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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I in the wrong .

168 replies

Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 07:15

Just need some advice here please . My other half moved in with me and my children . He has a child from previous who he has 50 percent of the time . My youngest has a severe weakness in her chest and is on asthma medication . Three times this month he’s child has came to my house when unwell and made my children all unwell and requiring the youngest to be hospitalised once through becoming unwell . On Tuesday child came round again when I was assured it was just a cough but child was very unwell , I had to try and keep my children away and my vunerable mum who lives with me . Child is expected to come here tonight and stay until tomorrow afternoon and come back Christmas Day Until Thursday, I am concerned about everyone becoming unwell again . Just for reference I adore my stepchild and do everything I can . Just wondered if anyone had some thoughts on what they would do in this situation . Thank you

OP posts:
namechangeymcchange · 23/12/2022 08:45

What @LorenzoVonMatterhorn said

PAFMO · 23/12/2022 08:47

Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 07:45

I love my stepdchild and do the same I would do for my children in all aspects even though it’s one of the hardest things I’ve done but I didn’t quite know what I was in for . Of course I don’t expect him not to come round when unwell but it’s been horrific this month and my children live here full time , it is there only home . Child gets dragged here unwell of an evening , crying it’s just hard . Thank you for your advice .

Everything you have said about your stepchild would indicate your first sentence is a lie.

Ansumpasty · 23/12/2022 08:47

There is obviously a lot more to it and this is the tip of the iceberg. I’m so sorry about your son- it’s very understandable if you have anxiety and fears about your other children getting poorly with the trauma you have experienced.

xmaslurgy · 23/12/2022 08:49

Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 07:32

I’m not expecting him to not see he’s child I’m thinking me he should stay at he’s house that is an air bnb .

Yeah I'd get him to move back out there

TheHauntedPencilCase · 23/12/2022 08:52

Purplelion · 23/12/2022 07:20

You just have to deal with it how you would deal with it if someone in your household 100% of the time was ill

This

xmaslurgy · 23/12/2022 08:53

Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 08:31

My stepsons mother asked me to contribute as her and my partner both went to private school . With my children going how could I say no ? It’s not a backstory someone asked why my mum lives with me and was he ok with it so I explained .

Wtaf. No. Your partner shouldn't be allowing you to fund his child's education.

He's using you

xmaslurgy · 23/12/2022 08:54

Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 08:37

I always take all the children on holiday where’s my partner just takes he’s blood child so I am guess I’m fed up with my children sharing everything .

You are being used

GrazingSheep · 23/12/2022 08:54

The drip feed is annoying…

AnotherCountryMummy · 23/12/2022 08:56

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 23/12/2022 08:43

Try reading ALL of op's posts at this stage and then reply. Youre coming iff like an idiot and really not helping op by replying as you read so far in. Honestly. Take a minute.

Show quote history

I have read them. I also replied properly, but was shocked by this comment. If one choses to blend families then IMO, they can't exclude a child through illness. Regardless of whether otjer properties are available.

xmaslurgy · 23/12/2022 08:56

GrazingSheep · 23/12/2022 08:54

The drip feed is annoying…

To be fair to OP she only wanted advice on the one issue. But yeah, you have bigger issues OP.

Original poster
Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 08:56

It must be @GrazingSheep please don’t feel the need to comment . Thanks

OP posts:
xmaslurgy · 23/12/2022 08:57

AnotherCountryMummy · 23/12/2022 08:56

I have read them. I also replied properly, but was shocked by this comment. If one choses to blend families then IMO, they can't exclude a child through illness. Regardless of whether otjer properties are available.

Show quote history

They shouldn't be blending at all. The man is a golddigger

Original poster
Doughnutsarelush · 23/12/2022 08:57

@xmaslurgy I did just ask for advice as I wanted to get opinions from other people . I have had to include other bits to explain certain things asked of me . Thank you

OP posts:
LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 23/12/2022 09:00

AnotherCountryMummy · 23/12/2022 08:56

I have read them. I also replied properly, but was shocked by this comment. If one choses to blend families then IMO, they can't exclude a child through illness. Regardless of whether otjer properties are available.

Show quote history

It does not sound to me at all like the op’s partner, the child’s actual parent, is blending families.

AnotherCountryMummy · 23/12/2022 09:01

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 23/12/2022 08:40

Did you read all of op’s posts and still think that?

Show quote history

Yes! Blending families is such a big decision and sadly, I feel OP has done it when she's not ready, for a whole host of reasons. I said the above with kindness.

AnotherCountryMummy · 23/12/2022 09:02

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 23/12/2022 09:00

It does not sound to me at all like the op’s partner, the child’s actual parent, is blending families.

Show quote history

Ask the child how they feel about that, when they now regularly stay at somebody else's house who has children.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 23/12/2022 09:03

@Doughnutsarelush
What responsibilities does your partner take in the house?
what parenting does he do daily for the children?
what help is he to you in your life realistically?
how old is the child?

you are exhausted. you are not thinking clearly.

what does your mother think about this? Does she know you pay the fees? Does she know you do all the school runs?

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 23/12/2022 09:04

AnotherCountryMummy · 23/12/2022 09:02

Ask the child how they feel about that, when they now regularly stay at somebody else's house who has children.

Show quote history

Your comment makes no sense.

do you think the father has blended the families and treats all children the same?

Remagirl · 23/12/2022 09:08

If your partners child was your child you'd all just have to get on with it. Kids get ill. What's to say your child doesn't pass bugs back. I realise it's worrying but exposure should eventually build some immunity. Could your mum wear a mask?

AnotherCountryMummy · 23/12/2022 09:08

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 23/12/2022 09:04

Your comment makes no sense.

do you think the father has blended the families and treats all children the same?

Show quote history

Look, what is your problem with me here?

OP posted and I responded. She wants opinions. Why are you creating these silly sub arguments with me and derailing this?

I have no idea what the father thinks. I was merely replying to OP.

Are you bored today?

HoppingPavlova · 23/12/2022 09:08

And if my children are in the home unwell I take precautions they stay in there bedroom etc .

You are able to successfully confine a 3/4yo to their bedroom 24 hours a day when they are sick! That’s an unusual child. You either need a medal for brilliant parenting or there’s something very amiss that’s this works.

Mixedupkids · 23/12/2022 09:16

Are you happy for your partner to get a place of his own separate from your home?

Beautiful3 · 23/12/2022 09:17

If it was me with a child who's so vunerable with their health. I wouldn't have allowed another person and their child to move in.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 23/12/2022 09:19

@Doughnutsarelush

the problem you will now have with this thread, which is evident already, is the original post creates a very different picture to all the updates combined. People will not read the whole thread before commenting and therefore you will still get people advising based on your early posts.

You are not wrong. Your dp is not the good person you think he is. His ex is not a good person. They are exploiting your vulnerability.

do you have friends irl you can confide in? And be honest with?

Mixedupkids · 23/12/2022 09:23

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 23/12/2022 09:19

@Doughnutsarelush

the problem you will now have with this thread, which is evident already, is the original post creates a very different picture to all the updates combined. People will not read the whole thread before commenting and therefore you will still get people advising based on your early posts.

You are not wrong. Your dp is not the good person you think he is. His ex is not a good person. They are exploiting your vulnerability.

do you have friends irl you can confide in? And be honest with?

Agreed. I read back slightly and she needs to let this leech go.
This lady has so much strength and love and is wasting on this poor excuse of a man.