having visitors in hospital all day

[nearlyjarv]

aibu to think this is rude? visiting is 8-8 on a women’s only ward where women are having pv bleeding and other pregnancy complications. woman opposite has had her partner in every single day for the whole 12 hours (been here 3 days so far) and then other visitors popping in and out. curtains wide open so unless i want to sit in the dark and shut my own curtain (which i’ve been asked not to anyway as on constant monitoring) i can’t ignore them.

really bugging me as i’m trying to pump colostrum and having to do so in the toilet, having constant bleeding and cramps etc and have zero privacy. i don’t care about other women in the same boat being here but sick of a man on the ward all blinking day 🥲

sorry but what a stupid comment - he may not be looking but do you honestly think it’s abnormal for any woman to feel uncomfortable whipping their tits out and pumping away 2 metres opposite someone else’s husband?

in think it’s as NORMAL and defiantly not abnormal, it’s simply breastfeeding.

*Definitely

No, it’s not rude to have visitors during the stated visiting hours. If anything it’s rude to expect people not to have the visitors they need around them for support so that you can be more comfortable.

The problem is the way wards are set up. It would be lovely if there were private rooms, and enough staff that care could be provided safely in individual rooms. Or if the care was good enough in the first place the people didn’t feel the need to have visitors around them all day, but that’s not the NHS we have. The NHScan only provide the basics and if people want the nice to have things like privacy, then that’s what private healthcare is for.

Loud phone conversations pacing up and down.
Music on loud speaker. (Gangster fucking crap)
A film on loud speaker.
Pepper bastard pig on loud speaker.
5/6/7 visitors around the bed. Then do not put the chairs away when leaving.
5/6/7 visitors create a LOT of noise.
5/6/7 visitors leaving their rubbish all over the place.
one or two of 5/6/7 visitors breaking away to have loud phone conversations..

Selfish fucking torture for numerous other people who are stuck there.

This. You’re not being monitored in the toilet and I wouldn’t express in there anyway. Close your curtains when you need privacy, the midwives will understand. If they don’t just say you will be closing them when you need to and you are not opening them until you’re finished.

YABU

I’d just close the curtains when pumping (and to be honest quite a lot of the other times). Let’s be honest are they watching you 24/7? That’s constant monitoring and I doubt they are. They won’t have the staff. It’s just easier for them if you have the curtains open. Are they following you to the toilet to ‘monitor’ you?

I do think 8-8 is a bit full on for visiting hours in a hospital where people need to rest. I’ve never known such generous visiting hours! Might be nice for some but very disruptive for others.

Close the curtains whilst your pumping.

Complain to hospital about their visiting policy.

The other patient and her partner are doing nothing wrong.

I think YABU. I hated being in hospital with mine, I get it’s not fun, but that’s what the curtains are for - you do have privacy, no one cares what you are doing behind them. And you’re obviously not sat in the dark behind them, that comment makes you sound like such a drama queen.
The other patients are entitled to have visitors and certainly are entitled to have their partner there for support all day if that’s what they want.

Pull curtains round when you pump. You say on constant monitoring but that's no different to pumping in the loo?

Unfortunately i had similar. The lady next to me had her dh in until 10pm. Then 30 min later she'd be chatting on phone until early hours!
It was a nightmare!

Not only all bloody day but if they don’t restrict number around the bed it’s even more awful. Kids running round shrieking and mobs of people making a din all day. I think numbers and times should be restricted to help sick people get some rest.

Having visitors in hospital is a class marker now?

I will add this one to the list pronto. Never change, mumsnet!

Closing the curtains isn’t exactly secure/meaningful in that situation though. It’s a flimsy bit of fabric that gives the veneer of privacy, not actual privacy. You never know when medical staff are going to yank it back, or a visitor catch it/mistakenly come into your area. Bit disingenuous/overly simplistic to tell OP to just pull the curtains over, IMO.

Because they want support and hospitals are boring when you're alone and unable to do much. The visiting hours allow it so there is nothing wrong with the person's partner being there. The OP has no right to complain about it because she can also have a partner there for 12 hours should she wish to. Not the other womans fault OP doesn't want her partner there.

Yeah I think its weird for a woman to find it uncomfortable expressing when a man is in the vicinity. How do you think breastfeeding mothers feed their baby in public? Do we wait for all men to leave? No, we crack on.

Well I fundamentally disagree. Patients need rest and if you have warda full of partners that won't happen

Maybe you should take this up with the hospital then because, as it currently stands, the woman and her partner are doing nothing wrong and the hospital has set the visiting times in a way that allows that. People shouldn't be putting the blame on the woman and her partner and berating this poor woman for wanting the support of her partner when the rules allow this.

I agree that those visiting hours are ridiculous and do not allow rest for people who desperately need it. I guess it must vary by hospital though as I’ve never known this. I’ve only ever been in hospitals which very restrictive visiting hours - but I didn’t mind too much.

Yes it's strange how much visiting hours vary from hospital to hospital – as I said in a previous post my most recent experience of this was visiting DH in a large Midlands hospital where visiting was restricted to 2 hours a day and only 2 people at a time. It was strictly enforced.

Rest, at least post-op, is a crucial element in recovery so I think allowing visitors in for 12 hours a day is totally bonkers. That said, OP's hospital does so unfortunately for her her neighbour is not being unreasonable as it stands.

Close the curtains put your bedside light on and tell nursing staff why you're doing this. You're entitled to rest and privacy. You should definitely not be expressing milk in the toilet. I would query why there isn't a protocol for this situation.

I had an emergency CS after a traumatic labour and major foetal distress, and where we had no idea whether they'd get the baby out in time

So yes, I was very grateful to have some calm and peace around me for the next few days. I would have found it agonising to be in the kind of environment that my DD had to endure, after my awful birth experience.

All day visiting is a relatively recent thing. I'm glad it was strictly visiting hours when I gave birth. I didn't want a private room it was good talking to the other women and discussing our experiences. I would have hated other people's visitors all day.

Hope everything is ok OP .

I understand not wanting to pump in front of a strange man but you can’t dictate who visits other patients, or how long they stay.

Close your curtains if it makes you feel more comfortable and open them again when you’re finished. You’ll be comfier and the midwives won’t be able to monitor you in the toilet anyway.

Whilst two hours total is reasonable, it's pretty rubbish for people whose friends/families can't actually get there in those time slots. 10am -11am and 4pm-5pm for instance knocks out most people who work. So an extended period allows for that.

Also, if times really were that restricted but somehow visitors could get in, then it would be bonkers during those hours - hideous and v unrestful for everyone.