Performance parenting rant!

[Iwantquietargh]

On the bus with 6yo child today - spent about 10 minutes explaining about being considerate to others on the bus as she was quite loud. To be fair the bus was empty up the top where we but that’s not the point.

anyway woman gets on with 2 boys between 7-9. Sat directly next to us with every other seat empty upstairs and starts being SO LOUD. changed names but all ‘Harry! Can I sit underneath you? Sit on my lap! Oh can we see this can we see that. Oh dear we forgot the library books! Are we excited for the museum?’

to add, the boys got on the bus and talked quietly between themselves. I know it’s common but my lord, SHUT UP 😂 Sorry I just needed to rant after 30 minutes of listening to that.

Well, the loudness sounds very irritating, but isn't the rest just....chatting with children?

That’s called engaging with your children, Op

Oh, there’s a way of doing it that goes far beyond just entertaining your children.

Sigh. Inverse snobbery all over this. Odd and weird as it may seem to you, OP, some children do love museums and libraries. I did (and do) and so did my children. And we talked about it in public. Shame on us.

I’d assume that children would want to sit in a specific seat on top of the bus. Library and museum is fairly normal activities with children where I live - they are free, after all.
it sounds as if you find this pretentious- it really isn’t. Maybe give it a try?

That's not performance parenting. It's just... Parenting?

I suspect it was the volume rather than the content OP is referring to.

This.

Op surely you spoke to your daughter on the bus to pass the time? The other mum was just talking to her children.

So were you explaining to her on the bus that she has to behave nicely? Sounds more like show parenting than the other woman.

Agree.

It breeds loud adults who talk on the phone from the back of the bus so loudly that you can hear the conversation from the front of the bus.

The people on the thread saying it's fine are the typically guilty parties. Also the type who think everyone should be delighted to hear their choice of music from their phone loudspeaker.

As a rural car driver, we loved the bus when we visited cities and chatted the whole journey, pointing things out and talking about where we were going.

Sorry if that annoyed anyone 😁

I don't remember being loud but I used to chat to my child on the bus all the time, some times probably more interesting than others, I genuinely thought that was just parents did?

I think telling your daughter to be quiet on an empty bus is worse than pointing things out tbh. Be considerate yes, make yourself invisible no. Especially for girls.

There is nothing wrong with just allowing your child to quietly look out of the window for the bus journey either. Some parents seem to think that they have to actively engage with their child every second, and those that do not are not somehow lesser.

Their bus ride sounds much more fun

Her parenting sounds fine, some people do have loud voices though, which can be annoying.

We were also going the museum. No snobbery. It was the volume of her. The bus was practically empty , it was unnecessary

I never understand this sneering about so-called "performance parenting". Mums and dads are actually ALLOWED to chat with their children. Sorry you don't engage with yours and you feel the need to be unkind to people who do.

Or maybe some people just chat with their children?, next it will be 'omg my neighbour fed their child peas, I cant cope with how judged I feel'

I was sitting in the gp waiting room once when a dad walked his small child around and made him stop in front of everyone and perform (mainly animal impressions). I work with kids and will chat to them anytime, but this interaction was painfully awkward for all involved!

dc was singing loudly actually. I was teaching her you still are respectful in a public space.

Also I know that children like to sit by the front but if the bus is empty there’s no need to sit right by someone if the bus are more empty seats further back. It’s just respecting someone else’s space a little bit.

Her children were engaged, with each other & quietly. She was interjecting and making her child sit on her knee. IMO unnecessary

If loudness on public transport bothers you then don’t get on the bus at school finishing time. Teenagers are really loud 😬

She just sounds happy and engaged with her kids, sure some people are loud, I’m not sure why that’s performance parenting. In fact the performance parenting was seemingly from yourself who spent 10 minutes explaining to a 6year old to be quiet. How long does it take to shush them?

Some people speak a bit more loudly than is necessary, especially when talking to children. It's one of the downsides of public transport.

Nothing wrong with chatting with a child, however I have seen myself, times when the child has just been quietly getting on with whatever, and mum/ dad just has to loudly point something out, or start asking questions, or talking. Fine, just do it quietly. Better still, let the child be!

If you are talking about the front seat on the top deck you are really being very unreasonable. Everyone knows that's the best seat. Why wouldn't you share space. It's called public transport.

I'm not claiming to never have found a loud middle class parent irritating but what has happened here - presumably inadvertently - is that your daughter has been taught to take up as little space (including aural space) as possible in a public place and her sons have been taught they are allowed to take up space in a public place. All the kids will have witnessed this. Thus the world turns and who ends up ruling it?