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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my Christmas visitors to go out for a whole day!

146 replies

Flowerandmpower · 20/12/2022 13:20

Following on from my previous thread where i was feeling overwhelmed as visitors will be with us for at least 8 / 9 days over the festive period ..

I am feeling very tired .

I've taken advice .. like build in space and also To get some vitamins etc.

Would it be rude to ask them to go out for a day so I can rest up / just have sone quiet? And if so , is there a nice way of saying .. I love you but leave me alone for a day or inwill go mad .?
I struggle . Worry will offend . / upset .

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/12/2022 13:48

Why did you ask them to stay for so long if you can't cope with it?

I wouldn't be able to cope with it and would suggest a 2 night stay max then a local hotel of their choice...

Scottishskifun · 20/12/2022 13:51

Why don't you go out for the day somewhere instead? Plenty of quiet options going around a NT garden, a park or even to the cinema on your own.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/12/2022 13:53

Just tell them you're not feeling well and spend some time alone in your room.

OriginalUsername2 · 20/12/2022 13:55

I’ve tried to do this in real life and got a very bad “you don’t want us here” reaction which took 2 days to sort out. And I was being as polite and reasonable as humanly possible!

You’ll have to take yourself out to a friends house, a library or a cafe with a book. If I were able I’d secretly book a nearby premiere inn for a day and just go and exist in private for an afternoon!

Original poster
Flowerandmpower · 20/12/2022 13:55

I am not mean to be rude . I feel burnt out . Am also having investigations done medically .

OP posts:
Fingeronthebutton · 20/12/2022 13:56

Fish and visitors go off after 3 days. 😄

TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/12/2022 13:56

I think it depends who the visitors are. For example if your sister (who you are close to) were bringing her large family to stay for 8 days, I think it would be perfectly ok to have a word with her to ensure she gathered them together and took them off out. Likewise if your partner's parents or siblings were coming to stay, it would be reasonable to agree with them that he would take them out. This is what my family does, so the person hosting can stay on top of things
in peace.

More tricky if the visitors are your friends, coming to spend time with you.

eddiemairswife · 20/12/2022 13:56

I find my (adult) children spend time on their phones while i read.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/12/2022 13:57

Oh, if it's your own kids just turf them out!

PinkyFlamingo · 20/12/2022 13:57

Who is it and why did you ask them to stay for so long?

shreddies · 20/12/2022 13:59

Jist go to your room and chill.

Next year don't sign up for such a long stint!

Baconand · 20/12/2022 14:00

If you haven’t got the courage to tell them not to come in the first place then you really have to suck it up. But you really should be having an honest conversation with all parties. It’s a very odd way to behave with family.

HowVeryLikeSibella · 20/12/2022 14:01

A single whole day is a big ask and also wouldn't be enough over a period of 8 days. A few mornings/afternoons are much more manageable all round.

And then retire to bed with a migraine for another couple of afternoons. Be up front about your health conditions and require your adult children to bear their share of the load.

Do you have a partner?

museumum · 20/12/2022 14:01

I haven’t read your previous thread but if you want them to go out without you for a bit (probably not a whole day) you need to identify one person in the guests and tell them you need a wee bit space and ask them to “lead” a trip out one day.

SomethingOriginal2 · 20/12/2022 14:02

Are you wanting to do this while your daughter MIL is visiting for three days or while its just your kids?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/12/2022 14:03

visitors will be with us for at least 8 / 9 days

Who is the us?

Your DP or family? Can they not help out more?

I still don't understand why you asked them to stay for so long.

Do they know the area? Would they even know where to go or what is open for a full day? I think it would be really rude and will make them feel extremely unwelcome.

BookwormButNoTime · 20/12/2022 14:05

There’s a reason pantomimes are on over the holidays!! We always send our guests out to a local amateur dramatic one. They have a blast. We get a couple of hours to ourselves.

NoelNoNoel · 20/12/2022 14:06

If some are your own kids then I think it’s fine to say this. How about suggesting they all go and watch Avatar as it’s mega long?

NoelNoNoel · 20/12/2022 14:08

The other option is encourage them
out for a walk and then you go out somewhere just before they are due back.

Overthebow · 20/12/2022 14:08

Why are they coming for so long if you struggle with it? I don’t think you can ask them to go out but you could research and suggest some activity they might like.

Logginglogger · 20/12/2022 14:09

I think you can’t ask your children to leave at Christmas. But you can say you’re tired and spend a day in bed.

efen when I’m exhausted though I don’t need my own adult visiting children to leave my home. Is there more to this?

MRSDoos · 20/12/2022 14:09

I wouldn’t kick them out for the day but I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to speak to your guests / children / whatever the relation is to you and explain that you’re struggling a bit and feeling a bit unwell so might have half a day or so in your bedroom to rest up a bit.

I think if I was staying at a family members / friends house for 8-9 days and they had a quick word with me that they were having a bad day for physical or mental health and needed some hours alone I would be absolutely understanding of this.

knittingaddict · 20/12/2022 14:13

Beautiful3 · 20/12/2022 13:41

I'd just go to my room with an ipad and snacks.

Laptop, podcasts and knitting for me. I usually do this for half an hour after the Christmas dinner if we have guests. Long enough to recahrge a bit, but not so long that anyone notices you'e go awol.

I am an extreme introvert and need that space. Having said that I wouldn't need a whole days break from my own adult children. Just making a bit of space here and there should do. Get up later and read a book in bed, disappear for an hour, go to bed early.

Lunde · 20/12/2022 14:13

I often have this issue as I live abroad (so guests come for longer) but I have more than one genetic/autoimmune condition that really impacts me with pain and fatigue

These days I just tell guests when I am not feeling well and that they will need to fend for themselves for the day when I will stay in bed. They are welcome to root in the fridge or they can have the car keys if the wish to go out. I have to say no to people that require a lot of hosting and entertaining

knittingaddict · 20/12/2022 14:16

I will add that I don't really class adult children as visitors. That is reserved for friends, siblings and parents.

I remember op's other post, but didn't read enough to understand the op's difficulties. Wasn't it son coming home from uni, as well as something with other child.

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