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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Performance parenting rant!

139 replies

Iwantquietargh · 22/12/2022 10:19

On the bus with 6yo child today - spent about 10 minutes explaining about being considerate to others on the bus as she was quite loud. To be fair the bus was empty up the top where we but that’s not the point.

anyway woman gets on with 2 boys between 7-9. Sat directly next to us with every other seat empty upstairs and starts being SO LOUD. changed names but all ‘Harry! Can I sit underneath you? Sit on my lap! Oh can we see this can we see that. Oh dear we forgot the library books! Are we excited for the museum?’

to add, the boys got on the bus and talked quietly between themselves. I know it’s common but my lord, SHUT UP 😂 Sorry I just needed to rant after 30 minutes of listening to that.

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 22/12/2022 11:06

Are you actually complaining that the children sat on the top deck front seat? The seats that pretty much every child will pick because they can pretend to drive?

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 22/12/2022 11:07

Iwantquietargh · 22/12/2022 10:58

dc was singing loudly actually. I was teaching her you still are respectful in a public space.

Also I know that children like to sit by the front but if the bus is empty there’s no need to sit right by someone if the bus are more empty seats further back. It’s just respecting someone else’s space a little bit.

Her children were engaged, with each other & quietly. She was interjecting and making her child sit on her knee. IMO unnecessary

So you get to decide what is and is not necessary in regards to how another woman interacts with her children?

BahHumbug2022 · 22/12/2022 11:08

There is a mum that walks around my local supermarket talking loudly to her child and then starts singing a song about olives or garlic bread in her best posh singing voice. After introducing said song ; “shall we sing the green olives sing Daisy?” I would absolutely bet she’s on MN too (although she’d say it was for advice and not she can pile in on the women who’s friend is having an affair).
Contrast to most parents who are just chatting normally about what they feel like eating this week and reminding them to not run off.

Its a free country but the level of consideration for others in earshot is shocking. Same with listening to sweary teens buying endless cake. Just all so attention seeking.

MiddleParking · 22/12/2022 11:12

Meh. Sounds like she made you feel inferior as a parent because at that particular point in time your parenting was inferior to hers. That’s really your thing to deal with.

Iamnotausername · 22/12/2022 11:13

Meh. Mine have always loved museums and the like. Of course I'm going to talk to them about it if we're going somewhere they'll like.

If a stranger thinks I'm performance parenting, then whatever. I'm not going to stop interacting with my children in case someone thinks I'm showing off.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 22/12/2022 11:15

I love this threads with all the performance parents feigning innocence and claiming it's just "engaging." Thanks OP!

Iamnotausername · 22/12/2022 11:18

Ah, you're also upset that they took the seat that children on buses ALWAYS choose! If it bothers you that much, make sure you take or sit somewhere away from it.

mynameiscalypso · 22/12/2022 11:20

I constantly and annoyingly chat to my child on public transport to distract him from vomiting. I think it's the lesser of two evils frankly!

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 22/12/2022 11:24

Mardyface · 22/12/2022 11:06

If you are talking about the front seat on the top deck you are really being very unreasonable. Everyone knows that's the best seat. Why wouldn't you share space. It's called public transport.

I'm not claiming to never have found a loud middle class parent irritating but what has happened here - presumably inadvertently - is that your daughter has been taught to take up as little space (including aural space) as possible in a public place and her sons have been taught they are allowed to take up space in a public place. All the kids will have witnessed this. Thus the world turns and who ends up ruling it?

Perfect summary.

WandaWonder · 22/12/2022 11:25

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 22/12/2022 11:15

I love this threads with all the performance parents feigning innocence and claiming it's just "engaging." Thanks OP!

I love how things can't just be there has to be some conspiracy over every aspect of what other do as parents that has to somehow have to reflect on others it can't just happen there has to be some inner turmoil of 'it's all about me, they are doing it to judge me'

Plumbear2 · 22/12/2022 11:26

You spent 10 minutes explaining being considerate. That to me screams performance parenting. What the other mother did was talking to her children about their day.

35965a · 22/12/2022 11:29

Some people are just loud. Making them say numbers in Latin loudly - performance parenting. Talking about going to the museum loudly - not so much.

FancyFanny · 22/12/2022 11:29

"Can I sit underneath you?" Eh?
I've never heard anyone say that before, such a strange thing to say!

Dancingdragonhiddentiger · 22/12/2022 11:32

I have an autistic child so this could have been me. I doubt the mum cares that much about your minor irritation, she’s probably got real things to worry about.

johnd2 · 22/12/2022 11:32

genuine thanks @Mardyface for the anti-sexist posts, we really need more people pointing out the damage we are doing to children by inadvertently judging girls more harshly for taking up space

DuplicateUserName · 22/12/2022 11:33

I love reading about performance parenting, but that's not an example of it OP 🧐

Dancingdragonhiddentiger · 22/12/2022 11:35

Iamnotausername · 22/12/2022 11:13

Meh. Mine have always loved museums and the like. Of course I'm going to talk to them about it if we're going somewhere they'll like.

If a stranger thinks I'm performance parenting, then whatever. I'm not going to stop interacting with my children in case someone thinks I'm showing off.

Yeah seems weirdly more performative to stop talking with your child because some else might overhear you and judge (for reasons that escape me) than to just continue as normal.

YellowTreeHouse · 22/12/2022 11:35

YABU. She wasn’t “performance parenting”, she was engaging with her children because she loves them and that’s what parents are supposed to do.

You should try it sometime rather than trying to keep your kids silent.

Toottooot · 22/12/2022 11:37

I hope she doesn’t take them to Tesco and plays animal noises with them.

RedRobyn2021 · 22/12/2022 11:39

I don't understand this post?

ToWhitToWhoo · 22/12/2022 11:42

It's inconsiderate and annoying to be loud on public transport. But that doesn't mean it's 'performance parenting'. I find it annoying when people are unnecessarily noisy, but I also find it annoying when people assume that any behaviour that they don't like is done with the intention of showing off. Most inconsiderate behaviour is caused by insufficient awareness of others, rather than a desire to attract others' attention.

Iamnotausername · 22/12/2022 11:48

arbitraryarsehole · 22/12/2022 10:53

I was sitting in the gp waiting room once when a dad walked his small child around and made him stop in front of everyone and perform (mainly animal impressions). I work with kids and will chat to them anytime, but this interaction was painfully awkward for all involved!

🤣🤣🤣 That's hilarious!

Maybe he was trying to keep the kid entertained /distracted / calm and the alternative was them screaming and crying but still, I'm not quite sure that was right way of dealing with it.

Original poster
Iwantquietargh · 22/12/2022 11:51

FancyFanny · 22/12/2022 11:29

"Can I sit underneath you?" Eh?
I've never heard anyone say that before, such a strange thing to say!

Yes very weird. But her exact words

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwantquietargh · 22/12/2022 11:52

For anyone who thinks it’s not performance parenting, who on earth disturbs 2 well behaved children quietly chatting on public transport to get them riled up by asking annoying questions/making them move

OP posts:
Lulualoo · 22/12/2022 11:56

Op I am in agreement that this doesn’t sound like performance parenting. It sounds like a mother wanting to connect with her kids.

Why did it really annoy you? Because people are loud in public all the time.

I also think giving your daughter a talk about being respectful in public because she was singing was a bit much?! Kids are kids. If a kid sings on a bus it’s fine by me. Who are you trying to please?