Husband wants to make 3-year-old wait to open presents

[DucklingDaisy]

Please help me settle a disagreement. We have a 3-year-old and a one-year-old. The older one is extremely excited about Christmas.

Tomorrow morning, my husband wants to make her have breakfast and wait an hour or two before opening presents. He wants to do this so his sister, who is our only guest, can sleep in a bit and then come down and participate in the whole thing. Also because he seems to just believe it's a good rule.

I think that's going to feel torturous for an excited 3-year-old. I think it's setting us up for unnecessary conflict and stress, and getting Christmas off to a terrible start. If she was a bit older it might be different. I think an acceptable compromise would be allowing her to open one present before Breakfast, then waiting no more than about an hour to do the rest. I feel really strongly about this.

Who is being unreasonable?

Breakfast? Isn't that what the satsuma in the stocking and selection box is for?

I know everyone has their own traditions but making a kid wait seems massively pointless and dickish to me. From a childs perspective they have waited all night for santa to visit to then be told in the morning they aren't allowed to open their property that they have been promised until the adults decide they can. Just let the little one get stuck straight in, start the day off happy and excited and carry it on.

Your DH is being unreasonable and silly. Is his sister so precious that she can't get up early, on just one day, to make a kids xmas?

Really, when your DC are young, xmas morning is kind of all about them.

As someone who always had to wait until after breakfast for presents under the tree as a child, I can tell you that it never once felt in the slightest bit cunty.

If his sister is that keen to see her open her presents then she can get up when dd does.

That seems like a good compromise, just don't fall into the buying stuff for stuffs sake crap.

But regardless of future plans, this year you need to put your child first over lazy adults. Delaying it can be introduced later and will happen naturally as they get older, but 7-9am is fine as a window (anything before it's still night!!) Your child will not be expecting a delay as you haven't built it into the expectations so changing last minute is asking for trouble.

As I said, if your partner is so blithe about it he can do the child delaying till adults are up.

We were exactly the same. And no, it wasn’t ‘torturous’. Funnily enough there is mire to Christmas than presents.

Santa doesn't bring all the presents in everyone's house

This. Stockings first thing then everyone up, dressed and breakfast eaten before you start on the main gifts.

Oh gosh he sounds like a kill joy

I would tell him to swiftly fuck off and my child would be opening her presents as soon as she got up.

Sister will wake up with the carnage anyway so let the 3 year old crack on.

Ask him why he's being so miserable at Christmas.

Nah, she can wake up early.

Christmas is for children. Nothing better than excited little children up early on Christmas morning.

My 20 year old ds is working until 1am. He’ll still be up with his little sisters at 7am as they are excited to share christmas with him and will go in and wake him up.

He’ll go back to bed for a bit after - so can your SIL.

That’s a shitty rule. What’s wrong with the pair of them. That he’d suggest it and his sister would not immediately say don’t be ridiculous.

No way! His sister will have to get up if she wants to be involved, I have an excited 3 year old too and there's no way she could wait that long!

At first I thought you meant the three year old had to wait for the 1 year old and I thought hmmm maybe a bit much. But to wait for an adult to wake up, nahhhh. It's Christmas Day!

Used to have my stocking first thing, then church, lunch at 1pm, all the washing up was done, glasses, china and cutlery put away. Then the speech was watched and then presents were opened, probably while watching Billy Smart's circus - child of the 50s.

This fine but the guest is going to need some idea of when this gift giving is happening.

Sometimes dc wake up at 5am are you really going to open main gifts then?

Are there only presents for dc? Are dc giving presents? Are adults giving each other gifts?

This is all going to impact what happens around gift giving and when a good time would be.
I wouldn't worry too much about SIL, it needs to be something that works for DH, you and dc.

We also do this, I don't feel that my children missed out. And we just do family presents on Christmas Day, we open presents from friends on Boxing Day. It's meant more than one day has excitements.

This. This has always been the rule in our house!

We do stockings before breakfast and drag out presents over the day - used to be poo til after lunch but now will be between breakfast and lunch - I think it is ok to wait - but the best outcome is to find a compromise between both of your timings.

Christmas is for kids. It should be the most exciting and fun day for them. Adults not so much. Do what you know the kids would love.

For my entire childhood we opened presents after Christmas lunch. And my kids have followed the same rule. Aside from stockings of course. None of my siblings nor any of my kids had a problem with it. It certainly didn't ruin anything. Christmas is about a lot more than opening presents!

I'm another one who grew up with a stocking at the end of my bed which could be opened as soon as we were awake.
Then breakfast and then presents after breakfast.
I absolutely loved it. It wasn't cruel or the least bit "cunty" @FuckConvoGiveMeAForest 🙄
It kept the excitement going and made sure that we were all together to share present giving and receiving.
I did the same with DD (18) and she's confirmed she only has happy memories and no psychological damage 😁

Christmas is for children not aunts and uncles.
Your DH IBU.

To be fair I always tried to spread it out so one fun thing before breakfast. Then do the rest a bit later. It’s easy for little ones to be over whelmed. Easier when they are older and each present is expensive so you get less.