Page 4 | Aibu to think Mumsnet is full of people just wanting an argument?

Original poster

gloss234 · 21/12/2022 15:46

@Zebedee55 I also subscribe to the theory that it's a bit sad and these posters must have very dull lives to be getting their dopamine kicks this way.

OP posts:

Original poster

gloss234 · 21/12/2022 15:49

csos · 21/12/2022 15:46

I have noticed it. I guess an anonymous forum is the best place to take out real life frustrations on a stranger without facing any repercussions.

Yes! Although I think it's getting easier and easier to actually find these people in real life thanks to the technology advances. I saw an instagram the other day dedicated to finding the anonymous posters on tattle and they were successful in lots of cases. People think they are invincible on the internet but everyone leaves a blueprint which can be traceable if you know how and I think as time goes on it will be common knowledge. I hope it is because I believe this will stop lots of the problems of social media

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WatchoRulo · 21/12/2022 15:51

Oher · 21/12/2022 14:54

I think the world is full of people looking for an argument 😔

There are certainly a lot of them on Mumsnet and it is uncomfortable to watch, particularly when an OP asks for support and then she gets treated like a hostile witness in a murder trial being examined by crazed detectives.

I guess it’s powerless people wanting to feel power? 🤷‍♀️

Perhaps it's the fact I'm not Neuro-Typical (I have been criticised for being too direct and literal) but I can't see the logic to posting in a topic called "Am I Being Unreasonable?" and then complaining when (some) people say you are.

As others have said, things away from AIBU tend to be more gentle on the whole.

Expecting support on AIBU is probably pushing things a little - although it does happen.

Also, there is a lot of Self-Policing - for every "I put it to you that your DH has simply spun a tissue of lies in fact" there is a poster who will call anyone being a pedant about SPAG a cunt.

jtaeapa · 21/12/2022 15:53

YANBU. But what I sometimes do when browsing threads, even if I haven't contributed, is to report really nasty comments. MNHQ will delete them if they are just purely nasty and completely unhelpful - not in the spirit of the website.

FahridaFaraho · 21/12/2022 15:54

Yes and no. Sometimes the truth hurts, people can be very blunt online which is a blessing and a curse. You get told the bitter truth that your friends wouldn't risk their friendship to tell you at the same time, some posters just do not like being pulled up on their BS. There are brilliant brains on here with strong persuasive writing skills and boy can they dissect a thread! And then there are the ones spoiling for a fight. C'est la vie!

WatchoRulo · 21/12/2022 15:55

I think there's a danger of losing sight of the benefits of anonymity here though. Apart from anything else - I couldn't post here that for example I think Jeremy Clarkson has been acting like a cunt for years if I had to use my real name as it would contravene my work social media policy. Also - that's an opinion I choose to bowdlerise for some of my friends and family.

Wiccan · 21/12/2022 15:57

gloss234 · 21/12/2022 15:49

Yes! Although I think it's getting easier and easier to actually find these people in real life thanks to the technology advances. I saw an instagram the other day dedicated to finding the anonymous posters on tattle and they were successful in lots of cases. People think they are invincible on the internet but everyone leaves a blueprint which can be traceable if you know how and I think as time goes on it will be common knowledge. I hope it is because I believe this will stop lots of the problems of social media

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I think there are some people out there who wouldn't give 2 shits if they were identified they'd wear it with honour .

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 21/12/2022 15:57

No.

It's just that there are a lot of people who are wrong on MN and that needs addressing. Robustly.

C8H10N4O2 · 21/12/2022 15:59

gloss234 · 21/12/2022 15:49

Yes! Although I think it's getting easier and easier to actually find these people in real life thanks to the technology advances. I saw an instagram the other day dedicated to finding the anonymous posters on tattle and they were successful in lots of cases. People think they are invincible on the internet but everyone leaves a blueprint which can be traceable if you know how and I think as time goes on it will be common knowledge. I hope it is because I believe this will stop lots of the problems of social media

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No it will reduce postings from women and other targeted groups whilst serial harassers will find ways around identity requirements. I've seen exactly that happen on multiple forums who went "real name only" in all good intent, thinking it would reduce trolling and harassment.

That said, I'd be happy to see the level of name changing restricted on here. That is not usual for online groups and I think it causes at least as many problems as it solves.

RudsyFarmer · 21/12/2022 16:01

Welcome to the internet.

Original poster

gloss234 · 21/12/2022 16:02

@Wiccan I dunno I feel like if that were the case they wouldn't be using a fake name on the internet to give these thoughts out.

@WatchoRulo Not all thoughts need to be heard, some things really should just be said to close friends and family if that!

If you wouldn't say something to someone's face don't say it online, I think that's a good rule to go by.

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Original poster

gloss234 · 21/12/2022 16:05

@C8H10N4O2 why would it reduce posting for women and other groups?

Totally agree on the name change thing!

Although people do go through past posts to build pictures of peoples lives so it could be a problem for some who want to stay anonymous

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moofolk · 21/12/2022 16:10

BaublesandBangles · 21/12/2022 14:09

No it's not.

