Husband wants to make 3-year-old wait to open presents

[DucklingDaisy]

Please help me settle a disagreement. We have a 3-year-old and a one-year-old. The older one is extremely excited about Christmas.

Tomorrow morning, my husband wants to make her have breakfast and wait an hour or two before opening presents. He wants to do this so his sister, who is our only guest, can sleep in a bit and then come down and participate in the whole thing. Also because he seems to just believe it's a good rule.

I think that's going to feel torturous for an excited 3-year-old. I think it's setting us up for unnecessary conflict and stress, and getting Christmas off to a terrible start. If she was a bit older it might be different. I think an acceptable compromise would be allowing her to open one present before Breakfast, then waiting no more than about an hour to do the rest. I feel really strongly about this.

Who is being unreasonable?

What a misery guts. Sister needs to get up and nap if she’s tired.

I really don't think she wants for anything. The idea people might think she's hard done by is such a surprise to me.

I don't think she sounds hard done by, but the things you give over the year can be put in the stockings. My dc have toothbrushes, underwear, school stationary, even school uniform at times... all things they would have got anyway.
I asked them once (in teens) if they'd rather choose them when they needed them or have them in the stocking with my choice, and they all chose in the stocking.

I'm another who did/does the stockings first thing, then presents from people that are there after lunch, then boxing day it's presents from people who aren't there. They also get a little present each day until they go back to school.
We found that way there is less of a bad-tempered anti-climax when all feels over.
Dh's family did the rip everything open by 8am and he now prefers our way.

Hang on?! Just realising this is an ADULT sister? I’d be telling him to piss right off.

Everyone has their own idea of what Christmas gift amounts should be and it honestly goes on loads of factors such as budget, what they get from others, how much they get on an ongoing/regular basis, what happened with you as a child etc etc.

I've seen folk on here go on about that shitty rhyme and castigate anyone who gives more than 4 things whilst failing to mention that their parents/relatives are buying DC a pony/ipad/bike etc.

We have always done quite a big pile and included stuff such as PJs/craft supplies etc because A: relatives sent them money for their bank and not gifts (no grandparents on either side :() B: DH and I both grew up in poverty and could afford to make DCs Christmas better than ours C: their birthdays were in the summer so they basically got gifts twice a year although books much more frequently). But I'd never judge how other people do Christmas other than making sure as far as you can that the gifts are things that DC actually want.

That's why Santa only brings the stockings. You open that as soon as you wake.

The rest isn't yours until the family member gives it to you to open.

It spreads the fun out and means the child opens presents when the giver is there and can thank the giver.

If some people have sent gifts they can be opened throughout the day and thank you calls made afterwards.

Means kids aren't bored later with nothing left to open.

Stocking gifts don't have to be tat, a good stocking includes useful items, eg knickers, socks, toiletries, a cup/mug or hair clips. Some enriching stuff like books, craft or art items, some sweets/chocolate/treats, and some fun stuff like games, toys or puzzles. Not plastic or limited play value.

We always did presents after breakfast, and when the kids were old enough, a stocking with a few edibles at the end of the bed. It worked well for us and we avoided over-excited kids who were up at 3 am bouncing round the landing on pogo sticks (that was me as a child!). Also, we wanted to be there when the kids opened their presents, not have them open presents while we were still asleep.

A max tearing open of gifts isn’t good. A three year old won’t even see what they are getting. No wonder the day is pure consumerism to so many.
You have a stocking first thing than everyone gathers at a reasonable time to open presents from under the tree. It is civilised but still ‘magical’.
some very odd comments in this thread. Christmas magic is not just about piles of things%

*mad tearing. It’s very late where I am .

Far from being "cunty", some kids actively prefer the less stressful, less frenzied approach to presents that comes with waiting till after church / breakfast and and spreading them out a bit over the day.

Horses for courses, but it's probably something you'd have wanted to prepare for over the build up to Christmas, and you and your DH do need to be on the same page.

Growing up we always did stocking first thing then family breakfast and then we all gather round and open presents together. Usually my dad handing out individually. Nothing worse than putting thought in to a present and not seeing the recipient open it! I think it's nice to be a whole family thing. I realise I'm in the minority here but I'll certainly be doing the same routine with my children. Presents are usually somewhere between 8-10am depending how quickly we eat. I never felt hard done by as a kid as we had stocking first!

This. My partner and I come from complete opposites of this. His family everything from Santa, stocking first thing then presents with everyone opening at once. My family only stockings from Santa, stockings first thing, presents after lunch. And no I never felt hard done by for waiting- I was busy playing with my stocking things.
This is my DD first Christmas and obviously it doesn't matter much yet as she is only 10m but we have already had discussions about how we want this to work in the future.

I'm in charge of handing out in my family- have been since I was a teen, before that it was dad. It's my favourite job of the year! My sister thought as I have my DD now she might get to do it this year- umm no it's my job!

YANBU. Sister can get up if she cares that much. Santa brings a sack of presents for DC and leaves them under the tree/at the foot of their bed/outside their bedroom door; child wakes, sees the presents and those are for opening now. Relatives’ presents to child and adults are opened later in the day.

I only know one person who doesn’t do this and his poor DC has to wait until after Xmas Dinner, by which time it’s evening. I feel very sad for them missing the magic of Christmas morning.

No I can't stand people that do this. Christmas is all about kids & it's not about your DH creating ridiculous rules. Tell sister to get up or miss out!!

I don't see the issue, but we always have breakfast and wait for everyone to be ready before we open gifts, they have stockings with gifts that keep them occupied while waiting.

This is how we did it. If you start the 3-year-old off like this, there won't be screaming because this will be your family tradition.

3 yr old will be perfectly happy opening her stocking and playing with whatever's in it. That and breakfast will keep her occupied until tis time for family present opening.

We have also done the stocking on the bedroom door handle, daughter comes in and opens them on our bed at about 6am, then down stairs to open gifts from Santa under tree and gifts from us.

Both my wife and I were raised this way so makes sense to us, and honestly I can see a couple of vinyl shaped parcels under the tree and I would be cursing Charlie's name if I had to wait until after 3pm to open them and I am 39 so can't imagine how my 9 year old would feel.

Nope she opens them when you want her to and sil gets up to see it misses it

But why? How shitty is that? Why do you want to do that? Let her open her presents for gods sake.

Well,no they don’t scream because they know that’s what they need to do. It’s a bit shit though.

I don’t undeestand people who won’t let their children open their presents in Christmas morning and make them wait. It’s Christmas . Let them have fun, run down, open their gifts not hey look what Santa bought but can you fuck open them.

@Beercrispsandnuts
For a start for a lot of people the presents under the tree aren't from Santa. Ours had been building under the tree in the days before and were from parents and family so there was no 'look what Santa brought' that was for stockings.
Also it spreads the fun out- I never had a problem waiting till after lunch and would have been overwhelmed with everything first thing.

If she's happy to go and have breakfast when it's suggested, that's what we'll do. If she insists she wants to stay and do more presents first, we're not going to argue with it. That's the agreement we've reached.

I think she's probably going to want to open more than one, but it's possible I'm wrong.

This. His sister needs to get her arse up if she wants to see a little kid at Christmas

im sure she won’t be able to sleep through it all anyway

Visitors should get up early or they miss out