"She's nice but very small"

[frostytinsel]

My mum rang me earlier to tell me about sibling's new girlfriend who she has recently met (I haven't met her yet).

First comment was along the lines of "Oh yes I met Annabel the other day, she's nice, very small, she's from India, spent most of her life in Dubai then came over here, I thought she'd be taller but when I met her she was very small, lovely girl though."

AIBU to be feel annoyed by this focus on appearance?

My mum often seems to point out how tall/ short/ big/ small someone is on first meeting them. I'm much more interested in her career, interests, etc but none of that was even mentioned, it was all about her appearance and the fact she wasn't British.

My dad was like that. If you asked him what someone was like his first comment was usually how tall they were.

You are not being unreasonable. I am short and get called 'The small girl '. I am 37. 😕

My mum does this.

”What’s she like?”
Mum: “Well she has blonde hair and and upturned nose”

🤣

No mum I mean her personality.

My brother once introduced his new GF (went on to be his wife) to us, she had a tattooed cleavage. I practically had to pass the smelling salts to my mum. Who POINTED IT OUT!! “Oh look at you, you have tattoos on your breasts!”.

They never got on. I’m on SIL’s side TBH.

I’ve been ‘short cake’ for most of my life but it really doesn't offend me and never has… I have more important things to get worked up over

My DD is 9 and unusually short. Only 2 inches taller than her 6yo brother. It’s CONSTANTLY pointed out by everyone and I’ve even raised some bullying issues at school over it. She’s got a life of this nonsense hasn’t she

I think I'd see if this becomes a pattern before I judged. From what you've said there wasn't a racial element to it as discussing where she's from etc doesn't cross a line there and as for the comments about her size, that may simply just be a surprise as she had a mental image of this woman that turned out to be wrong. She has said she seems nice so hopefully she'll focus on who the girlfriend is as she gets to know her better.

However, if this becomes a constant thing then I'd be wary but it's early days yet and I'd personally assume positive intent at this stage.

I’m very petite. 5’1” and slightly underweight. I honestly don’t care that people say ‘oh you’re so small!’ It’s usually just a one off. I think ‘oh wow you’re so tall’ when I see someone tall.

Meh, I couldn’t get worked up about this. Especially as she offered up ‘spent most of her life in Dubai’ as an interesting tidbit in the first paragraph.

Why did your mum think that she would be taller?

I think it's that that makes it seem as if it's a criticism rather than just a statement.

Is this a reverse about a mum who has just met a short boyfriend ?

Unlike my Dad who thinks it's his personal duty to comment on everyone's weight. Only if they are fat though. Slim people are OK in his book.
Left all three of his daughters with lifelong weight problems. I can still remember the 13 year old me trying on the brand new Levi's from our neighbour's Littlewoods catalogue and him shouting to my mother that "She's too bloody fat for jeans".
He's 87 now and still an opinionated, offensive, racist misogynistic pain in the arse. Thought he'd be dead by now and my poor mum would have a bit of peace.

Me too, I don't like being called skinny but small is ok

My mum is like this. Appearance first! And my dad always asks what did his/her father do for a living and where do they live 🤣

Does it really matter?

First thing my MIL ever said to me .."oooh you're tall".
Mildly annoying ( I'm more than my height!) but it doesn't really matter in the great scheme of things.

Oh God my dad was like this too - so much focus on how tall people are and on their weight too.

Would your Mom have commented if she was blonde, white and from Sweden but born in Germany? If so then I wouldn't both about the comments on the woman's nationality and place of birth. There's nothing inherently racist I na neutral statement of fact.

Surely her being short is one of the attractions, men love a spinner!

I’ve had the ‘ha ha, you’re short!’ Comments too. Feel tempted to respond with ‘bloody hell! Really!? Thanks for letting me know. I wondered what was going on.’ 🙄

My dad does this but about weight, he's fabulous in 99% of ways but he always describes people by their appearance. Even when I was a kid, I'd say "dad, you know Helen?" And he'd say "the great fat thing?" or "the one with the arse". He does it now in front of my kids but at least now I tell him not to.

Some people do this, whether it is without thinking, I don't know.

I always remember my mother-in-law meeting her baby grandson for the first time (my son).
Her first words were, "Oh yes. You can definitely tell he's got it!"

He has Down's Syndrome.

@emotionallyfragile that's awful!

My dsis does that with her granddaughter. DGD is 18, has many qualities, skills, personality traits. Dsis only ever says " Jess is tiny ! So small ! Like a little fairy !"

I've told Dsis many times that it's awful to constantly describe Jess that way - she answers " but she IS so tiny !" .I give up.

First thing my mil said to me was how slim I was. When I piled weight on she commented on that. Some people have fixations on certain things. It’s usually stuff they worry about themselves.