Page 3 | No presents from DH or child?

Albanyriver · 2022-12-21T19:40:34+00:00

Am I unreasonable to be really upset that my DH has not bought me anything from himself or our pre-school aged child, for me for Christmas? I know he doesn’t have any grand surprise planned, it’s not his style. His reason is “I buy you stuff during the year when I see it”…..such as the odd pair of £20-30 earrings, flowers when they are reduced in the supermarket! We aren’t so hard up that he can’t afford to spend money on me at Christmas. He can afford to spend money on smoking and had over £600 in back pay in Nov’s wage….it isn’t he can’t afford to buy me anything. The only present I have to unwrap on Christmas Day is a piece of jewellery I bought myself in the summer sales from my little boy! We have a very small family who we won’t be seeing until New Year anyway.

BethJ62 · 21/12/2022 21:16

Changechangychange · 21/12/2022 21:10

My DH is the same. I honestly don’t care whether I get anything from him or not, but I do care that he won’t take DS shopping to get something for me.

I took DS shopping to get presents for him, and his extended family (and mine, obviously). DS asked why I didn’t have anything. I said because Daddy needs to take you. DH has just refused point blank - he is off work all week so has plenty of time. My DM has offered to take DS to buy me a birthday present because she knows he won’t bother to take him for that either. I never get anything for Mother’s Day, except for things DS makes in nursery. Honestly I feel like I might as well be divorced at this point.

Why on earth are you buying presents for his family ? Surely that’s up to him and if he doesn’t do it , tough !
I have a friend you runs herself ragged organising Christmas/ birthday presents for her DSC , DSGC , in-laws etc as well as her own side while her lazy arse of a husband does nothing as , apparently, he doesn’t know what to buy . Ridiculous.

serenghetti2011 · 21/12/2022 21:19

Such a shame, don’t give him anything even if you’ve bought it. Even my ex gives me a gift from our kids and I do the same!

Stopthebusplease · 21/12/2022 21:26

Why is it that men get away with nasty, snide little comments to their wife or partner about how she has 'let herself go', when perhaps she has put on a little weight while carrying 'their' child, or because she doesn't have time to put on a bit of slap, due to being too busy running round after everyone else, yet, so many women seem to accept that 'he' only 'made the effort', until he got them moved in, and now is too flaming idol to piss downhill, let alone go out and buy her a nice gift on a special occasion? Makes my blood boil for all you women out there, who put on a brave face and make excuses for these lazy twats! Sorry, rant over!

HelsyQ · 21/12/2022 21:26

Catterpillarwithconverse · 21/12/2022 19:44

Please tell him that you will be disappointed and hurt if he doesn't get you a present. There's still time for him to get you something but only if you tell him. Don't be a martyr.

jesus, how is she a martyr?
what is wrong with you

HelsyQ · 21/12/2022 21:27

Dishwashersaurous · 21/12/2022 19:43

Well obviously a preschooler isn't going to be getting presents for anyone.

But what did you agree about presents this year, and what do you do normally and in previous years?

What’s a pointless thing to say 🫤

Changechangychange · 21/12/2022 21:29

BethJ62 · 21/12/2022 21:16

Why on earth are you buying presents for his family ? Surely that’s up to him and if he doesn’t do it , tough !
I have a friend you runs herself ragged organising Christmas/ birthday presents for her DSC , DSGC , in-laws etc as well as her own side while her lazy arse of a husband does nothing as , apparently, he doesn’t know what to buy . Ridiculous.

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I’m buying things from DS to his extended family, not from me - DS wants to buy for his cousins, his grandpa, etc. He is a very generous and caring little boy, and likes to choose things that he thinks people will like.

He also wants to buy for me, and I am upset to think that he will be upset on Christmas Day when I don’t have anything. He has already offered to share his presents from Santa with me.

Enbite · 21/12/2022 21:31

I feel like so many people have such low standards. If a partner ever tried this with me I’d have made sure they knew my feelings about it loud and clear and that it better not happen again 🤷‍♀️

Wickedgreengirl · 21/12/2022 21:34

My husband is terrible at buying and choosing presents. He’s a lovely man and is a great dad but either leaves it too late and rushes or just can’t decide and chooses something crap. I’ve delegated family presents to him twice and both times he bought shit presents. The last couple of years I’ve just bought all of my birthday and Christmas presents on the joint account and he wraps them. He has the pressure taken off and I get nice things that I want and will actually wear/use. I used to get so upset by the well meant but crappy presents but now it’s all good 🤣

Britinme · 21/12/2022 21:35

I have to tell my husband what I would like. I know him well enough to know that it's useless to expect him to think of something. However, he is very unmaterialistic himself, and honestly I think would not be bothered if I didn't get him anything (but I always do...)

CarrotCake84 · 21/12/2022 21:36

In 16 years I’ve never had a Christmas present from my husband. He gets me chocolates on Valentines Day, that’s it.

Dragonskin · 21/12/2022 21:36

Changechangychange · 21/12/2022 21:10

My DH is the same. I honestly don’t care whether I get anything from him or not, but I do care that he won’t take DS shopping to get something for me.

