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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No presents from DH or child?

111 replies

Albanyriver · 21/12/2022 19:40

Am I unreasonable to be really upset that my DH has not bought me anything from himself or our pre-school aged child, for me for Christmas?

I know he doesn’t have any grand surprise planned, it’s not his style.

His reason is “I buy you stuff during the year when I see it”…..such as the odd pair of £20-30 earrings, flowers when they are reduced in the supermarket! We aren’t so hard up that he can’t afford to spend money on me at Christmas. He can afford to spend money on smoking and had over £600 in back pay in Nov’s wage….it isn’t he can’t afford to buy me anything.

The only present I have to unwrap on Christmas Day is a piece of jewellery I bought myself in the summer sales from my little boy! We have a very small family who we won’t be seeing until New Year anyway.

OP posts:
Nsky62 · 21/12/2022 19:42

Did you not hint?
disappointing yes

Dishwashersaurous · 21/12/2022 19:43

Well obviously a preschooler isn't going to be getting presents for anyone.

But what did you agree about presents this year, and what do you do normally and in previous years?

MagicMatilda · 21/12/2022 19:43

I hope you aren’t giving him anything!! That is really cruel of him, surely he can get one small thoughtful gift.

Catterpillarwithconverse · 21/12/2022 19:44

Please tell him that you will be disappointed and hurt if he doesn't get you a present. There's still time for him to get you something but only if you tell him. Don't be a martyr.

Swissnotswiss · 21/12/2022 19:48

I'm in the same situation OP. I'm actually really pissed off. I don't do hints as it's never worked in the past so I gave DH a choice of 3 gifts and said I just want one gift, wrapped under the tree to open that I haven't bought. He asked me which I'd prefer tonight as he hasn't bought anything. It's actually too late to order now. He hasn't bought anything for the kids and he makes me feel that I am being materialistic for wanting one thing.

BigFatLiar · 21/12/2022 19:48

Yep, just tell him you expect something from him and from the lo.

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 21/12/2022 19:48

YANBU that's shit of him. You shouldn't have to hunt he obviously knows you well enough to know you want something to unwrap on Christmas day. It's also nice for kids to pick something out for their parents and watch them open it on Christmas day.

Hbh17 · 21/12/2022 19:50

How do you know? It's not Christmas yet!

Dragonskin · 21/12/2022 19:54

I would hold his present until you know, and if nothing is forthcoming I would return it

PopGoesTheProsecco · 21/12/2022 19:59

I know it’s disappointing but maybe stop setting expectations. My OH is amazing but I’ve not had a Christmas present from him in 8 years. The only present I’ll get this year is from my ten year old who saved up her pocket money to buy me some chocolate (she told me) 😂

NerrSnerr · 21/12/2022 20:03

Nsky62 · 21/12/2022 19:42

Did you not hint?
disappointing yes

Should you have to hint to get a Christmas present from a spouse?

NerrSnerr · 21/12/2022 20:04

PopGoesTheProsecco · 21/12/2022 19:59

I know it’s disappointing but maybe stop setting expectations. My OH is amazing but I’ve not had a Christmas present from him in 8 years. The only present I’ll get this year is from my ten year old who saved up her pocket money to buy me some chocolate (she told me) 😂

That's a bloody low bar to set.

I couldn't be married to someone who would happily watch the rest of the family open gifts but not my spouse, the person who is supposed to be the one you love. Makes no sense.

NoelNoNoel · 21/12/2022 20:11

Either tell him
you expect a present or don’t give him anything.

curlymacv · 21/12/2022 20:15

The bar is so low for men and they can't even reach it, it's incredible

Craftybodger · 21/12/2022 20:16

Nothing from him or sorted by him from your child means nothing for him either. What a tightwad.

caringcarer · 21/12/2022 20:17

I hope you don't get him loads of gifts OP? Don't give him any so he knows what it feels like to get nothing. Not even from your DC.

Unicorn717 · 21/12/2022 20:18

Me and partner normally agree nothing big for Christmas but if you expect it and he hasn't bothered I wouldn't get anything for him either.

I only ever want a drawing or something made from the kids and then anything extra is a bonus (I do get presents off partner but just don't expect much lol).

harriethoyle · 21/12/2022 20:20

PopGoesTheProsecco · 21/12/2022 19:59

I know it’s disappointing but maybe stop setting expectations. My OH is amazing but I’ve not had a Christmas present from him in 8 years. The only present I’ll get this year is from my ten year old who saved up her pocket money to buy me some chocolate (she told me) 😂

Jesus Christ. How utterly depressing. Why do you value yourself so little?

Workawayxx · 21/12/2022 20:21

I'd say "good idea, let's focus on DC" and as we aren't doing presents for adults this year, you won't give him anything either. Save his presents for his birthday. See what he says? He still has time to pull it back before Christmas day! No way would I be showering him with presents if he wasn't arsed to do anything at all in return though.

PopGoesTheProsecco · 21/12/2022 20:27

NerrSnerr · 21/12/2022 20:04

That's a bloody low bar to set.

I couldn't be married to someone who would happily watch the rest of the family open gifts but not my spouse, the person who is supposed to be the one you love. Makes no sense.

Show quote history

To be fair he buys me flowers every fortnight and is the most amazing person in terms of household chores (did them all when I had Long Covid for two years), he’s still doing packed lunches for my children (not his children) every day and does all the ironing. He’s just not that into Christmas. O

uhtredsonofuhtred1 · 21/12/2022 20:28

My selfish ex was exactly the same. Was happy enough to open presents and cards for his birthday or Christmas or Father's Day but almost never got me a single thing.

After another Mother's Day without even a card (except the cute nursery handmade one) I didn't get him anything for Father's Day. He was gutted. I just said "well I didn't think we celebrated anything like that, seeing as I didn't receive anything either".

gamerchick · 21/12/2022 20:30

You're returning the favour though... Right?

Livingforcrispsndips · 21/12/2022 20:30

We haven’t really got each other anything for Christmas since Dd was born, I prefer to spend the money on Dd and am more excited about watching her open her gifts. Admittedly if there was lots of money floating around, we’d think more about treating each other

jamsandwich1 · 21/12/2022 20:30

My DH and I agreed not to give each other presents this year. We wouldn’t buy them ‘from the children’ either but that has been agreed between us so I don’t feel upset at all. It sounds like your situation is much different though and I think in your shoes I would be disappointed and upset too. YANBU.

OnlyFannys · 21/12/2022 20:32

That's very shitty OP, he is putting absolutely no thought or effort into you. Even if you just agreed to do jokey presents the point is that they are taking the time to think about you.