"She's nice but very small"

[frostytinsel]

My mum rang me earlier to tell me about sibling's new girlfriend who she has recently met (I haven't met her yet).

First comment was along the lines of "Oh yes I met Annabel the other day, she's nice, very small, she's from India, spent most of her life in Dubai then came over here, I thought she'd be taller but when I met her she was very small, lovely girl though."

AIBU to be feel annoyed by this focus on appearance?

My mum often seems to point out how tall/ short/ big/ small someone is on first meeting them. I'm much more interested in her career, interests, etc but none of that was even mentioned, it was all about her appearance and the fact she wasn't British.

I think your making a big deal of nothing. If your interested in things like her career ask your mum and if she doesn't know then it's a good conversation starter when you meet her for the first time

Couldn't get fussed about this to be honest.

When you meet her you might think 'She's very small'. The only difference is you might not say it to your mum.

Each to their own.

Agree with this.

😂🤣😂🤣

I actually started a thread recently about gameshow contestants who loudly work out their reasoning. Shows are now actually unwatchable because of this. They MUST be told to do it.
Tipping Point is the worst.
”What is the capital of France?”
A: Paris
B: Walkers Crisps
C: Danny DeVito

”Well Ben, I enjoy a pack of Walkers Crisps”
Ben: “Do you? What is your favourite flavour?”
”Haha, well it’s not always popular but for me it has to be Tomato Ketchup”

Ben: “Crikey!”
”I know! But because I eat the crisps, I don’t think they would count as a capital city. And I’m SURE that Danny DeVito is perhaps an actor. It does sound a bit French though. However Ben, I did grow up in Paris, which is definitely a big city in France and so I’m pretty sure the answer is A, Paris”

FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU ANNOYING FUCK

I remember my FIL telling my then boyfriend that I was built for comfort and not for speed (yachting term.). I was a size 10 curvy well endowed young woman at 20. Don't think you could say that these days. 😂

Is your mum very tall? My mum does this too but we're all tall and therefore slightly envious of petite people. All of the women in my family are about 5'10" and about 11 stone, so if someone of Kylie Monogue proportions crosses mum's threshhold we take a moment to wistfully wonder what that must be like. So my mum would definitely mention it in her description.

Reads like just a description of her to me. Can’t see why you’ve taken issue with it,

My mum does this - The plumber came today - he's a little man, actually (she means short, not a dwarf )

Other sizes too - the plumber came today - he's a big man, actually (she means tall, not fat)

Always "actually" as well

God, that's the kind of bloody daft thing my mum would say. Plus a comment on their weight, if they appeared to have a particularly low or high BMI, and bonus for a comment on skin colour if it's not white. She is mystified by my "rude" and "uninterested" lack of commitment to interrogating my friends of colour on "where they're really from".

Look on the bright side, OP; mine might well have added "quite a plump girl, very dark skin you know".

🤣🤣🤣

My mum is exactly like this and always has been. It's made extremely self conscious about myself thinking everyone is judging my appearance. I've learnt as I've got older they probably aren't and if they are screw them. But for my mother it was always about how everyone looks. She would even comment on appearance of other children when I was a child comparing me to them.

Is your mum Irish by any chance?

My family are, and no story is complete without a full description of the people in it.

It's like listening to a police statement

’I thought she'd be taller but when I met her she was very small’

That sounds like random shit people say. I would be tempted to take your mother very literally and start slipping in references to The Borrowers the next time she brings it up.

DuplicateUserName - not Irish, no - Irishish, though clearly

Mine are Irish a generation or so back and it’s this plus a touch of Victoria Wood. “He lives opposite the blind man’s wife, well, not really blind because he could see some shapes but he used a stick for going out, he’s been dead for 5 years now …

It's the "but" though that is the problem - Nice but small.

Mum does this too - she doesn't think she's racist but comes out with stuff like - I saw the doctor - Black African, you know, but very nice!

I don't think any offence was meant. Most of us do it to a certain extent, refer to someone's appearance by their prominent feature, ie my DD is small (only 4'11"), I'm the one with waist length hair and poor DH is the one who's nearly bald.

Well she’s only met her once, not really a chance to find out career, interests and so on unless you’re nosy tbh. Usually you get a feel for that on later meetings imho.

This is the kind of thing people say when (1) they can’t think of anything more interesting to say or (2) they don’t want to say out loud what they’re actually thinking

To be honest, it sounds like your mum was just rattling off a list of the things that she knows about her - which aren't going to be that deep given she doesn't know her very well.

Has she spoken to her on video chat before (or to your sibling with her in the background)? I've been surprised before when meeting people in real life as you get no feel for height from a face-up image only.

I'm short and foreign, and I'm struggling to take offence at your mum's comments.

OMG you've just described my dad! 😂

And if you don't know who they're talking about, they keep adding details until you give in!

"Yes you do. Remember he had a hamster called Jerry who he bought off of Martin's cousin (the one with one leg shorter than the other), who went to school with Mary".

"Who's Mary? Oh WAIT....no please never mind!" 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Is it really that unusual?

im going to put my hands up here and admit the first things I notice when meeting anyone is (in this order)....face, smile, height, physique, personality

My DD is 23 and a very petite size 6. Her supervisor at work thinks it's acceptable to keep saying how skinny she thinks she is. If it was the opposite she would not be saying how fat she is.

That's not the same as describing someone who isn't there, like the OP's mum did.

the first things I notice when meeting anyone is (in this order)....face, smile, height, physique, personality

I hope you never meet me.