Performance parenting rant!

[Iwantquietargh]

On the bus with 6yo child today - spent about 10 minutes explaining about being considerate to others on the bus as she was quite loud. To be fair the bus was empty up the top where we but that’s not the point.

anyway woman gets on with 2 boys between 7-9. Sat directly next to us with every other seat empty upstairs and starts being SO LOUD. changed names but all ‘Harry! Can I sit underneath you? Sit on my lap! Oh can we see this can we see that. Oh dear we forgot the library books! Are we excited for the museum?’

to add, the boys got on the bus and talked quietly between themselves. I know it’s common but my lord, SHUT UP 😂 Sorry I just needed to rant after 30 minutes of listening to that.

@Dancingdragonhiddentiger I was going to say that about the autism 😆 you should see the sheer effort it takes me to get my autistic child around the supermarket. And he struggles with auditory processing so I have to be louder than background noise and have to be repetitive

I'd have got up after 5 minutes and gone upstairs or at least moved as far away as possible.

I can’t get on board with judging a parent who is talking to her children on the bus. How odd to take offence. I don’t catch the bus often, and neither do my kids, and on the odd occasion we do catch the bus we are often a bit excited as it may be for a special trip. We possibly could inadvertently annoy someone but that would be their problem and not mine.

I was going to post just this. My DC are adults - is it a new thing?

It very obviously was. I don't know why people are ignoring this

What a weird thing to get upset about! You’d hate my family! DSD speaks 24/7 about things that people like you would call “performing” and loves museums, libraries, etc.

You’ll get loads of people on here saying it’s just communication with your kids etc but everyone can tell the difference between LOOK A PTERODACTYL CAN YOU SAY PTERODACTYL WOW YES CAN YOU SAY IT IN MANDARIN VERY GOOD ATTICUS NOW HERES YOUR ORGANIC FLAX SEED SMOOTHIE and ‘wow look a pterodactyl, that’s cool isn’t it! Do you want a little drink?’

The MN reading middle class Uber-mums coaching Tabitha and Ivor don’t bother me. It’s Tracey “I love my kids, I do…” parenting little Dwayne from 50 yards away at 100db thats gets a bit irritating.

Exactly

So basically what you are saying is that middle class people should shut the fuck up in public?

I have come across people like the (overdone) stereotype you paint here and yes they can be a bit cringe, but no worse than loud parents from other social demographics.

But why is it incumbent on people like this to self censor and not people who would be shouting at their kids to shut up, sit down and have another packet of crisps?

I really think if you unpick this most of it boils down to people feeling insecure about other people who they suspect may be parenting their children more actively. It makes you feel shit about yourself because you want to sit staring at your phone in silence. Instead of having a go at other people who actually do engage with their kids why can’t you learn from them?

I mean...I will definitely carry on talking to my daughter when I take her on the bus. Some of the most interesting things we see are on our bus rides. I enjoy our bus chats.

Sounds to me like SHE’S excited? To be with them, to be off work for Christmas, to be taking them off to the museum…

op really - chilllll.

OP, I can see how it must feel a bit annoying when you're trying to teach your child "this is how you should behave on public transport" and another parent appears and encourages the thing you're trying to guide your child away from, but that doesn't mean the other parent is doing something wrong, despite the fact you've taught your child that she would be in the wrong to behave that way.

It's like when parents have rules on limiting sweets or fizzy drinks and another child is allowed them - it's awkward and can feel like one parent's choice is a direct criticism of the other's, but ultimately, people just have different values, and that's a useful lesson for children to learn too.

I don’t understand why people expect children to behave like adults.

Children are loud, funny, creative and imaginative. It’s sad that as a society we sit and judge children and their parents for daring to have a loud conversation or have any form of fun.

You were on a bus, not in a library. The children I see who sit quietly like little mice scared to speak to their parents in public through fear of being told they are ‘naughty’ make me very sad.

Honestly what is the point in having children and knocking the spirit out of them from day 1? Life really is not that serious.

I agree

Sounds like a family joke. Like one of the children said "you're sitting underneath me!" and it's just caught on. There are things I say to my 3 year old that probably make me sound bonkers.

Not necessarily performance parenting.

Ridiculous parenting I agree.

If your children can sit and chat at a normal level on a bus you leave them be. You don't model loud disruptive speak - because - well you just don't

😁 I find that the performance parents tend to look around for approving smiles regularly

I totally get the point you're making OP.

Is like the Mother was soooooo excited and wanted her children to be the same.

Also, anyone here care to explain why they choose to sit right next to people, even though there are many empty seats ?

We all know performance parenting when we see it / hear it - and it is actually quite irritating. Rant away @Iwantquietargh

I find it amusing how people want to bring up ASD but fail to see the other side of it that people should be considerate of others who may have ASD with/or sensory issues and not make unnecessary volumes of noise in public spaces - yes, even your little darlings.

I also don’t know where class came into the conversation.

If it really was unreasonably loud, OP, then it would seem reasonable to ask them to stop shouting.

But if you have sensory issues and are overly sensitive to a normal level of noise on public transport, then it doesn't sound like they were necessary doing anything wrong - they can't know that someone is suffering as a result of their conversation (assuming they weren't shouting) unless someone tells them.

If someone is triggering my or DC's sensory issues in public, we tend to just move away from them (as I hate confrontation and would rather just move). We do tend to avoid the bus wherever possible as people are bloody annoying, but that's not their fault - it's just a fact of life.

I think it's a bit odd to expect everyone to stay silent on the bus just in case another passenger is extremely oversensitive to noise - it's part and parcel of travelling on public transport, and I guess that's why there is help for people who literally can't travel on public transport without experiencing distress.

I was on a bus with my four year old son one day and I was flicking through a magazine while he looked out of the window. As I reached a full page advert for tampax, the one with the knotted string, he turned to say something, but instead looked at the advert and said "you've got those haven't you mummy, you stick them up your bum". Now that is an embarrassing conversation, I'd much sooner have discussed museum's and where to sit.

Also I know that children like to sit by the front but if the bus is empty there’s no need to sit right by someone if the bus are more empty seats further back. It’s just respecting someone else’s space a little bit.

This made me laugh out loud! I suggest maybe you either drive then or get a taxi.

How entitled must you feel if you feel that people shouldn't sit where they want on the bus 🤣. Her kids probably wanted to sit at the front up the top just like yours...

Also, she was just chatting to her children. Try it sometime then yours might not be so loud? Maybe she was trying to gain your attention...