Would you spend alot or lose half?!

[MenCanGetInTheBin]

I am looking for somewhere to vent..

So me and my BF have been seeing each other since March.

He is a member of a drinks society and they have monthly member get togethers, christmas, new year parties etc.

He usually goes to the new year party every year as he really enjoys it and would usually go with ex (she isnt a member, so wont be there). He asked if I wanted to go this year, I said yes. I was a bit annoyed when I found out him and his ex went every year but he assures me it wasnt their thing, its his thing, he likes the event, and wants to share that with me.

So he purchased the tickets. I assumed, probably very wrongly of me, that he would pay for these tickets but he has told me the tickets are £150 each and to pay him back when I can. He also said we could get a taxi there and back (for reference, this company is in Edinburgh which will be swarmed with the big street party). He just got a taxi quote for £180 one way!! So we will have to bus it there and taxi back (The buses stop early).

He said it finishes at 1am (I thought it would go on longer given the price!!) and we can either walk the streets until 6am for the bus, or go to a club.. but that would mean walking the streets for 2 hours afterwards as clubs close at 3/4am).

I didnt sound keen after this ... £300 each for a 3 course dinner (a drink or two) and a taxi sounds crazy expensive. Thats not even taking into account if we buy more drinks, which of course we will. I simply cannot justfiy spending between £300-£400 on one night. He is a big earner but I am not and although I could spend this money it would mean budgeting the rest of the month which I dont want to do.

He has said he can enquire into cancelling but what if he can't? then I still need to fork out half the money and not attend.. I dont know what to do.

He is very much everything should be split 50/50 which I get but when someone is earning double, I think it changes things slightly.

What would you do?? I feel really annoyed when I should be excited that its our first new year together.

x

Did he actually invite you so you stay at your flat and avoid the travel costs?

If you live in Edinburgh you must know that most people end up walking long distances at Hogmanay?

(Thinks back pitifully to the year she walked home to Cramond from city centre, 2 years ago I ended up walking from Blackhall to Cramond because our cab cancelled and we couldn't get another one booked).

"He is very much everything should be split 50/50 which I get but when someone is earning double, I think it changes things slightly."

You think...?

How does he propose to do this when he has chosen a girlfriend who earns much less than him and he still wants to do expensive activities? Should she just take out a credit card or maybe not pay bills? She didn't force him to go out with her.

He also chose a GF who is a good few years younger than him
(OP mentioned an age difference).

Bet he likes the cachet of dating a younger attractive GF, but seemingly not the entirely natural salary difference that comes with that.

Sorry OP but he doesn't seem like much of a keeper. I'd be very wary about having DC with someone like this.

Darling, it’s not supposed to be this hard work at such an early stage of dating. You two aren’t really compatible, are at different life /career stages and he doesn’t seem to have got over his ex. Let this one go.

This poster is correct.

I dont live in Edinburgh if I did, I would be staying there and telling him to aswell!
I live in another City in Scotland, there is more than 1.

Well said! Sorry Op but you'd be much better off without him.

Oh no OP, this is just awful. I could not be with someone like this, my ex was like this and it was so horrible. I much prefer an organic approach to finances when dating and once it starts being argued/discussed like this it ruins everything because you’ll never be able to relax without wondering if he’s mentally clocking up the pennies and pounds. The ‘I work harder’ comment is what my ex said when I’d used an earnings calculator (look online) to work out the percentage of what we should each pay based on our income for things (it was 60/40) he said it ‘wasn’t fair as he worked ‘harder’ than me’. Truly awful and demeaning.

He sounds like he has issues still about his ex, or is just a tight wad, or likes to control you with money issues. I would have to exit the relationship - all the joy gets sucked out of life with partners/people like this.

Well...his home made gifts could be bottles of flavoured vodka, and he might have bought great jewellery for the rest...

OP, some of it does sound like communication difficulties to me, and it might be that your ensuing long exchanges have helped sort some of it out. He did at least apologise. And gave some context about his ex.

'My treat' is a phrase, isn't it? Like 'my shout' in a pub? Is it different to him having invited you as his guest on the first place?

Tell him about the Spa day voucher and all - it's a true explanation.

This might be a speed hump, or you might have the permanent ick now. Onl;y you can know.