and cost on yourself. Ask her what she'd like to bring. Maybe even the Turkey or a joint of beef. Or if she's a baker, how about Christmas Eve meal or Boxing Day, the whole thing.

She asks what she wants her to bring with her for Christmas Day. I always say nothing

Why? She clearly wants to bring food, you know this, why don't you ask her to bring a few things? Then check what she's bringing so you don't duplicate.

@Swimmingistoocold

It’s impossible not to put on some weight during this time

🙄