Aibu to think Mumsnet is full of people just wanting an argument?

[gloss234]

As the title says really.

Some commenters can offer advice, support or submit their differing opinions and move on.

But more over there seems to be a lot of people hell bent on destroying the original posters. It doesn't seem to be a constructive environment for discussions to take place.

I have seen alot of posts today where OP has posted something, some people have given opinions and others have focused on one minor detailed and been passive aggressive about everything and just not picked there way to an argument with OP and when OP has relented Mumsnet have closed the thread.

Yet do not seem to stop these relentless mums betters who are clearly just commenting for an argument rather than giving their opinion.

Oh no they don't!!!!

It's absolutely crazy on a public forum to fear attack though isn't it?

It is pretty crazy to feel fear at the thought of someone disagreeing with you from behind some keyboard who knows where, yes. Because that's what the vast majority of what you're talking about is, isn't it? Disagreement (admittedly sometimes pretty robust disagreement, and sometimes rude). Not attacks.

There are definitely some argumentative and mean-spirited posts and posters, but I wouldn't say they are in the majority. There are also quite a few massively over-sensitive OPs who ask for opinions and then accuse everyone who doesn't agree with them of being nasty.

^This. In the 10+ years I've been coming here there is a thread most weeks about how it's all suddenly got so nasty.
I was a bit taken aback the time another poster called me a cunt after I expressed an honest opinion (and I didn't think I was even being rude), but it is certainly interesting to get a range of views.
There are a few views that will get you persecuted on here - anything in favour of Brexit is one example but it's only words on a screen in the end.
I think on the whole MN does a good job of not over-Policing the place.

🤣🤣🤣 I was thinking the panto thing as well .
The " why are people so nasty or argumentative on MN ?" Thread usually appears every few weeks and usually plays out the same way and ends in an argument .

No it doesn't...

I don't do this, so not sure what you mean by irony?

Oh yes it does , it's already started 🤣 Oh how I love a good pantomime.

😂

I think it's pretty well accepted that if you post in AIBU all bets are off. AIBU Is for entertainment in a similar way to the Jeremy Kyle show. If you want help & support and genuine answers post elsewhere and you will find what you need.

I haven't read your post OP, just the title, but anyway I completely disagree with you. What planet are you from? You need a reality check

You starting, or what?

FFS

Maybe MN should start a 'want a fight' section.

Or is that the Royal Family one

You can report personal attacks and if MNHQ agree they delete.

Aye - or "give me one benefit to Brexit" - that gets posted every few weeks.
Better still a shoes on/shoes off or toilet brush section.

I think the world is full of people looking for an argument 😔

There are certainly a lot of them on Mumsnet and it is uncomfortable to watch, particularly when an OP asks for support and then she gets treated like a hostile witness in a murder trial being examined by crazed detectives.

I guess it’s powerless people wanting to feel power? 🤷‍♀️

Yes I agree with this. If you really feel "attacked" by someone disagreeing with you then possibly its not the right place or time to make the post. Plenty of the topics are pretty non contentious and more likely to have the knowledge to answer an actual problem if anyone wants to avoid AIBU.

But posting in AIBU and then having a hissy fit because most posters respond YABU is just an exercise in futility. Disagreeing is not attacking.

To be fair, it’s usually you being the contrarian, so if you dish it out you have to be prepared to take it too.

You had your arse handed to you on that thread because you deserved it, and focussing only on responding to points of minor detail instead of answering the really obvious questions people were asking was a silly move.

They have. It's called AIBU.

There are hundreds of specific talk topics on MNs. To me AIBU is the 'bear pit' bit of MN where it's feisty.
My favourite :)

An awful lot of posters just want to look ‘clever’ by forensically examining the OP for minor inconsistencies which are irrelevant to the main point or clearly just clumsily worded.

They then extrapolate what is said to ridiculous limits before criticising them for it. It’s insane!

Also the posters who read into what you wrote like Mystic fucking Meg, when what you meant is just what was written in plain English. I remember saying DH picked up a lot of housework slack when I was on mat leave as I saw to the baby. One poster fixated on this ‘pick up the slack you say? Ooooh that’s very telling, clearly he’s a sexist lazy git normally’ etc.

There are also topics on here you absolutely cannot discuss as people are so sensitive - ASD and benefits spring to mind. It’s always ‘REPORTED.’

Is that a quick argument, or have you paid for the full half hour?

I had a thread like that once - I just stopped posting on it and hid the thread because it was clear I wasn't going to be able to get any sense from the braying mob who had decided they had me bang to rights.

But this happens in RL too - I've been on the "wrong side" of a debate at work or in the family. Sometimes I was in the wrong, sometimes I was right and sometimes it wasn't clear. Just because people don't agree or arguing with you doesn't automatically make them nasty - some are, some aren't.

AIBU is a place to argue, that feels like literally the point of it, and some posters do clearly get a thrill out of kicking others.

However Relationships is a very supportive place to post and it would be fascinating if there were some way to quantify how many women's lives have been significantly improved by posting or even just reading that board. I'd put it in the many thousands.

FWR is another place full of wisdom and a strong desire to help women. Some posters there have clearly lost their patience with fuckwits, but that's understandable.

The various politics threads I've followed in the last few years are also fantastic resources and full of measured and respectful discussion and debate. There was even an academic analysis of the trump threads which concluded exactly that.

Pregnancy, infant feeding were both informative and supportive, and the infertility boards a huge source of sisterhood.

I visit Black Mumsnetters occasionally too because I enjoy being immersed in the sharing of opinions and cultural touchpoints which have such different life experience behind them from my own (being white)

Style and Beauty is also informative and supportive. The amount of time some women are willing to put into helping style strangers is inspiring.

Chat I'm not that familiar with but it seems fairly lighthearted and fun when I've visited.

My summary is that Mumsnet is a very varied collection of boards and it's meaningless to try and characterise it as one thing.

If you don't like the robust challenges on AIBU then find another board which suits your temperament better.

And people trawl through your previous posts to ‘catch you out’ like this poster

I agree BacktoSlack - it's very much dependent on the board you post to.

Regular posters get to know which boards have which vibes - there are ways people treat each other on AIBU that would not fly at all on, say, the SEN or relationships board. And people tend to post and comment accordingly too.

I fully expect to have my every word forensically dissected and to undergo a hostile cross-examination (and to have people interpret what I've written to mean something completely different that I never even thought of) if I post a question on AIBU, whereas I know there will be a more supportive and collaborative vibe on some other boards.