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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I in the wrong .

168 replies

Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 07:15

Just need some advice here please . My other half moved in with me and my children . He has a child from previous who he has 50 percent of the time . My youngest has a severe weakness in her chest and is on asthma medication . Three times this month he’s child has came to my house when unwell and made my children all unwell and requiring the youngest to be hospitalised once through becoming unwell . On Tuesday child came round again when I was assured it was just a cough but child was very unwell , I had to try and keep my children away and my vunerable mum who lives with me . Child is expected to come here tonight and stay until tomorrow afternoon and come back Christmas Day Until Thursday, I am concerned about everyone becoming unwell again . Just for reference I adore my stepchild and do everything I can . Just wondered if anyone had some thoughts on what they would do in this situation . Thank you

OP posts:
namechangeymcchange · 23/12/2022 08:01

Is your child 3 or 4?

Original poster
Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 08:02

My child is 4 on Thursday .

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 23/12/2022 08:04

he knew the situation and that’s why he only pays a contribution to live in my house

How much is he paying? Does it cover the extra costs of him living there?

Ursuladevine · 23/12/2022 08:09

Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 08:02

My child is 4 on Thursday .

Ok so very young.
how many other children?
and you vulnerable mother you live with?

OP, time to reconsider him moving in I suspect

namechangeymcchange · 23/12/2022 08:10

How old is his child and how old are your children?

How do you manage having your vulnerable mother living with and your other children who are surely bug magnets anyway?

Flowersinspringgrowwild · 23/12/2022 08:11

How regularly sick can the step child be that it’s causing this much of a problem? All kids get sick at some point surely the run of illnesses is done now? What does your four-year-old do in terms of nursery and what will they do in terms of school? I’m just struggling to see how you are justifying potentially excluding the step child.

Original poster
Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 08:12

My mum moved In when my son died as I needed her .My partner at the time couldn’t handle it and left us and I fell pregnant with my four year old at a very vunerable time when he came to ask for forgiveness . I realised there was no going back with him for me but there was no way I wasn’t having my baby .

OP posts:
Ursuladevine · 23/12/2022 08:14

Op you are very very vulnerable.

you just need time. You and your family.

STARCATCHER22 · 23/12/2022 08:15

Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 08:12

My mum moved In when my son died as I needed her .My partner at the time couldn’t handle it and left us and I fell pregnant with my four year old at a very vunerable time when he came to ask for forgiveness . I realised there was no going back with him for me but there was no way I wasn’t having my baby .

Whilst this is all very emotive, I’m not entirely sure what it’s got to do with your step child being poorly and you wanting to exclude them…

It may not be ideal for them to come and live with you all when they are poorly but that is the reality of a blended family.

Original poster
Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 08:15

I never exclude him , and I’m trying to be the best that I can for him . My four year old does not go to nursery as I have a business that I run so if I’m not working I spend as much time with her as I can , and on the other days she is with her nanny . I know I probably do bubble wrap her but I can’t bear to see her in hospital all the time .

OP posts:
STARCATCHER22 · 23/12/2022 08:16

Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 08:15

I never exclude him , and I’m trying to be the best that I can for him . My four year old does not go to nursery as I have a business that I run so if I’m not working I spend as much time with her as I can , and on the other days she is with her nanny . I know I probably do bubble wrap her but I can’t bear to see her in hospital all the time .

What are you planning to do about her going to school? They are a breeding ground for all sorts of germs and if she’s never been to nursery, she’s going to pick up every possible germ when she starts school.

Flowersinspringgrowwild · 23/12/2022 08:16

So sorry about your son op ❤️

Original poster
Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 08:17

@STARCATCHER22

I am not excluding him , I do school pick ups and drop offs three times a week , decorated and gave him he’s own bedroom , take him out , buy clothes , do everything a mother would and I hope that he loves me like I do him . And it’s not said to be emotive , it’s explaining why my mum is there and why I got with partner so soon after my baby was born . I knew him and he was my tower of strength .

OP posts:
Original poster
Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 08:18

She will be going to a very small private school where my other children go and I am also sending stepson there .

OP posts:
HettySunshine · 23/12/2022 08:20

Your partner came as a twin pack with his child. If have one you have to have the other and that's the way it is. If you can't deal with that - in all it's forms - then you can't live together.

It's shit bit themes the breaks. His relationship with his child is more important than his relationship with you.

If he still has his own home then I think he needs to move back there until your dd is settled in school and has improved her immunity a bit.

HettySunshine · 23/12/2022 08:23

Also, YOU are sending your dsd to the private school??

namechangeymcchange · 23/12/2022 08:23

Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 08:18

She will be going to a very small private school where my other children go and I am also sending stepson there .

You're overstepping.

It's not for you to send this child anywhere (re school)

HettySunshine · 23/12/2022 08:23

Sorry, dss

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 23/12/2022 08:24

I guess this should have been discussed before he moved in. Previously my exh had dc as did I. We agreed - and with his ex - if any illness his dc didn't visit. Mixing a bunch of sick dc and having 2 houses of sickness was pointless.. Ime. His ex was more than happy as their dc preferred being at home with her when ill anyway.

Theunamedcat · 23/12/2022 08:24

Your overstepping massively here private school? What happens if you split up? Your going to be on the hook for someone else's child?

namechangeymcchange · 23/12/2022 08:25

What age is his child? Apologies if I've missed it.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 23/12/2022 08:25

Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 08:17

@STARCATCHER22

I am not excluding him , I do school pick ups and drop offs three times a week , decorated and gave him he’s own bedroom , take him out , buy clothes , do everything a mother would and I hope that he loves me like I do him . And it’s not said to be emotive , it’s explaining why my mum is there and why I got with partner so soon after my baby was born . I knew him and he was my tower of strength .

Op, you sound incredibly vulnerable and that youre doing to bulk of the parenting of your partners child too when he is with his father.

how did the child’s mother react to you sending him to the private school?

what day-to-day parenting does your partner do for your children and his child? What are his responsibilities?

User0610134057 · 23/12/2022 08:25

Very difficult but that’s what happens with siblings. Your DP shouldn’t say their Dc can only come if they’re well. It’s a 50/50 arrangement and he has to share in everything

STARCATCHER22 · 23/12/2022 08:26

Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 08:18

She will be going to a very small private school where my other children go and I am also sending stepson there .

Do children at private schools not get sick?

Not sure how you’re sending your SS to private school unless you alone are paying for it.

All the backstory about your mother and how quickly you got with your partner are irrelevant as is the list of things you do for your SS. Dropping him to school and decorating a room for him don’t mean much if you want him and your partner to stay elsewhere when he’s poorly…

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 23/12/2022 08:28

STARCATCHER22 · 23/12/2022 08:26

Do children at private schools not get sick?

Not sure how you’re sending your SS to private school unless you alone are paying for it.

All the backstory about your mother and how quickly you got with your partner are irrelevant as is the list of things you do for your SS. Dropping him to school and decorating a room for him don’t mean much if you want him and your partner to stay elsewhere when he’s poorly…

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It is all incredibly relevant. It gives a picture of who is actually most likely looking after this sick child.

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