Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my Christmas visitors to go out for a whole day!

146 replies

Flowerandmpower · 20/12/2022 13:20

Following on from my previous thread where i was feeling overwhelmed as visitors will be with us for at least 8 / 9 days over the festive period ..

I am feeling very tired .

I've taken advice .. like build in space and also To get some vitamins etc.

Would it be rude to ask them to go out for a day so I can rest up / just have sone quiet? And if so , is there a nice way of saying .. I love you but leave me alone for a day or inwill go mad .?
I struggle . Worry will offend . / upset .

OP posts:
ChristmasCwtch · 20/12/2022 18:04

You can encourage them by making suggestions. Or even better, go out yourself. Say you have to “run some errands” and leave for the day!!

diddl · 20/12/2022 18:05

There’s an old saying, ‘guests are like fish - they go off after three days’.

I think it depends on the guests tbh.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 20/12/2022 18:06

As you have ended up with extra people along with your DC, could you ask them to take the others out?
I'd certainly say you're not feeling great and need a rest. Go and nap and early nights/ long bath etc
8 days is far too long to host people you don't know well in any case

HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 20/12/2022 18:06

Kanaloa wow you are sympathetic…

OP is unwell and not coping and looking for a solution

be kind and all that stuff

especially be kind to people who are struggling

Theydoyaknow · 20/12/2022 18:11

I don't envy you OP, that is a hard one, very overwhelming.

rookiemere · 20/12/2022 18:18

Reading both threads again OP, I can't help but feel that the central issue here is that your home has been volunteered as the base to give this other lady a break.

But at the minute I think it's fair to say that you don't have capacity to be supporting other people, and perhaps subconsciously are a little peeved ( and rightly so) that your DC has put you in this position, rather than recognising that you have health issues and need to be looked after yourself- or at the very least not be looking after others.

Time for a frank conversation or email with DC. Explain that you do not want to let this lady down, but become of your health concerns you're worried about how much of a hostess you can be to her. Say that it would ease your mind if you knew they had a plan for things to do and could also take on the bulk of catering for those days.

Kanaloa · 20/12/2022 18:21

HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 20/12/2022 18:06

Kanaloa wow you are sympathetic…

OP is unwell and not coping and looking for a solution

be kind and all that stuff

especially be kind to people who are struggling

If you aren’t well enough for guests you shouldn’t accept guests. I think it’s rude to invite/accept guests to your home then tell them they have to go out for a whole day so you can ‘rest.’

And I did actually offer a solution - if she is in need of a rest she could stay in bed for the day and tell them she’s too unwell to be up. Not tell them they have to go out.

HellsCominWithMe · 20/12/2022 18:30

Buy them cinema tickets as a ‘present’ so they’ll fuck off for a couple hours? 🤣

TabithaTittlemouse · 20/12/2022 18:33

We’ve got visitors. Today I’ve been to the gym and had a nap. I need to do these things to function. I need space.

allboysherebutme · 20/12/2022 23:18

You can't ask them to stay out, don't ask people to stay if you don't really want them x

Original poster
Flowerandmpower · 21/12/2022 00:16

Allboysherebutme
if you read post you will see that I in fact did not invite all
of them .

OP posts:
Pothoswithasparkle · 21/12/2022 07:32

allboysherebutme · 20/12/2022 23:18

You can't ask them to stay out, don't ask people to stay if you don't really want them x

You totally can.

Maybe not a whole day though

RampantIvy · 21/12/2022 08:58

if you read post you will see that I in fact did not invite all of them

I m ean this gently, but you need to put yourself first sometimes and need to learn to say no.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/12/2022 09:01

if you read post you will see that I in fact did not invite all of them

So why are they staying with you? Are you unable to say no to your DC?

Original poster
Flowerandmpower · 21/12/2022 15:06

… its not as simple as a saying no .. they invited the partners parent , who is an exhausted carer to our house . I would feel mean not to offer that .
i am trying to find ways to manage my own depleted energy.. as well as do Christmas .

OP posts:
IsItThough · 21/12/2022 18:40

When do they arrive OP?

Take your daughter to one side - or ring her ahead and just let her know what you are saying - you need to manage your energy levels, not to worry her but you can't do the full on megahostess thing - ask them to take some time to go out together - make some suggestions, have some lie ins, its honestly fine.

Original poster
Flowerandmpower · 22/12/2022 11:09

Thanks ! And … today till 2 jan .

  • am going to
  • meditate
  • walks
  • use cooking as time out in my head by ask them not be in kitchen at rhe time
  • aak dh to come to the pub with me
  • a friend has said can go to her house to read a book quietly ( my dc often seek me out when I am in my room resting for a little time together without partners etc .
  • i do not have a tv in bedroom. Not my thing.. but will journal and read.
  • if all else fails i will drive off to a local cheap day spa ( £35) and sit in sauna
  • lastly i will try to enjoy the company not resist it ( i hate most tv , games etc ) i like the sea , walks , fires, pubs , exploring.
THANK YOU everyone .. and happy Christmas to you .
OP posts:
Bollindger · 22/12/2022 11:20

I am sure your Daughter and son won't want to just sit in the house everyday.
You have places to go for a quiet time, and as you said you can go visit friends.
Do not become the chef and bottle washer.

Calphurnia88 · 22/12/2022 11:54

Flowerandmpower · 22/12/2022 11:09

Thanks ! And … today till 2 jan .

  • am going to
  • meditate
  • walks
  • use cooking as time out in my head by ask them not be in kitchen at rhe time
  • aak dh to come to the pub with me
  • a friend has said can go to her house to read a book quietly ( my dc often seek me out when I am in my room resting for a little time together without partners etc .
  • i do not have a tv in bedroom. Not my thing.. but will journal and read.
  • if all else fails i will drive off to a local cheap day spa ( £35) and sit in sauna
  • lastly i will try to enjoy the company not resist it ( i hate most tv , games etc ) i like the sea , walks , fires, pubs , exploring.
THANK YOU everyone .. and happy Christmas to you .

Sounds like a great plan OP.

Hope you manage to have a relaxing break ❤️

MrPickles73 · 22/12/2022 14:41

I had a friend of mine come to stay bringing her teenage son and boyfriend. I had a toddler and baby and was exhausted. She was an awful house guest (very demanding.. and never went out). One afternoon my husband and I with sleeping baby and toddler went to the pub for 4 hours..

purplecorkheart · 28/12/2022 02:46

Hi op. How are you getting on?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread