My Mum is a Christmas Feeder!

[brandylegs]

My mum is a feeder generally. It's her way of showing affection.

However, it particularly annoys me at Christmas.

She asks what she wants her to bring with her for Christmas Day.

I always say nothing but as she loves cooking she will generally say, for instance, she will make a Christmas pudding.

I then buy everything else and ensure I tell her I've got everything.

She'll turn up with the Christmas pudding but also a Christmas cake, a Yule log, mince pies, sausage rolls, a sausage plait, huge trifle, biscuits, chocolates, cheeses etc.

I know she's trying to be kind but it annoys the hell out of me. We then have two lots of everything. I don't want any more. I've already brought it. It's a waste of my time and money!!!!

This would annoy me as so wasteful. I’d use my stuff up first and then give back to her to take home any of hers which wouldn’t freeze or wasn’t eaten. Make the waste her issue, not yours. Your mum is being controlling as well as generous.

Take a step back, think of it as a joint event. Growing up we either went to my grandmas or they came to us. Food was sorted by both my mum, grandma and dad. No one was in charge it was a family event - just one person hosted it as we lived 2.5 hours apart.

Discuss who is doing what next year, plan together, reduces your workload, involves everyone. I still do this with my sister by the way.

oh come on OP. this isn't a problem is it? You say yourself that she's doing it to show affection. She's hardly being malicious or controlling - bringing some nice food for everyone to enjoy because she likes baking?

Given that apparently she does it every year, surely you know what to expect now?

If you know she always does it then give her a load of stuff she can bake and bring to keep her happy. Why buy everything yourself when she is eager to help out?

my mum is the same and has basically brought Xmas dinner with her to my house even though we are hosting but you know what- I don’t know how many more years I’ll have my mum at Xmas and no doubt I’ll miss her endless tubs of stuffing and home made cranberry sauce and gravy and mince pies and god knows what.

try and see what she is doing as born from love not a desire to annoy you.

happy Xmas OP

Merry Christmas to you too NinjaWarrior 🎄

Maybe just let her be involved. If she's hosted Christmas when you were children she probably misses being part of the build up. When we moved from travelling to parents to hosting, my mum would always bring her wonderful Han, home made stuffing, cakes etc and make the desserts. Why would you not welcome the help

Merry Christmas

Next year talk to her early December and say you need to coordinate so that you don’t duplicate all the food, let her tell you what she’s bringing. It feels mean to bring nothing. This year freeze some, give her some to take home, give stuff away and throw away what you really can’t use. It’s not important enough to get cross about.

Hope no one brings too many gifts and treats!

Your mum sounds wonderful!!! Some people just want to be miserable for no good reason. Merry Christmas!

I'm with you OP. Both my in-laws and parents are like this - you invite them over, spend a fortune on food and drink, loads of time making nice food, and then they turn up with half of Aldi "to help us out". We've had words with both of them but it's really frustrating, especially when they're on tighter budgets than us. I've started handing some of it back to them as they leave and sending what I can to the foodbank.

I love your mum❤️. Send her to me immediately.

Does she think you don’t provide enough food?

How awful to have a such a lovely mum. Geez if she brough one thing you would be moaning how stingy she is.

Merry Christmas to your mum.

Why on earth don’t you just stop buying these things and allow your mother to?

So bizarre not to come to that conclusion yourself

She wants to contribute

So let her

but it annoys the hell out of me

You sound profoundly unpleasant OP

Oh lovely, you sound like a nightmare 😂 just get grateful, kindness is a silly thing to get resentful over, what a waste of your energy.

If it annoys you that much just don't invite her. Problem solved and you're welcome.

If hers is homemade and yours is 'brought' hers is better than yours.

She probably doesn't want to eat shop 'brought' shit.

I wonder what their mums brought to them?

In the gentlest possible way, what with you wanting to do everything food-wise, is it possible you share the trait?

Oh no I’m afraid you sound like an ungrateful pain in the backside OP, be thankful she still bothers visiting you- she clearly doesn’t feel your nasty attitude towards her or perhaps has no choice but to, or maybe your food isn’t up to scratch and she wants everyone to enjoy some decent food as a Christmas treat? Just a thought…

Merry Christmas 🎄

She sounds lovely and generous , let it go, it's Christmas. I'm sure you can find a food bank to take extra stuff to, even fresh on Christmas Day if you are that bothered .

Send your mum here. I'll have her company and her delicious baked goods.

I was thinking this.

Well then tell her to bring each of those items and you don’t duplicate.

I think the problem here is you?