Yes it is. How dare you?

Wiccan · 21/12/2022 16:15

It's behind you ! 🧞

TwoRockSalmonAndAHaporthOfChips · 21/12/2022 16:18

Cuppasoupmonster · 21/12/2022 15:02

And people trawl through your previous posts to ‘catch you out’ like this poster

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Not at all. I have had no need to AS. He is a serial offender and I groan internally when I see posts under his name, as they are usually just spoiling for a fight. Tedious.

PriamFarrl · 21/12/2022 16:28

Keyansier · 21/12/2022 14:08

Could have written this post or one like it myself, especially today.

In a thread of mine recently I said X and then other users replied accusing me of saying Y and then got more users asking me to explain myself about Y when I had only in fact said X and not Y and even though I repeatedly replied saying I did not say Y I had user after user asking me to explain myself. It can be very frustrating. I think some users do deliberately do it on purpose though to be unpleasant and possibly cause arguments, like you said.

Are you kidding me?

There was a thread the other day where the op gave the scenario, the first two posters agreed with her and then you chipped in saying ‘I don’t know why the OP is getting such a hard time.’

PriamFarrl · 21/12/2022 16:30

WatchoRulo · 21/12/2022 14:27

^This. In the 10+ years I've been coming here there is a thread most weeks about how it's all suddenly got so nasty.
I was a bit taken aback the time another poster called me a cunt after I expressed an honest opinion (and I didn't think I was even being rude), but it is certainly interesting to get a range of views.
There are a few views that will get you persecuted on here - anything in favour of Brexit is one example but it's only words on a screen in the end.
I think on the whole MN does a good job of not over-Policing the place.

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I’ve been here about 10 years and the ‘I remember when it was all lovely here’ posts have been almost weekly since I joined.

SweetSenorita · 21/12/2022 16:31

Keyansier · 21/12/2022 14:08

Could have written this post or one like it myself, especially today.

In a thread of mine recently I said X and then other users replied accusing me of saying Y and then got more users asking me to explain myself about Y when I had only in fact said X and not Y and even though I repeatedly replied saying I did not say Y I had user after user asking me to explain myself. It can be very frustrating. I think some users do deliberately do it on purpose though to be unpleasant and possibly cause arguments, like you said.

Sit down, shut up and eat your bloody prawn crackers!

SweetSenorita · 21/12/2022 16:41

TwoRockSalmonAndAHaporthOfChips · 21/12/2022 16:18

Not at all. I have had no need to AS. He is a serial offender and I groan internally when I see posts under his name, as they are usually just spoiling for a fight. Tedious.

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Spot on. You groan in soprano and I'll come in with the alto part 🙂 Yep, he's very tiresome.

HelsyQ · 21/12/2022 16:43

gloss234 · 21/12/2022 14:04

As the title says really.

Some commenters can offer advice, support or submit their differing opinions and move on.

But more over there seems to be a lot of people hell bent on destroying the original posters. It doesn't seem to be a constructive environment for discussions to take place.

I have seen alot of posts today where OP has posted something, some people have given opinions and others have focused on one minor detailed and been passive aggressive about everything and just not picked there way to an argument with OP and when OP has relented Mumsnet have closed the thread.

Yet do not seem to stop these relentless mums betters who are clearly just commenting for an argument rather than giving their opinion.

Oh my gosh - one of the users followed me to a new thread today to start an argument because I would engage further with her on a different one - I love discussion but she’s very condescending which bores me personally.

It did make me chuckle, I ignored her there as well! X

BadNomad · 21/12/2022 16:46

I think a lot of people don't know the difference between a discussion and an argument. Just because someone doesn't agree with you doesn't mean they are arguing with you or even against you. But, yes, people do like to point out hypocrisy because often people say stuff which contradicts things they've said previously. People don't like being misled. And it is misleading to say you have a great relationship with DP when a month previously you were posting about him beating and cheating on you.

Fairislefandango · 21/12/2022 16:48

It's just that there are a lot of people who are wrong on MN and that needs addressing. Robustly.

July70 · 21/12/2022 16:49

Not really as these misfits as I see them can be very entertaining when they meet a like-minded clown. They often cancel each other out in time, EG MN bans at least one of the ames and then the other at a later date when they meet another from the family tree of WUM's.

Fairislefandango · 21/12/2022 16:51

Perhaps it's the fact I'm not Neuro-Typical (I have been criticised for being too direct and literal) but I can't see the logic to posting in a topic called "Am I Being Unreasonable?" and then complaining when (some) people say you are.

I'm NT and I entirely agree with you, as do quite a lot of people, judging by the understandably irritated responses to AIBU stroppers and flouncers.

DerekFaker · 21/12/2022 16:51

YANBU at all. AIBU used to be somewhere you may get robust replies, but it was nothing like it is today. People will tear into others for anything: spelling/grammar mistakes including. You never know what might bring down the wrath. I CBA with this board a.lot of the time because of it.