Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I in the wrong .

168 replies

Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 07:15

Just need some advice here please . My other half moved in with me and my children . He has a child from previous who he has 50 percent of the time . My youngest has a severe weakness in her chest and is on asthma medication . Three times this month he’s child has came to my house when unwell and made my children all unwell and requiring the youngest to be hospitalised once through becoming unwell . On Tuesday child came round again when I was assured it was just a cough but child was very unwell , I had to try and keep my children away and my vunerable mum who lives with me . Child is expected to come here tonight and stay until tomorrow afternoon and come back Christmas Day Until Thursday, I am concerned about everyone becoming unwell again . Just for reference I adore my stepchild and do everything I can . Just wondered if anyone had some thoughts on what they would do in this situation . Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 07:32

I’m not expecting him to not see he’s child I’m thinking me he should stay at he’s house that is an air bnb .

OP posts:
Original poster
Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 07:36

And if my children are in the home unwell I take precautions they stay in there bedroom etc . This does not happen with he’s child . Il

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 23/12/2022 07:36

It sounds like you think step child shouldn't be coming round when I'll, but they live in your house as much as any of the other dc do. Do you have thoughts of excluding any other family members from their home when they are ill? Or just this dc?

I don't think you should have moved in together if you can't except that your dp's dc is as welcome as your own.

namechangeymcchange · 23/12/2022 07:40

Why can't you do what you'd do with your kids?

Ursuladevine · 23/12/2022 07:41

Why on earth did you move him in?

Ursuladevine · 23/12/2022 07:43

Your young child has a chronic health condition

seems totally daft to move in a man so soon (and in guessing this is “soon” given your child from a previous relationship is only 4)

Mydogatemypurse · 23/12/2022 07:43

What would you do if it was ghe other way round? Its not a nice situation but he is your family

PAFMO · 23/12/2022 07:45

There are a million threads on here with women complaining their ex won't have their child when the child is ill.

Sounds like you've got a good one.

If you expected him not to have his child when the child is ill, you may find he has something to say about your mother living with you. Presumably you don't send her elsewhere when she's sick?

Mydogatemypurse · 23/12/2022 07:45

Ursuladevine · 23/12/2022 07:43

Your young child has a chronic health condition

seems totally daft to move in a man so soon (and in guessing this is “soon” given your child from a previous relationship is only 4)

It might not be soon at all, there is no way of knowing their situation

Original poster
Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 07:45

I love my stepdchild and do the same I would do for my children in all aspects even though it’s one of the hardest things I’ve done but I didn’t quite know what I was in for . Of course I don’t expect him not to come round when unwell but it’s been horrific this month and my children live here full time , it is there only home . Child gets dragged here unwell of an evening , crying it’s just hard . Thank you for your advice .

OP posts:
Purplelion · 23/12/2022 07:46

You make your young children stay in their room when they’re ill? My teenager didn’t even do that when she had covid, she set herself up in the dining room and the rest of us ate in the living room etc but she wanted to be close to us still.

GrazingSheep · 23/12/2022 07:47

Child gets dragged here unwell of an evening , crying it’s just hard

Does the child not want to come to your house?

getmesomewater · 23/12/2022 07:47

@Doughnutsarelush il go against the grain here but as a mum and stepmum I would be the same. Where there's illness I avoid and if mine are ill sickness bugs etc then obv they stay home with me n don't go see their dad.
One of my children was just getting over a awful illness a few weeks ago n my partner who lives with me 50% n works away rest of the time was going to bring his dd over for normal sleepover but her mother wasn't sure if she had strep a or not so I was like hell no not the child's fault but I said no. So he stayed at his mothers with her. I just couldn't believe how stupid her mother cud b.
I understand where you are coming from op it's hard but u need to sit down n talk with your dp x

Original poster
Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 07:48

My oldest child is 18 and yes he can come out of the room with precautions as he is old enough to understand that certain people need some protection from becoming unwell repeatedly .

OP posts:
Ursuladevine · 23/12/2022 07:49

Mydogatemypurse · 23/12/2022 07:45

It might not be soon at all, there is no way of knowing their situation

Show quote history

I would put money on it being soon.

and surely it can’t be that long if we’re talking about a 4 year old from a precious relationship!

SmileWithADimple · 23/12/2022 07:49

Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 07:32

I’m not expecting him to not see he’s child I’m thinking me he should stay at he’s house that is an air bnb .

Well, that seems reasonable. Has he refused to do this?

Original poster
Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 07:49

it’s been three and a half years .

OP posts:
namechangeymcchange · 23/12/2022 07:50

What age is his child?

Original poster
Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 07:51

My mum lived with me before he moved in , he knew the situation and that’s why he only pays a contribution to live in my house .

OP posts:
Brefugee · 23/12/2022 07:51

Well, the 50% arrangement was in place when you moved together so it comes with the deal.

In your shoes? I'd want partner and their child to move out to protect my vulnerable DC and mum.

Ursuladevine · 23/12/2022 07:52

Why move him in? Young children with a chronic health condition. Your elderly vulnerable mother lives with you. And then him moving in and his child 50% of the time. Mind boggles

MelchiorsMistress · 23/12/2022 07:54

I can imagine it is very hard and that you didn’t fully think through what you were letting yourself and your children in for when you let your partner and his child move in, but what’s done is done and you just have to accept it as it is now.

Can you imagine if an adult you cared about told you that when they were a child, not only did they have to cope with living between two homes, but that when they got ill they weren’t welcome in one of those homes and had to go and stay in the Airbnb their Dad used to live in? You’d feel sad for that child if you had even an ounce of compassion. You can’t do it.

Original poster
Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 08:00

I totally understand what you’re saying and of course I feel for him .But the alternative is that I keep my 3 year old away from a child with a sickness bug and a chest infection . Hard all round . My own making sadly .

OP posts:
Ursuladevine · 23/12/2022 08:00

Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 08:00

I totally understand what you’re saying and of course I feel for him .But the alternative is that I keep my 3 year old away from a child with a sickness bug and a chest infection . Hard all round . My own making sadly .

3 or 4?

Lolacat1234 · 23/12/2022 08:00

Surely you considered the fact he has a child he has 50% of the time when he moved in with you? I'm afraid step-children are no different to biological siblings, if you had another biological child that was always ill through being older and at nursery you would just have to get on with it presumably? This is no different? You can't turn the child away because he's ill, it's your partners child and your home is now their home 50% of the time. It's a bit sad you don't seem to be seeing it that way.