"She's nice but very small"

[frostytinsel]

My mum rang me earlier to tell me about sibling's new girlfriend who she has recently met (I haven't met her yet).

First comment was along the lines of "Oh yes I met Annabel the other day, she's nice, very small, she's from India, spent most of her life in Dubai then came over here, I thought she'd be taller but when I met her she was very small, lovely girl though."

AIBU to be feel annoyed by this focus on appearance?

My mum often seems to point out how tall/ short/ big/ small someone is on first meeting them. I'm much more interested in her career, interests, etc but none of that was even mentioned, it was all about her appearance and the fact she wasn't British.

I get the impression some people just dont like conversation

This is the glue that holds conversation and society together, recognising and identifying or learning about characteristics of people. Of course the first thing we do when we meet someone new is take a tally of their appearance, its a human nature, we are animals, we tot up what is in front of us very quickly, within nano seconds and until we know someone thats what our brains use, later it will be personality or job or background. Thats how we gain information about people.

There is a modern narrative that disapproves of that and Im not quite sure why.

I would not know if someone said "What's she like?" that OP wanted "personality" for the answers.

I would end up hugely disappointing OP, too.
I could say "She was very smartly dressed and has a lovely Mancunian accent. She's a solicitor with a big Pharma company. I said we should go for a walk but she said she wasn't feeling 100% after a cold last week."

So none of that is personality. If you want "personality" then you need to say "What is her personality like?" Which sounds like big leaps of guessing if I only met someone briefly, but I could give 1st impressions.

"However Ben, I did grow up in Paris, which is definitely a big city in France and so I’m pretty sure the answer is A, Paris”
FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU ANNOYING FUCK"

You need 15 to 1 with William G. Stewart. No messing about.

I'm 5 2" and get this a fair bit but nothing on the scale that my late 4 ft 10 mother did. So many wits about that seemed to think they were the first people to ever notice her height or come up with a 'humorous' remark. 🙄

I remember her telling me when she was first married she went to visit her (tall) best friend one day and friend's mother was there. When my mum's friend introduced them, first words out of friend's mum's mouth were "Goodness, how did someone as short as you ever find someone to marry you??"

😂Class rant Oaf

Years ago, while idling gormlessy at the supermarket conveyor belt, this happened to the woman just ahead of me.

The cashier remarked - "Aren't you TINY!" in warm but over-sugary, patronising tone.
The woman - a doughty character in maybe her 80's, ie decades of practice under her belt, was amazing.
She absolutely beamed at the cashier guy, fixed him full in the eye, aped his sugary tone & just said - "I know!"
She kept up the grin of one who has not only scored a well-earned point, but has the vocal skills to deliver base notes of sarcasm underneath faux-sugar, all the way out of the building.

It was seriously impressive. I SO wanted to be like her when I grew up. 😍

Totally understand this. Don't want to out myself but my mil does this. She has a family member who has struggled with relationships (has had some real lovely partners...not!) and is now settled with a really lovely guy. Treats her like a queen. Mil mentions a physical feature of his at every single mention of him. Its not a noticeable feature in my opinion and even if it was so what! Its like she thinks relative should ditch him because he's slightly less than what she thinks is perfect 🤦🏼‍♀️

Its just the way some people are. I don’t think there’s any malice behind it or that you can change it.

I’m 4’ 11” but being a couple of stone overweight seems to stop people describing me as ‘tiny’ or ‘small’. They do ask me if I’m pregnant quite a lot though 😡 Be thankful your mum doesn’t do that.

"Why do people insist on telling people things there is literally 0% probability they don't already know?"

OTOH why do you get a very obvious tattoo that is quite unusual and expect people not to remark on it?

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet tell me to piss off if it's a pain in the arse but is there any chance of a link to your Gameshow thread please?

Because 😂

Some people are just always inclined to comment on other people's bodies. I have no idea why they do it, but they just do.

I have a friend, who is far from the svelte creature she once was, who always manages to make a remark about the size of my breasts (large). I hate it. I would never comment about hers.

Last time I saw her I asked her not to do it. In my head when I did that she'd always apologised. Not in reality, though, because she merely asked 'why?'

He lived on Old Moor Road near the newsagents and he had a sister who who made her first communion with your cousin Katherine …

It's like listening to a police statement

😂😂😂Slainte @DuplicateUserName !

😂🍻

Count yourself lucky. My mum likes to point out how awful some brides look and how ugly some babies are. All people she knows too

WTF?

I can relate to this in a way OP but with different parameters. My parents were raging snobs and their reaction was sort of like this but based on people's class/jobs.

A typical conversation would go like this:

Mum: "We're having dinner on Saturday with Bob and Jane"
Me: "Who are they again?"
Mum: "He's a consultant surgeon, she's an anthropologist."
Me: "I didn't need their CVs."

This would always spark off an argument where they would accuse me of being awkward and rude but I loathed the way a person is entirely summed up by how they make a living. It assumes that their only value derives from this and by implication that people without "interesting" jobs are automatically without value.

I still find it hugely triggering when people do this.

It's always nauseating to define/categorise people purely on one narrow category of their lives, whether its their job, their appearance, what sort of house they live in. Yes sometimes its hard to find a useful shorthand but it does betray a very narrow scope of value.

Ah, is this you posting under a different username today?

Think I prefer your dobbelganger, tbh. They brought an element of flair.

It is probably that this is mostly what she knows about her at this stage, after meeting her once. Not unusual to make small talk and find out where people grew up. She doesn't know her well enough to give you an in-depth assessment of her personality and compatibility with your sibling so she is giving you superficial information that she took in at a first meeting.

Not sure why you are on about blackpill as if it bears any relevance but yeah your theory MUST be correct David.

Because obviously short men are no longer reproducing, & that's why we never see any short men at all in the world now.* Ever.

AND THAT IS ALL WOMEN'S FAULT. What with their nasty core beings & all.

• I believe there may still be a few tucked away in an endangered species park somewhere outside Swindon, but when I rang TicketMaster to book, they told me to fuck off as my womb is out of date.

It’s literally the first thing people notice. Ive always been the tall girl (or lady now 😓) and you just go with it

(I also have a very common name so was always ‘tall xxxx’ to differentiate me from others with my name)

My mum always comments on people’s size - usually “she’s a big fat woman “ or similar

My mum is the same. Perhaps worse, as she'll comment on STRANGERS body sizes/fashion choices that she passes in the street. She THINKS she's saying it quietly, but in fact rarely is. It's quite annoying, not to mention rude, but she'll never change.
A generational thing perhaps? My mum is late 60s.

My mum does the thing: "he's a black gentleman, of course, but so nice..."

I bite my tongue, She's 80, South African, and thinks she is being terrible correct and liberal...

DS is the same and it is even worse for adult men. I used to worry so much about how bitchy people can be about short men but he now has the nicest girlfriend ever which has (rightly or wrongly) made me stop worrying for now.