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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

having visitors in hospital all day

114 replies

nearlyjarv · 20/12/2022 12:35

aibu to think this is rude? visiting is 8-8 on a women’s only ward where women are having pv bleeding and other pregnancy complications. woman opposite has had her partner in every single day for the whole 12 hours (been here 3 days so far) and then other visitors popping in and out. curtains wide open so unless i want to sit in the dark and shut my own curtain (which i’ve been asked not to anyway as on constant monitoring) i can’t ignore them.

really bugging me as i’m trying to pump colostrum and having to do so in the toilet, having constant bleeding and cramps etc and have zero privacy. i don’t care about other women in the same boat being here but sick of a man on the ward all blinking day 🥲

OP posts:
Badger1970 · 21/12/2022 20:53

DD was on an antenatal ward a few times with her last pregnancy, and the noise when visiting her sent me insane let alone having to stay in there and listen to it 24/7.

People just don't have any manners anymore - it's all about what they want with sod all consideration to the people around them. And sadly not limited to maternity wards.

saraclara · 21/12/2022 20:57

Lancrelady80 · 21/12/2022 20:44

Whilst two hours total is reasonable, it's pretty rubbish for people whose friends/families can't actually get there in those time slots. 10am -11am and 4pm-5pm for instance knocks out most people who work. So an extended period allows for that.

Also, if times really were that restricted but somehow visitors could get in, then it would be bonkers during those hours - hideous and v unrestful for everyone.

Show quote history

The usual used to be along the lines of 2-4 and 7-9.

And no, it wasn't chaos. Quite the opposite. Visitors were much more respectful in that they were visiting, and not living there all day. So they weren't sprawled around and treating the place like their living room or bringing in MacDonalds like many of the blokes on my DD's ward.

CandyLeBonBon · 21/12/2022 22:08

Pippa12 · 21/12/2022 04:29

Genuine question, not being a knob (or I probably am for not being educated on this!) but why are you pumping if your antenatal?

Is it a new thing pumping before you’ve given birth?

Got to admit I wondered this too?

gezelligheid · 22/12/2022 09:09

Pippa12 · 21/12/2022 04:29

Genuine question, not being a knob (or I probably am for not being educated on this!) but why are you pumping if your antenatal?

Is it a new thing pumping before you’ve given birth?

I had my second DS in the summer and didn't have to pump on antenatal and I was in there for 5 days. In fact, NHS guidelines specifically tell you NOT to pump prior to birth. Hand expressing with a colostrum syringe after 36 weeks is fine if it's needed (for example if there is a chance baby will have low blood sugars), but pumping is a big no.

Original poster
nearlyjarv · 23/12/2022 20:12

gezelligheid · 22/12/2022 09:09

I had my second DS in the summer and didn't have to pump on antenatal and I was in there for 5 days. In fact, NHS guidelines specifically tell you NOT to pump prior to birth. Hand expressing with a colostrum syringe after 36 weeks is fine if it's needed (for example if there is a chance baby will have low blood sugars), but pumping is a big no.

Show quote history

it’s not always a big no. i was advised to pump because i’m bfing toddler still and they don’t want me to get mastitis right before giving birth again

OP posts:
gezelligheid · 23/12/2022 20:15

nearlyjarv · 23/12/2022 20:12

it’s not always a big no. i was advised to pump because i’m bfing toddler still and they don’t want me to get mastitis right before giving birth again

Show quote history

If you're breastfeeding a toddler surely you are used to doing so in public. In that case, why is it such a big problem that there is a man speaking to his wife in the same room?

Original poster
nearlyjarv · 23/12/2022 20:39

gezelligheid · 23/12/2022 20:15

If you're breastfeeding a toddler surely you are used to doing so in public. In that case, why is it such a big problem that there is a man speaking to his wife in the same room?

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discreetly breastfeeding in public is completely different to sitting with pumps on being milked like a cow, is it not?

OP posts:
gezelligheid · 23/12/2022 20:56

nearlyjarv · 23/12/2022 20:39

discreetly breastfeeding in public is completely different to sitting with pumps on being milked like a cow, is it not?

Show quote history

The fact that you liken pumping milk for your child to the (very ethically questionable) dairy industry is very strange indeed

Coffeellama · 23/12/2022 21:07

gezelligheid · 23/12/2022 20:56

The fact that you liken pumping milk for your child to the (very ethically questionable) dairy industry is very strange indeed

Show quote history

It’s not really, there is a clear difference between feeding your child (who also covers most of the boob from view), and being attached to a machine which is artificially drawing the milk, similar to a cow being attached to a machine.
Obviously the 2 situations are very different but it’s not a strange comparison at all. One is natural and more discreet, the other can easily make a woman feel more vulnerable and uncomfortable.

oviraptor21 · 26/12/2022 21:23

When I was expressing using the hospital grade electric pumps following my DC's premature birth, I described myself as Daisy the cow because that's exactly what the process looked like - milking a cow.

MargaretThursday · 26/12/2022 21:38

When I had mine, and I don't think the policy has changed they had very strict visiting hours on the maternity wing.
It was 10-12am birthing partner and children only. I think you were only allowed 2 people at any point too.
Then strictly no one at all between 12 and 4pm. It was rather quaintly called "mother's rest time". Then anyone could come between 4pm and 8pm. I think there was a limit of numbers, 4 comes to mind, but I may be wrong.

It was very strictly kept to as well. I remember the lady next to me, she'd come through onto the ward at 5am. Her partner stayed in the car outside because he didn't want to come in, and he slipped in at 9:00am and was told to go away for another hour, even though the rest of us on the ward said we weren't worried.
Also my fil came to pick me up with dh (we didn't have a car) in the morning and they wouldn't let him into the ward. He had to wait outside, even though I was fairly ready to go and all he'd have done was come in and pick up a bag for me.

I'm not sure whether this was a good thing or not.

Sceptre86 · 27/12/2022 14:15

You can shut your curtains. If a midwife opens them simply tell them why you want them closed. Postnatal ward aren't pleasant. I had my dh with me as much as possible when I had dd2 because it was another emergency section and he was the only allowed visitor. When I had my dd1 both my mum and dh were with me a lot. After having my ds the young girl next to me constantly had long phone calls on speaker it disturbed all of us but I noticed she doesn't have any visitors so I left her to it. Your needs don't trump anyone else's as blunt as that sounds.

Sceptre86 · 27/12/2022 14:16

*I noticed she didn't have any visitors.

FavouriteDogMug · 27/12/2022 14:39

Some people are being pretty harsh on the OP even if you don't agree it's easy to see it's not a nice situation to be in. Stuck in hospital uncomfortable and with little privacy. Ok it's not against the rules and makes the other patient feel better but it's still hard on OP.
I do think she should shut her curtains anytime she needs privacy as a much better alternative to pumping in the toilet where they wouldn't be able to monitor her if she was in trouble anyway. If they do say anything then tell them why.

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