Do you worry about your single friend/relative?

[YouAreNotBatman]

Maybe strange question, but past maybe two-three monthd I’ve had four, FOUR, people saying they worry about me (me being single that is).

I honestly didn’t know what they were on about, or what to say.

Are they being weird, or am I?

Forgive me if I've overshared somehow there by the way. I can get my comments deleted!

This makes me laugh! Yes I've had people saying exactly the same to me. First of all - do they REALLY worry or is it just something to say? And secondly whY exactly are they worrying about. I spend a lot of time saying "don't worry - I'm fine" .

It’s all very well talking about elderly people regretting not having had a family, but having a partner and kids would be the very opposite of living my best life so I’d be sacrificing myself, my happiness and self-confidence now in case I might appreciate it in my 80s. Nope.

I have two long-term single friends who have told me they would like a relationship, are lonely and worry they'll never find someone. I worry about them. I don't worry about people who are happily single.

@EmpressaurusOfWitchesBackFromTheDead you can only "regret" not having children if it's a choice. Not every childless person had a choice in the matter.

I'd never say out loud that I worry what will happen to people in old age. Because there is nothing anyone can do about it. And there is no guarantee that kids will help.

Not worry about, no. But as I’m getting older and starting to think about what I want the rest of my life to be like, I am starting to think that we childfree women need to look out for each other and maintain our own networks. And since I’ve thought that I have put more of a priority on staying in regular touch with my childfree aunt. Both for her own sake and kind of paying it forward. Not to mention that I also get more affection, support and positivity from her than from my increasingly bitter and insular mother.

It's utter delusion to assume children will be there for you later in life, and nobody should be having children with this expectation. My aunt is 70 and has two daughters - one cut her off after an argument and hasn't spoken to her in ten years and the other moved to Australia and visits every 4-5 years.

This line of thought just proves how selfish and self centred most people who have kids are. The one and only reason people should have kids is because they truly believe they have a lot to offer and can dedicate their life to bringing up another human being. Not as some kind of sick insurance policy for when they're old.

I agree with others that most women end up alone anyway, either because their husband leaves or because they die first. It's far harder to cope when you've relied on someone else for years than when you've always been single and have prepared for it.

Someone at my old job once said to me 'You should have kids, you will need them when you are old." So depressing and wrong. Had elderly neighbours once and their adult kids came to see them once in a blue moon. So not sure how my old colleague would explain that one.

I know this old chestnut that you have to have kids in order to be looked after in your old age is barmy.

So you have children who tie up minimum 20 years of your life and hundreds of thousands of pounds (conservatively) in order that they just might take you in when you are decrepit?

A large number of elderly people spend the last years of their lives in residential care settings because their children can’t or don’t want to look after them. Which is fair enough really because why, having raised children, would you want to spend another 20 odd years caring for aged parents?

You can’t dump that weight of expectation on children and you certainly shouldn’t use that as a reason to bring life into the world.