I took DS shopping to get presents for him, and his extended family (and mine, obviously). DS asked why I didn’t have anything. I said because Daddy needs to take you. DH has just refused point blank - he is off work all week so has plenty of time. My DM has offered to take DS to buy me a birthday present because she knows he won’t bother to take him for that either. I never get anything for Mother’s Day, except for things DS makes in nursery. Honestly I feel like I might as well be divorced at this point.

Bloody hell, why are you taking your child to get presents for your crappy husbands extended family, when he can't even be bothered to take them to get you something?? Drop the wife work. If his family want presents your DH needs to sort it

Changechangychange · 21/12/2022 21:39

Dragonskin · 21/12/2022 21:36

Bloody hell, why are you taking your child to get presents for your crappy husbands extended family, when he can't even be bothered to take them to get you something?? Drop the wife work. If his family want presents your DH needs to sort it

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As I said upthread, the presents are from DS to his extended family, because he wants to buy things for them, and I want to encourage generosity and thoughtfulness in my six year old.

DH can indeed sort his own presents out (and has), but DS is old enough now that he wants to be involved in choosing gifts for people.

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/12/2022 21:41

CarrotCake84 · 21/12/2022 21:36

In 16 years I’ve never had a Christmas present from my husband. He gets me chocolates on Valentines Day, that’s it.

Does that work for you?

CarrotCake84 · 21/12/2022 21:45

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/12/2022 21:41

Does that work for you?

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In my honest opinion, no, it shows a lack of thought but he’s never organised enough to get me anything. Even if he transferred me £50 to buy something I wanted, it would show he thought of me.

Dragonskin · 21/12/2022 21:51

As I said upthread, the presents are from DS to his extended family, because he wants to buy things for them, and I want to encourage generosity and thoughtfulness in my six year old.

I completely get that, but I would be expecting my husband to do that when it comes to his side of the family. He is equally your DS parent and they are his family

Dragonskin · 21/12/2022 21:52

And it might prompt him to be a selfish arsehole to you too

Dragonskin · 21/12/2022 21:52

*not to be 🤦‍♀️

WonderingWanda · 21/12/2022 21:56

Do you normally buy gifts for one another? If yes why has it changed this year. Is he having money troubles? I can't imagine getting to the married with children stage with someone who couldn't even be bothered to wrap me up a box of chocolates or something for Christmas.

beatsin8s · 21/12/2022 22:07

Does he expect presents? My DP always gets presents for me even when I say not to get each other anything (NOT a brag btw). Christmas is about the kids for me and I don't want/expect anything. It's extra stress I don't need when I struggle to get the kids sorted, does he maybe think like that? I would tell him it is important to you though. DP told me not to get him anything but I know he's got me some things (DC told me) so now I'm going to need to try get something last minute! It's not because I don't care, I just concentrate on DC. I do make a fuss at birthday's though.

I only think it's a problem if you tell him it's important to you and he still doesn't bother.

ACynicalDad · 21/12/2022 22:15

I heard someone say they borrow their partners phone and search things they like so the partner got a load of adverts. Might be worth a try next year.

gamerchick · 21/12/2022 22:24

ACynicalDad · 21/12/2022 22:15

I heard someone say they borrow their partners phone and search things they like so the partner got a load of adverts. Might be worth a try next year.

No need. Just tell the phone and Facebook does it for you

treesandweeds · 21/12/2022 22:44

PopGoesTheProsecco · 21/12/2022 19:59

I know it’s disappointing but maybe stop setting expectations. My OH is amazing but I’ve not had a Christmas present from him in 8 years. The only present I’ll get this year is from my ten year old who saved up her pocket money to buy me some chocolate (she told me) 😂

This isn't an amazing dh!

Changechangychange · 21/12/2022 22:56

Dragonskin · 21/12/2022 21:51

As I said upthread, the presents are from DS to his extended family, because he wants to buy things for them, and I want to encourage generosity and thoughtfulness in my six year old.

I completely get that, but I would be expecting my husband to do that when it comes to his side of the family. He is equally your DS parent and they are his family

I did expect him to do that in the past, and he didn’t bother, and DS was upset not to have anything to give to people.

And honestly it is nice seeing DS choosing things with such care and excitement (not necessarily much judgement, he got his nursery teacher a car in the shape of a shark two years ago, but he loved it so assumed she would too).

Original poster

Albanyriver · 21/12/2022 23:23

NoelNoNoel · 21/12/2022 21:12

OP does he buy for his family?

Not at all, I forced him to browse the JJMB sale to buy gifts for the next year for his nephew, and his parents live far enough abroad we don’t see them even annually but if he were to do gifts, the best they’d get is something from moonpig as he doesn’t even post cards! Just eventually sends a moonpig card after 2 weeks of saying he needs to send one…nightly!

I’m not treated any worse than anyone else, he is just lazy and thoughtless (except for housework!)

OP posts:

Iwantamarshmallowman · 21/12/2022 23:33

He has 3 shopping days left op. Tell him he needs to go and buy something or is there any way you can get a family member to help you out. I finally asked my mum to go buy me somthing from the kids after years of never getting a present this did the trick seemed to snap him out of it.