Aibu to think Mumsnet is full of people just wanting an argument?

[gloss234]

As the title says really.

Some commenters can offer advice, support or submit their differing opinions and move on.

But more over there seems to be a lot of people hell bent on destroying the original posters. It doesn't seem to be a constructive environment for discussions to take place.

I have seen alot of posts today where OP has posted something, some people have given opinions and others have focused on one minor detailed and been passive aggressive about everything and just not picked there way to an argument with OP and when OP has relented Mumsnet have closed the thread.

Yet do not seem to stop these relentless mums betters who are clearly just commenting for an argument rather than giving their opinion.

Women and minority groups are far more likely to be harassed when posting under real names. Far more likely to experience being reported to their workplaces and last time I tried to look at this women were more likely to be in the type of jobs with really officious social media policies - the type which go well beyond "don't discuss the firm" and into "don't use social media". We are also more likely to be complained about than men making the same point or perceived as aggressive for comments men make with impunity. This goes multiple for black women.

There is a common reaction, often from men but also from higher profile women with more means to protect their position which says "if you can't stand the heat then get out of the kitchen". However that ignores the fact that the kitchen in this case and many others is designed for and around the behaviours and status of men.

Being able to post from a public name which is a pseudonym is a reasonable adjustment in this situation which enables participation from groups who would otherwise feel unable to comment. I've also used some groups where real name is required to register but you can use a pseudonym visibly - that of course requires you to trust the group owners/mods to be rock solid with data security and be willing to say "no" to unreasonable demands for data.

I'm really not a fan of the name changing on here - I've too often seen serial dog whistlers name change frequently or serial liars and fantasists do the same. A reasonable adjustment might be that you have to keep the same name within a topic or make a mod request to change it for a specific reason. Perhaps names show duration on the forum for the user rather than the name. Automatic detection of socks would also be nice.

I agree with you there but not everything is quite as black and white as that. Perhaps a month ago they were getting along and now they aren't, who are we to judge? Life is full of ups and downs and if you think someone is being untruthful and inconsistent on a thread it doesn't necessarily need to be pointed out. Everyone had the option not to read any further and decide the thread is not for them or given a reasoned or questioning response without being rude or obtuse. It doesn't have to be one or the other I don't think

@HelsyQ this is exactly the person that I find unnevering. That type of behaviour goes way past giving an opinion or calling someone out. That's obsessive behaviour and in real life would be harassment

If you wouldn't say something to someone's face don't say it online, I think that's a good rule to go by.
I don't agree - that's missing the point of here in my opinion. In any case, people act differently all the time depending on circumstances - people make obscene gestures at me from their car at times - it's really unpleasant and unnecessary, but if I let it upset me they have won.

Horses for courses.

It's to learn how to dust your skirting boards and how to clean the loo using just your hand, because anything else is "grim".

I've been here 20 years and it was never lovely, but it was funny (in those days, we didn't have to put "lighthearted" to flag up something being funny). It was also quite often surreal, which it rarely is now.

😂Brilliant.

I don't agree with that. Just because someone does something doesn't make it right and just because others get in with it doesn't mean we should.

If nothing changes nothing changes as they say. We're responsible for making this social world online better for the next generation and so on.

Again I go back to the whole not everything that you think should be said but of course not everyone will agree.

I saw you being very mean on a post today!

Tbh I actually just feel quite sorry for her. I genuinely think the women that argue so ferociously on these threads are just miserable with their lives - I can’t decide if I feel sad for them or they’re just pathetic.

Hi,

I'm not sure which thread you mean, but from the sounds of it it sounds like my post, if it was written how you claim, sounds like I was defending the OP so I'm not really sure what point you were attempting to make here

But you were defending the OP against nothing. It went like this:

OP: This situation has happened, so I behaved in this way.
Poster 1: Oh that sounds bad, I’m not surprised you did what you did.
Poster 2: You might have over reacted but I completely understand.
You: OMG, why is everyone giving the OP such a hard time? What a bunch of bitches you all are.

The point I’m making is that you frequently come onto threads and create a situation where there isn’t one.

Unless you're going to claim the post is now deleted, please link to any post where I called another user (or multiple users) a 'bitch' or 'bitches'. Because I would be completely surprised and worried whether I had been hacked if I saw such words under my own username.

I'm also wondering if you got slightly confused, as in my last thread, there were several posters calling me a bitch, but I have (to my own knowledge) not responded anything remotely in kind to anybody... I'm sure if this happened though you will be able to link to or screenshot a picture of the post?

That's a provocative question in itself

Post something uncontroversial and supportive and there a small chance someone will agree with you, and an even slimmer chance the OP will acknowledge/thank you. Post something controversial and you can guarantee a whole bunch of notifications you've been quoted, acknowledged, responded to. People who are habitually mean or post outrageous opinions just want people to engage with them imo.

Thanks for everyone's replies it's definitely an interesting topic but as many of you have pointed out perhaps no different to the real life Sharon that sits in the corner of the office moaning about everyone and everything but for the most part people can keep their comments to themselves.

Maybe it's because they feel so alone in real life?

Sounds like a lot of stalking, deer.

Perhaps you didn’t use the word ‘bitch’ but the rest was about the same. You were being provocative about nothing. I’m not going to link to the thread because it was a while ago and I’m not trawling through every single damn post.

I didn't used to think so but just had really weird replies on a totally innocuous post that couldn't even be misconstrued. I'm genuinely surprised

Sounds like you’ve made a false accusation.

@Keyansier ignore it x

The accusation of the word ‘bitch’ might have been false, the rest of it is true.

Yeah lately I find some of the comments really out of order

And don't forget the 'Trolls'.... The Trolls The Trolls Esmerelda...

You are both wrong.