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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

having visitors in hospital all day

114 replies

nearlyjarv · 20/12/2022 12:35

aibu to think this is rude? visiting is 8-8 on a women’s only ward where women are having pv bleeding and other pregnancy complications. woman opposite has had her partner in every single day for the whole 12 hours (been here 3 days so far) and then other visitors popping in and out. curtains wide open so unless i want to sit in the dark and shut my own curtain (which i’ve been asked not to anyway as on constant monitoring) i can’t ignore them.

really bugging me as i’m trying to pump colostrum and having to do so in the toilet, having constant bleeding and cramps etc and have zero privacy. i don’t care about other women in the same boat being here but sick of a man on the ward all blinking day 🥲

OP posts:
stayathomer · 20/12/2022 12:37

I don’t know, we were on restriction’s because of a big when I was in and I loved it but other people- you could tell they needed company.

Needmorelego · 20/12/2022 12:38

If visiting hours are 8-8 then there will be vistors during that time.
Is he actually taking any notice of you or is he just concerned about his wife. I doubt he is interested in you.
Put the curtains round when you need privacy.

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 20/12/2022 12:40

When I was in hopsital heavily pregnant I had DH with me all day (this wasn't in the UK) but he always stepped out of the room when one of the other women was having a doctor/nurse see her and we kept our curtain closed to give the other women privacy. This seemed to be the done thing there.

CustardySergeant · 20/12/2022 12:40

stayathomer · 20/12/2022 12:37

I don’t know, we were on restriction’s because of a big when I was in and I loved it but other people- you could tell they needed company.

Because of a big what?

Overthebow · 20/12/2022 12:40

Well if visiting hours are 8-8 then really they aren’t doing anything wrong. Some people need support in these situations. I would insist that your curtain is drawn though, you do need some privacy.

Hbh17 · 20/12/2022 12:42

It's awful on any ward, & many doctors believe that it's bad for patients because they don't get enough rest.
The traditional one hour in the afternoon and a further hour in the evening is more than enough (as I realised when I was hospitalised a few years ago). It's healthcare, not a holiday camp.

PuttingDownRoots · 20/12/2022 12:57

O spent a lot of time visiting a sick relative in hospital this summer. We had several distressed phone calls out of visiting hours as well... hospital can be a scary lonely place.

The problem is lack of privacy not visitors. What's needed is more private rooms.

Bellaboo01 · 20/12/2022 13:02

Do you also have support/visitors?

I know it is probably annoying you but, it sounds as though they are following the rules. Why dont you just have your curtain pulled round?

Lkydfju · 20/12/2022 13:06

Im a bit in two minds here as I spent a lot of one of my pregnancies in hospital and was driven crazy by one partner in the next bed who would be there all day but be on the phone talking loudly. I burst into tears with the midwife one day as I just wanted to sleep and couldn’t and it improved.
However at the weekends I had DH with me most of the day and we’d watch something with headphones on a tablet as i was desperate for the company and so scared about what was going on

oviraptor21 · 20/12/2022 13:09

Bellaboo01 · 20/12/2022 13:02

Do you also have support/visitors?

I know it is probably annoying you but, it sounds as though they are following the rules. Why dont you just have your curtain pulled round?

OP has already explained that she's not been allowed to do that.

Bellaboo01 · 20/12/2022 13:14

oviraptor21 · 20/12/2022 13:09

OP has already explained that she's not been allowed to do that.

Show quote history

I must have read this thread wrong then.

Why cant OP have visitors within visiting hours like the rest of the ward?

Rickandmortified100 · 20/12/2022 13:16

YABU to expect a new mother to ask the father of her child not to visit and spend time with his newborn and support the mother, simply because you don’t want to close your curtain?

WhatLikeItsHard · 20/12/2022 13:17

CustardySergeant · 20/12/2022 12:40

Because of a big what?

Show quote history

They probably meant to say bug instead of big.

