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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not invite godmother's partner to DS christening?

117 replies

Dahlia5 · 20/12/2022 10:59

Planning to organise DS christening early in the new year.

My friend (who agreed to be a godmother) lives about 5h train journey from me and has had a partner/boyfriend for about a year now (they don't live together). I haven't met him yet, but she's been giving me hints that it will be good if we all meet next time she visits us. The next time we're going to see each other will be at christening.

We want to keep the guest list to the minimum.
AIBU to not invite him?

OP posts:

Cas112 · 20/12/2022 14:45

YABU

Tomatoblush · 20/12/2022 14:55

You are being unreasonable and very selfish.

Dishwashersaurous · 20/12/2022 14:59

If you live a 5hour train journey from each other then you can't just pop in. How are you going to get to know him unless he comes and stays etc

FleasNavidad · 20/12/2022 15:36

Awful. Stop being so precious, it's not baby Jesus ffs

Original poster

Dahlia5 · 20/12/2022 16:03

Ok, I can see a point now how it could be wrong not to invite him, and I'm going to let her know that he's welcome to attend.

Just to clarify a few things that were queried:
She has been my closest friend for many years and we used to live 5 min walk from each other. Then some time ago I relocated to the other end of the country, but we still would visit each other and be in touch frequently.

Regarding me questioning if she still should be a godmother. It's not because she's not single anymore. It's about how her attitude towards us changed.

When I asked her to be the godmother she was absolutely delighted and said she had hoped I ask her.
I completely understand that her life has changed etc and I don't expect her to do anything extraordinary, but surely being the godparent requires a little effort to bond with the godchild. Ever since she got into relationship she didn't bother to get much in touch much about anything or even acknowledge the little one's first birthday by sending a card or a text, even though she knew the date as it's a few days apart from her own birthday. That just makes me wonder if she still wants to be a part of our lives, as I can't see any initiative from her, it's always me suggesting meeting up (she's now always too busy) or just messaging to ask how she is etc.
And no, I'm not the one of those who just want to talk about DC and put them in the centre of attention. I'm thrilled for her that she's happy, and I want to meet her partner. Just thought that this occasion may not be the most suitable, as for the first time I'd rather meet in casual setting (and maybe without DS) than when being busy on the day and looking after the toddler at the same time.

OP posts:

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 20/12/2022 16:14

Have you made the effort to meet her partner?

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 20/12/2022 16:25

But why the need to meet her partner in a casual setting? That opportunity hasn’t arisen but the perfect opportunity has now presented itself. Your update isn’t too unreasonable and maybe you are reading her right in which case it’s a shame she’s about to become a godparent but some of the rules and assumptions you’re imposing also sound a little odd.

NinjaWarriorCooker · 20/12/2022 18:31

You’ve completely changed the story and question from should I invite her boyfriend, to she doesn’t bother enough anymore that’s why I’m questioning her being GM.

What had your latest post got to do with her bringing her boyfriend?

You’ve moved five hours away, of course things are going to change. She’s got a boyfriend, of course things are going to change?

if she’s not sent a text or card for first birthday, why not mention it to her, but what had this got to do with you not inviting her boyfriend?

Blinki · 20/12/2022 18:34

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

allboysherebutme · 20/12/2022 23:30

I think you are being very unreasonable, it's one more person, it will make your friend happy and be company for her on her journey ect. It would not be a very nice thing to do. X

allboysherebutme · 20/12/2022 23:34

They can stay in a premier inn or something haven't got to stay with you. X

EasterIsland · 21/12/2022 04:37

YABU. And pretty rude really.

qpmz · 21/12/2022 04:46

If she's such a close friend that you've asked her to be godmother then surely you'd be excited to meet the man in her life? Especially if she's 5 hours away and you might not see them for a while. This is odd to me.

neighboursmustliveon · 21/12/2022 05:27

Dahlia5 · 20/12/2022 11:06

Even that I asked her to be a godmother when she was still single? And I haven't even met the guy?
We literally have invited only a few people and really want to keep this as small as possible with only the closest ones.

So if she had been in a couple you wouldn't have asked her so you can keep the guest list small? 😂

YABU and rude not to invite a partner of a year anyway but to someone with such an important role in the day and your dc life?!

silentpool · 21/12/2022 05:50

Sure, don't invite him, if you aren't concerned about upsetting her!

I would however try to get as many photos as possible without him in them or standing on the edge, just in case 😂

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 21/12/2022 08:53

I think actually it is for the best you do bring him. Realistically if this woman is godmother and they end up married or living together or something then he will be in your childs life anyway so best you get to know him now.

NoelNoNoel · 21/12/2022 16:11

OP I think you need to ask yourself what would Jesus do in this situation?

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