Am I in the wrong .

[Doughnutsarelush]

Just need some advice here please . My other half moved in with me and my children . He has a child from previous who he has 50 percent of the time . My youngest has a severe weakness in her chest and is on asthma medication . Three times this month he’s child has came to my house when unwell and made my children all unwell and requiring the youngest to be hospitalised once through becoming unwell . On Tuesday child came round again when I was assured it was just a cough but child was very unwell , I had to try and keep my children away and my vunerable mum who lives with me . Child is expected to come here tonight and stay until tomorrow afternoon and come back Christmas Day Until Thursday, I am concerned about everyone becoming unwell again . Just for reference I adore my stepchild and do everything I can . Just wondered if anyone had some thoughts on what they would do in this situation . Thank you

It’s not the child’s fault though. In your position I would be extremely concerned too but he is her father. What if it was one of your kids and they were getting ostracised just before Christmas? Not allowed to see their parent while unwell on the off chance said parent’s new family got sick?

That is pretty hurtful to an already unwell child. She must feel so unwanted.

In which case, the poorly step child is the least of OP’s concerns… why is the child’s father not stepping up?

My stepsons mother asked me to contribute as her and my partner both went to private school . With my children going how could I say no ? It’s not a backstory someone asked why my mum lives with me and was he ok with it so I explained .

That's not the same as "I will be sending"

This isn’t me trying to exclude him , I am drained from four weeks of illnesses and hospitalisations and then being lied 2 that stepson is well when isn’t .

I’ve not said he cannot be at mine , I’ve asked for advice and wondered if partner and child could stay there whilst he’s unwell . Maybe that is unreasonable I’m just trying to keep everyone well .

Well I am doing a 70 percent contribution and school drop off and pick ups so it does feel like I’m sending .

He's also preschool age if he's not already at school.

So both of you moved on incredibly quickly.

That makes it possible that you're trauma bonded and possibly not a good fit together.

how old is the chid.

what is the father doing for him? And for all the children?

i do feel you are vulnerable and possibly being exploited here in some way.

Sorry, your step child's mother asked you to contribute to his school fees? Did I get that right?

why the actual fuck are you though? You need to speak to someone irl about this. You are being exploited.

this is a HUGE financial commitment to a man you've known 3 years.

why are you doing all the school runs?

what the actual hell does the father do?

I always take all the children on holiday where’s my partner just takes he’s blood child so I am guess I’m fed up with my children sharing everything .

I say this with kindness and as a stepmum too. I used to feel exactly the same way.

However, you chose to live together with DP and blend families. Would you say DP or you own child couldn't come home if poorly? No, didn't think so. So you cannot do the same to DP's child. It's exclusion and will rot your relationship with your DP and stepchild. And probably SC's mother as well.

Good luck, it's tough but you need to grin and bear it. And just up hygiene measures at home.

OP I think your frustration is much bigger than just his child coming over when they're sick. You don't sound OK. You sound exhausted. You actually sound like you're being used by this man and now also by he's ex partner. Maybe time to take a step back and reassess, and possible create a new thread for advice re how you're being treated. I'm so very sorry to hear about your son.

I strongly suspect you should end the relationship and have him move out. then go back or continue with therapy. Your boundaries are awful. Really poor.

the child’s parents should either pay his fees or change his school immediately.

This.

You have no obligation to contribute to his school fees at all, never mind 70%.

They’ve seen you coming alright and are taking you for an absolute ride. I’m not surprised he was your tower of strength when you were vulnerable.

(I have to admit to being a little sceptical about some of the details, you must be absolutely loaded to afford all these private school fees and have a house with a lot of bedrooms considering your mum lives with you, you’ve got your own children and SS has his own room)

Alongside all else you have said I am wondering if there is so much more to your misgivings.

The mother of your stepchild directly asked you, not your partner (though I assume he also contributes), you to contribute to her child's private education?

Does she contribute to your household? You have already said he hardly does. And it seems he uses you to make his parenting easier - you said he has his own home, where he could safely and pleasantly house his child when ill!

From here it sounds as though both of them are abusing your hospitality and purse strings.

Did you read all of op’s posts and still think that?

Oh behave! Are you going to take your DCs to an Air BnB when they are poorly? 🙄

I think this the issue. You sound like you have done a lot.

Personally I would have said no at the school fees. Especially if the child has 2 parents that went to private school, that can't afford the fees themselves.

Anyway, I would ask him to move out and re evaluate my relationship.

And with the posts I missed I can only add - RUN! You are being abused.

His child, his house. Not he's child, he's house.

His house.... that he AirBnBs it is not the OPs fault!

Try reading ALL of op's posts at this stage and then reply. Youre coming iff like an idiot and really not helping op by replying as you read so far in. Honestly. Take a minute.

I think this is a tough one. You have a son who is vulnerable and have experienced the loss of a child too. Your step son needs consistency and to see his dad, which conflicts with your need to avoid your young son getting bugs. I can see the argument that step son should come over no matter how Ill. But I hear you that this is very stressful for you. Maybe there is a compromised to be reached. I guess it depends on how well you get along with step sons mum, and how your partner feels about swapping days around etc. i feel for you, it must be very hard x