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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my Christmas visitors to go out for a whole day!

146 replies

Flowerandmpower · 20/12/2022 13:20

Following on from my previous thread where i was feeling overwhelmed as visitors will be with us for at least 8 / 9 days over the festive period ..

I am feeling very tired .

I've taken advice .. like build in space and also To get some vitamins etc.

Would it be rude to ask them to go out for a day so I can rest up / just have sone quiet? And if so , is there a nice way of saying .. I love you but leave me alone for a day or inwill go mad .?
I struggle . Worry will offend . / upset .

OP posts:
ChristmasCwtch · 20/12/2022 18:04

You can encourage them by making suggestions. Or even better, go out yourself. Say you have to “run some errands” and leave for the day!!

diddl · 20/12/2022 18:05

There’s an old saying, ‘guests are like fish - they go off after three days’.

I think it depends on the guests tbh.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 20/12/2022 18:06

As you have ended up with extra people along with your DC, could you ask them to take the others out?
I'd certainly say you're not feeling great and need a rest. Go and nap and early nights/ long bath etc
8 days is far too long to host people you don't know well in any case

HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 20/12/2022 18:06

Kanaloa wow you are sympathetic…

OP is unwell and not coping and looking for a solution

be kind and all that stuff

especially be kind to people who are struggling

Theydoyaknow · 20/12/2022 18:11

I don't envy you OP, that is a hard one, very overwhelming.

rookiemere · 20/12/2022 18:18

Reading both threads again OP, I can't help but feel that the central issue here is that your home has been volunteered as the base to give this other lady a break.

But at the minute I think it's fair to say that you don't have capacity to be supporting other people, and perhaps subconsciously are a little peeved ( and rightly so) that your DC has put you in this position, rather than recognising that you have health issues and need to be looked after yourself- or at the very least not be looking after others.

Time for a frank conversation or email with DC. Explain that you do not want to let this lady down, but become of your health concerns you're worried about how much of a hostess you can be to her. Say that it would ease your mind if you knew they had a plan for things to do and could also take on the bulk of catering for those days.

Kanaloa · 20/12/2022 18:21

HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 20/12/2022 18:06

Kanaloa wow you are sympathetic…

OP is unwell and not coping and looking for a solution

be kind and all that stuff

especially be kind to people who are struggling

If you aren’t well enough for guests you shouldn’t accept guests. I think it’s rude to invite/accept guests to your home then tell them they have to go out for a whole day so you can ‘rest.’

And I did actually offer a solution - if she is in need of a rest she could stay in bed for the day and tell them she’s too unwell to be up. Not tell them they have to go out.

HellsCominWithMe · 20/12/2022 18:30

Buy them cinema tickets as a ‘present’ so they’ll fuck off for a couple hours? 🤣

TabithaTittlemouse · 20/12/2022 18:33

We’ve got visitors. Today I’ve been to the gym and had a nap. I need to do these things to function. I need space.

allboysherebutme · 20/12/2022 23:18

You can't ask them to stay out, don't ask people to stay if you don't really want them x

Original poster
Flowerandmpower · 21/12/2022 00:16

Allboysherebutme
if you read post you will see that I in fact did not invite all
of them .

OP posts:
Pothoswithasparkle · 21/12/2022 07:32

allboysherebutme · 20/12/2022 23:18

You can't ask them to stay out, don't ask people to stay if you don't really want them x

You totally can.

Maybe not a whole day though

RampantIvy · 21/12/2022 08:58

if you read post you will see that I in fact did not invite all of them

I m ean this gently, but you need to put yourself first sometimes and need to learn to say no.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/12/2022 09:01

if you read post you will see that I in fact did not invite all of them

So why are they staying with you? Are you unable to say no to your DC?

Original poster
Flowerandmpower · 21/12/2022 15:06

… its not as simple as a saying no .. they invited the partners parent , who is an exhausted carer to our house . I would feel mean not to offer that .
i am trying to find ways to manage my own depleted energy.. as well as do Christmas .

OP posts:
IsItThough · 21/12/2022 18:40

When do they arrive OP?

Take your daughter to one side - or ring her ahead and just let her know what you are saying - you need to manage your energy levels, not to worry her but you can't do the full on megahostess thing - ask them to take some time to go out together - make some suggestions, have some lie ins, its honestly fine.

Original poster
Flowerandmpower · 22/12/2022 11:09

Thanks ! And … today till 2 jan .

  • am going to
  • meditate
  • walks
  • use cooking as time out in my head by ask them not be in kitchen at rhe time
  • aak dh to come to the pub with me
  • a friend has said can go to her house to read a book quietly ( my dc often seek me out when I am in my room resting for a little time together without partners etc .
  • i do not have a tv in bedroom. Not my thing.. but will journal and read.
  • if all else fails i will drive off to a local cheap day spa ( £35) and sit in sauna
  • lastly i will try to enjoy the company not resist it ( i hate most tv , games etc ) i like the sea , walks , fires, pubs , exploring.
THANK YOU everyone .. and happy Christmas to you .
OP posts:
Bollindger · 22/12/2022 11:20

I am sure your Daughter and son won't want to just sit in the house everyday.
You have places to go for a quiet time, and as you said you can go visit friends.
Do not become the chef and bottle washer.

Calphurnia88 · 22/12/2022 11:54

Flowerandmpower · 22/12/2022 11:09

Thanks ! And … today till 2 jan .

  • am going to
  • meditate
  • walks
  • use cooking as time out in my head by ask them not be in kitchen at rhe time
  • aak dh to come to the pub with me
  • a friend has said can go to her house to read a book quietly ( my dc often seek me out when I am in my room resting for a little time together without partners etc .
  • i do not have a tv in bedroom. Not my thing.. but will journal and read.
  • if all else fails i will drive off to a local cheap day spa ( £35) and sit in sauna
  • lastly i will try to enjoy the company not resist it ( i hate most tv , games etc ) i like the sea , walks , fires, pubs , exploring.
THANK YOU everyone .. and happy Christmas to you .

Sounds like a great plan OP.

Hope you manage to have a relaxing break ❤️

MrPickles73 · 22/12/2022 14:41

I had a friend of mine come to stay bringing her teenage son and boyfriend. I had a toddler and baby and was exhausted. She was an awful house guest (very demanding.. and never went out). One afternoon my husband and I with sleeping baby and toddler went to the pub for 4 hours..

purplecorkheart · 28/12/2022 02:46

Hi op. How are you getting on?

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