Am I in the wrong .

[Doughnutsarelush]

Just need some advice here please . My other half moved in with me and my children . He has a child from previous who he has 50 percent of the time . My youngest has a severe weakness in her chest and is on asthma medication . Three times this month he’s child has came to my house when unwell and made my children all unwell and requiring the youngest to be hospitalised once through becoming unwell . On Tuesday child came round again when I was assured it was just a cough but child was very unwell , I had to try and keep my children away and my vunerable mum who lives with me . Child is expected to come here tonight and stay until tomorrow afternoon and come back Christmas Day Until Thursday, I am concerned about everyone becoming unwell again . Just for reference I adore my stepchild and do everything I can . Just wondered if anyone had some thoughts on what they would do in this situation . Thank you

i am very sorry about your son. I think other posters are under estimating the risks of getting a respiratory infection when your 4 year old's asthma is so severe that she needs to be hospitalised. That's without considering the additional risks for your mother. The other thing that would upset me in this situation is being lied to about the extent of your stepson's illness.

it seems to me that you have to consider whether you and your partner would be better off living apart or whether you can manage the current situation. You didn't ask this but if I had a partner who had income from 3 Air BnBs and I was being asked to contribute to my stepson's school fees, I would feel a bit exploited too.

Why are you spending money on his DC's education and holidays when you could be spending it on your own kids, or saving it for them, or paying off your mortgage? Or really any number of things that would benefit you and/or them, who should be your ultimate priority?

Three years! Utter madness.

The child should be able to come over as per contact.

But it's clear that's not the biggest issue here.

Is there more to this? So far from reading I've got:

1. You got with this man straight after losing your son (I can't imagine how devastated you must have been and still are) / having a new baby (very vulnerable with a new baby)

1. He lives with you and doesn't pay rent or bills but "a contribution".

1. You pay 70% of his son's private school fees because his ex asked you to.

1. He has three air B&Bs and he gets an income from these. You haven't mentioned if he has a job (that I can see). Renting out three properties is not a full time job.

1. He has moved in with you, your children and your Mum. You have not mentioned how your children or Mum feel about him living with you.

1. You have given his son his own room in your home. Did this move one or more of your children into sharing together or do you have a really big house?

1. When his child was poorly, you were moved out of your own room to let them have the double bed when your partner could have slept on the floor in his sons room. Why did this happen?

From everything you have said, you are in a very vulnerable place and you are been used by your partner and his ex.

Sorry but your stepchild has to be treated as part of the family. They ARE part of the family. Would you send your own children somewhere else if they were unwell on the days your partner has his child to stay?

If the child is actively unwell, then it's reasonable they stay with their mum, otherwise your kids mix with lots of other kids so it's inevitable

I would kick him out. I felt this way even before reading your other posts. He has only just moved in. You should prioritise your own children.

Your son should have priority. Sad for DSS but health comes first.

He does? And yet he uses you and your home as a matter of convenience with very little outlay or recompense to you. You are giving him and his ex and his son time, effort, finance that belongs to your family. What do you get from the relationship?
.

Don't be sorry. Use that emotional effort on reading all of OPs posts.

I don't like to say it but your partner is using using you and you are not seeing the wood for the trees. Your DD has brittle asthma. It's life threatening as you know, and yet he brings a child into her vicinity with no care for your DDs life?

This isn't just a normal childhood illness it's severely impacting all your lives.

He must have been aware the kid was ill when he brought him, yet still carried on? Rethink this relationship OP, he doesn't have your best interest at heart.

Exactly. @Doughnutsarelush needs to open her eyes. Her boyfriend and his ex are exploiting a vulnerable, grieving, worried mother. Her bf’s son is not her step son. She’s known them for 3 years.

Time to kick the man out. I wonder if he will still be interested in OP when he has to pay for his own place to live and doesn’t receive any financial help from OP. He’ll soon disappear. Sorry OP, but please put your own family first.

I think under the circumstances your boyfriend and his son should stay in one of his other properties. And ideally not move back in.

It’s safer for your clinically vulnerable child, and you are being exploited. I’m also so sorry for your loss.

I sympathise OP

but come on!! You are a grown assed adult. You are a single mother of young children. Your vulnerable mother lives with you. You are obviously in a very very strong financial position that allows you to cover multiple private school fees and a large house…. Woman the hell up and stop being such a limp lettuce.

You got together with him very soon after a horrific bereavement with a young baby, and you’ve now moved him in to your family home with your young children and other. And money that could be going to your children is going to him and his child.

Engage brain. Grow a spine. And start advocating for yourself and your children. Sharpish.

Thank you to everyone who has taken time to give advice , I will take stock . Apart from the poster telling me I am unhinged no need for that at all . Thank you

Maybe he shouldn't off moved in with you you knew he has his child 50% off the time and you knew your child was vulnerable to sickness.

I take it you didn't bother to read the whole thread @EmilyGilmoresSass. I am not sure calling a grieving mother 'unhinged' is really appropriate or particularly kind.

You are most definitely not unhinged and saying anything of the sort is disgusting. That poster should be ashamed - some people say things with only the purpose of hurting someone. The majority of people do genuinely care.

I really do wish you well and hope you can come to the right decision for you about what is right for you and your family.