Do you worry about your single friend/relative?

[YouAreNotBatman]

Maybe strange question, but past maybe two-three monthd I’ve had four, FOUR, people saying they worry about me (me being single that is).

I honestly didn’t know what they were on about, or what to say.

Are they being weird, or am I?

I get this from one of my sisters who has been married since the beginning of time and appears unable to say 'I'. I think it must be a projection as she is very happy and cant imagine life as a single person when we meet she aleays ask me if i have met someone 'yet' whichnis annoying but she means well.
My other sister, whonis not exactly unhappy but quite limited in what she can do because her husband is unwell is openly envious.
I have, after years of relationships , decided that I really am happier single. My last partner was a lovely man but I resented him in my space and also the expectation that I would stay with him at weekends and just generally share more.
My focus now is on friends, (of both sexes)hobbies and, work and family and I am happy for it. But I bet you my sister will ask the 'have you found anyone yet' question when we sit down for lunch on Christmas day

Sorry that was EPIC. You obvioulsy hit a chord!

I honestly didn’t know what they were on about, or what to say

I always find a polite 'Oh really? why?' is good.

I totally know what you mean. I have been single for over 8 years since i separated from my EXH.

I've always been happy being single and i love my life, it didn't cross my mind that anyone would worry about.

Earlier this year though after a big family party my lovely dad got a wee bit upset talking about how he worried about me and that he thought I deserved to find someone lovely . I was a bit taken about but it came from a really loving place.

All my siblings are married and I do think, while my parents are proud of me and everything I do as a lone parent and what I've achieved in life at work that they equate real happiness with finding a partner.

I've recently had a couple of health scares that needed hospital stays, I've been overwhelmed with the suport and love from family, friends, work.
Yet I've equally had really frequent comments about people being worried that there's not another adult at home to look after me and support me.

Its all from a really wonderful loving placeand i try and reassure everyone that im fine but I can't help but hate the thought of people worrying about me.

The most interesting friend I have is a 55y single woman with a full and active life. I have never asked her if she has ‘found someone yet’. If she was looking for a partner or unhappy, she would tell me.

It’s incredibly unimaginative to think everyone who is single is unhappy about their status.

Of course not! There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. These people sound incredibly patronising. Or perhaps they are just jealous of your lovely life?

Ugh. I spent most of my life in relationships, two failed marriages and have been single for 4.5 years now. Best most self assuring 4.5 years of my life. Never thought I could live without a man, turns out I thrive without a man! Have a lovely Christmas OP and f**k the begrudgers!

Sadly how they speak of their relationships, I worry about my coupled up friends more. The happiest (women) friends I have are single. I'd worry about a friend who was miserable and lonely, but I've found their relationship status to have little to do with that.

I worried about my friend when she was very ill with covid living hundreds of miles away from me with no one to get stuff for her, she was very poorly. So it wasn’t because she was single it was because she was very unwell living alone.

Most of my single friends are living the life of Riley and have far more active social lives than me.

I would say my single friends (including myself) have much better lives than my married female friends - different but overall better.

There are studies that married/partnered women are the most unhappy in society aren't there?

But I guess the conditioning is strongly against that idea (to keep women in their place?)

I'm single and I worry about some of my friends in relationships...lots of people seem to be in relationships they're unhappy with because they see it as being preferable to being single.

Oh fuck off

I worry about some of my friends in relationships. The constant complaining about their partners and the shocking things they tell me about them. I'd rather be single forever then deal with any of that.

That’s kind of nice. I remember lots of posts from single people being forgotten in lockdown. You’re noticed and thought about.

Yanbu, this has driven me absolutely bonkers since I've been single.

Tell people you're divorced, and their instant reaction - even though they are in deeply unhappy miserable relationships- is sympathy! It's completely absurd.

Sure some people prefer to be in relationships, however unhealthy, but there are very very many very happy singletons.

I worry when they are ill there is no-one to care for them, do shopping etc

Single is cool. You can sleep with whoever you like. Nobody to tell you what to do.

I rarely get sick but am sure my son would step in if needed.

As can be seen by this thread, this is one of those situations where empathy mostly only flows in one direction.

Happily single people can understand and empathise that some people prefer to be single, and sone prefer to be in a relationship.

But there are quite a few people in relationships who for the life of them don't understand at all that other people actively enjoy being single. To them it's lonely, to the singleton, it's divine peace.

@movetduvet You do realise that being single doesn't equate to being alone? I'm genuinely happy being single and I don't feel at all lonely. I have great friends, family and colleagues.

Ok so if they are coming from a patronising/mean place, the best way to deal with it IMO is to serve them back with exactly the same thing. So, wait a few weeks, then ask very earnestly if they’re ok with (their marriage? relationship with MIL? anything they’ve complained about or mentioned negatively), and say you’ve been worrying about them. They’ll quickly realise how annoying it is

I’m single and I don’t always love being single, but I sometimes feel like 50-75% of what makes it difficult is not the singleness itself, but the stigmatisation and all the doom and gloom type comments, well exemplified on this thread, about how it’s akin to having a serious illness etc etc etc. It can feel like there’s a touch of Munchausen by proxy, almost like people want to talk you into feeling that your life is not ok. I wonder how the health scores of single people might improve if we lived in a society where our lives were treated with respect and ‘you’ll end up alone’ not regularly referred to on sitcoms etc as the most horrible thing that could possibly happen. If someone wants to be in a relationship and isn’t that’s tough, but there’s no need to compound it by treating singleness as a disease. Not everyone winds up with someone, and we would be a more mature society if we started acknowledging that as a fact of life and treating it as a matter of course rather than an aberration

it's well known that loneliness is as bad as smoking when it come to health issues and shortening your life

While I heartily concur with the fuck off to this poster from another pp, you're making the common and comforting assumption that a lot of people make about single people - that we're lonely. Nope, we're alone. Big difference.

How patronising. Some of us have no choice but to be alone and we can’t all be “pack animals”

Get in first! Say 'Have you decided to leave Derek yet?' I dare you!😂

Yeah, I'd ask them what they mean?

I do feel a little sad about single SIL (mid 30s), who has never had a LT partner but I'd never say anything to her and I do know she is not single by choice.

It's all a bit puzzling as she is stunning and accomplished (and very nice), a real catch by anyone's standard. My suspicion is the kind of guys she'd like are the kind of guys who are too shy to go for her - she's always had lots of 'cool' mates in the arts or who know people in cool bands but she's more into art and history. I think confident, showy blokes try to get her attention but that's not her type - I suspect she'd prefer shy and bookish, but those guys probably assume she's out of her league. Not saying it's their job to land her - I suppose she's not sure what she wants from someone.