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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite godmother's partner to DS christening?

117 replies

Dahlia5 · 20/12/2022 10:59

Planning to organise DS christening early in the new year.

My friend (who agreed to be a godmother) lives about 5h train journey from me and has had a partner/boyfriend for about a year now (they don't live together). I haven't met him yet, but she's been giving me hints that it will be good if we all meet next time she visits us. The next time we're going to see each other will be at christening.

We want to keep the guest list to the minimum.
AIBU to not invite him?

OP posts:
SlashBeef · 20/12/2022 11:01

I think yabu. It's not like she's only known him a few weeks.

BIWI · 20/12/2022 11:01

Of course YABU!

DownToTheSeaAgain · 20/12/2022 11:02

You'd invite him if they were married so why not when they are in a non fleeting relationship?

CaptainMyCaptain · 20/12/2022 11:03

YABU.

Coraline353 · 20/12/2022 11:03

I think that you're inviting her to be a significant person in your DS' life so it would be extremely rude not to invite her partner.

Haydugee · 20/12/2022 11:04

I think you should invite him.

If she is going to be a big part of your DC’s life, any partner of hers will be too.

NoDairyNoProblem · 20/12/2022 11:04

It’s quite rude to not invite him.

Ihaveamagicwand · 20/12/2022 11:05

Be company for her on the 10yrs she’s going to spend on the train to come to your child’s baptism.

Ihaveamagicwand · 20/12/2022 11:05

Hours not years!!!

Womencanlift · 20/12/2022 11:05

I have heard of “no ring, no bring” for a wedding but not for a christening. YABU OP.

If you trust this person to be your child’s godparent, then surely you choose for their partner to also be in your child’s life?

B1993 · 20/12/2022 11:05

Yes, YABU.

Jingleoverthatway · 20/12/2022 11:05

Of course you should invite him. She's not asking for you to make him a godfather!

AngelontopoftheTree · 20/12/2022 11:06

YABU
It's a perfect opportunity to meet him.

Spikeyball · 20/12/2022 11:06

Yabu. I would expect godparents partners to be invited.

Justcallmebebes · 20/12/2022 11:06

I agree, really rude not to and if I were the god mother, I think I would be reconsidering my relationship with you. It's her boyfriend of over a year, not a couple of weeks

Original poster
Dahlia5 · 20/12/2022 11:06

Even that I asked her to be a godmother when she was still single? And I haven't even met the guy?
We literally have invited only a few people and really want to keep this as small as possible with only the closest ones.

OP posts:
RockingMyFiftiesNot · 20/12/2022 11:08

Sorry it would be very wrong to not invite her boyfriend of a year. If I were her, I'd be having second thoughts about a 10 hour+ round journey to be Godmother when the parents didn't invite my partner.

drpet49 · 20/12/2022 11:08

As the event is very small and only closest people have been invited I wouldn’t invite him either

Womencanlift · 20/12/2022 11:09

You can’t be that close then if you haven’t met a close friends partner after a year. And if you say it’s because of distance or things got in the way then are they really close enough to be your child’s godparent?

Or are you having a godparent and christening just because it’s the done thing/party and not actually for the spiritual reason that it was originally for

AdInfinitum12 · 20/12/2022 11:09

Dahlia5 · 20/12/2022 11:06

Even that I asked her to be a godmother when she was still single? And I haven't even met the guy?
We literally have invited only a few people and really want to keep this as small as possible with only the closest ones.

Why? It's a christening. The chances are you won't even be the only ones having a child christened at the same time, so why does it matter if a close friends boyfriend is there? Assuming it's a church you'll potentially end up with anyone from the congregation going, it's not a closed shop type deal.

user88362625 · 20/12/2022 11:11

YABU

1 - the fact you asked her when she was single has absolutely 0 effect on her bringing him now. Your not asking him to be god father.

2 - if she's that important you've asked her to he god mother but you can't allow her to bring her partner (of a year) that's just rude.

Are you worried about feeding another head if trying to keep it small ?

I would get it if they had been together a month but not a year! They're a couple after all.

Spikeyball · 20/12/2022 11:11

Are the other godparents also being told no partner?

SarahAndQuack · 20/12/2022 11:11

I think it's odd not to invite him - surely Christenings can't be kept to a specific size? IME they happen in the middle of a regular church service so you have whoever decided to shop up to church that day, plus anyone you've invited as the parents. It's a perfect opportunity to meet him in a fairly informal way.

If you're doing a meal or drinks or something after the Christening, I see why you might want to keep it small, but IMO if someone is travelling a long way, it's very understandable they might want company. I'd suck it up.

Gwenhwyfar · 20/12/2022 11:12

"Or are you having a godparent and christening just because it’s the done thing/party and not actually for the spiritual reason that it was originally for"

It's up to her why she has a godparent isn't it.

CornishGem1975 · 20/12/2022 11:12

YABU. He's an established boyfriend. I was living with mine after less time. Take it as a great opportunity to meet him, if you're that close you want her to be godmother and therefore expect her to be in your child's life permanently it seems a bit off not to. And honestly, you can probably plump another £5 for a sausage roll and a cheese sarnie.