Original poster
nearlyjarv · 20/12/2022 13:17

Rickandmortified100 · 20/12/2022 13:16

YABU to expect a new mother to ask the father of her child not to visit and spend time with his newborn and support the mother, simply because you don’t want to close your curtain?

there’s no baby. it’s antenatal

OP posts:
Original poster
nearlyjarv · 20/12/2022 13:18

Bellaboo01 · 20/12/2022 13:14

I must have read this thread wrong then.

Why cant OP have visitors within visiting hours like the rest of the ward?

Show quote history

i can have visitors but when i do they’ve came once a day for about half an hour and i’ve drawn the curtains during that time so the other women get privacy. but 12 hours is too much especially when i’m pumping/bleeding/sitting half undressed because i’m on a ctg or ecg at various times

OP posts:
SomethingOriginal2 · 20/12/2022 13:20

YABU if she's also in for monitoring due to complications (why else would she be?) Then she's going to want her partner and presumably father of said child nearby. I'm sorry you don't want/have a person with you. But you can't refuse others support.

It's kind of more a case that these services aren't up to scratch. You should both be able to have the care you need. I'd just pull the curtain round so you can pump though.

GrolliffetheDragon · 20/12/2022 13:26

I can see both sides. I was in for the best part of two weeks when I had DS. Having DH and/or my DP visit for as long as they could stopped my mental health getting even worse than it did. I felt very alone and unsupported when they weren't there.

But other people's visitors could be annoying, especially when they'd have 5 or 6 at once and started encroaching on my space.

SavingKitten · 20/12/2022 13:31

YABU to think it’s rude yes, they are following the rules and their needs are different to yours. Totally understandable to feel stressed about it though. Can’t you just avoid harvesting colostrum during your ctg monitoring so that you can close your curtains for short periods rather than doing this in the toilet? It seems bizarre that midwife’s won’t allow you to close your curtains for a short time

MRSDoos · 20/12/2022 13:34

I don’t think it’s rude if he is abiding by the visitor hours 8-8
They are not doing anything wrong

But I can understand why the rules are frustrating for you as you feel like you are getting no privacy

Hiphopopotamus · 20/12/2022 13:46

No it’s not rude. I know Mumsnet generally seems to be against the idea of a man stepping on to an antenatal/postnatal ward but speaking as someone who gave birth during the first lockdown when things were still extremely strict I would have given anything for a bit of support from visitors including my husband. The wards are chronically understaffed and to be there totally alone is isolating and intimidating at a time when you can feel incredibly vulnerable.

The issue you have is with lack of privacy from other patients on the wards generally. I was told I wasn’t allowed my curtains closed on the post natal ward and I was fine to be establishing breastfeeding in front of six other women because ‘there are no men here’. Well to me that wasn’t ok. I just wanted privacy. And I felt the same with no visitors on the ward about that as I would have felt with visitors.

transverseworries · 20/12/2022 14:13

unless i want to sit in the dark and shut my own curtain

This comment alone tells me you're totally unreasonable. What is the purpose of this ridiculous hyperbole?! There are lights, closing your curtains wouldn't mean you're sitting in the dark, you're just being ridiculous now

Visiting hours are 8-8 so it's not in anyway unreasonable for other patients to have visitors for that whole time. It sounds more like jealousy that you don't have many visitors. Is your partner a bit useless and unsupportive generally? Good luck with your baby if so

stayathomer · 20/12/2022 15:21

Because of a big what?
oh sorry- bug- mrsa outbreak in hospital

BirdyWoof · 20/12/2022 15:46

YABU.

She’s entitled to have support and they’re visiting within the 8-8 hour period. You can sleep after 8, surely, if it’s not a postnatal ward? Not as if there’s babies in there crying at all hours.

NerrSnerr · 20/12/2022 21:41

Wouldn't having curtains closed just for the duration of pumping be preferable to sitting in the toilet?

I wouldn't want visitors 8-8 but completely understand why others feel they need the support.

WetBandits · 20/12/2022 21:50

She can have visitors during visiting hours; that’s the whole point of them.

Sorry if you don’t have/want anyone to visit you, but unfortunately that isn’t her problem.