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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP Stag

108 replies

DementedGrace · 19/12/2022 11:49

Hello MN's

I have been with my lovely DP for 1 year. We plan to spend the rest of our lives together. We have both been married previously and know exactly what we want from life, a relationship and each other.

DP has not made it a secret to friends that he loves me, wants to marry me, says I am the one. It's all very sweet. He called me up drunk at his Christmas night out at the weekend to tell me that all his friends were asking when his stag would be. He said as a joke, they mentioned Las Vegas or Bangkok. I ultimately got a bit annoyed and said I would not be happy with Bangkok - he agreed and said he said no to both, that he isnt going that far away for a few nights.

We then got chatting about his past stag do and he said he had two and would like two again this time around - one in the UK and one abroad. I asked where he had his last stags and he said Newcastle or Manchester (for the races then a night out - I cant remember exactly) and then Riga in Latvia.

I asked if there was strippers / strip clubs and he said no, he said there was lots of drinking and there was two days they didnt leave the hotel as it was freezing and they just drank. He said it was a very tame stag. I then expressed how uncomfortable I was with Bangkok and googled that with "mumsnet" at the end to see if I was in the wrong. I then started reading, jokingly, a thread to him where a woman was unhappy her DP (who in the end didnt go!) going to Thailand for a stag. He couldnt stop laughing, kept tickling me and said it was a stupid comment made in relation to the hangover movies!

He said he wouldnt be going to either location for a stag, it was only a joke. He then assured me there would be no strippers / hookers / prostites at his stag, ever.

I am a bit miffed why he needs two stags and why one has to be abroad. Not happy with his friends suggesting Thailand either. I said there would be no wedding if it was to take place in Thailand.

AIBU?

OP posts:
IamnotSethRogan · 19/12/2022 11:51

What a load of fuss about nothing

TallulahBetty · 19/12/2022 11:52

So he's not even going? And you don't even seem to be engaged? What did I just read

Lcb123 · 19/12/2022 11:53

If he is paying from his own money I wouldn’t care. His choice, he is an adult.

Lcb123 · 19/12/2022 11:53

Also isn’t it a joke and as PP said you’re not actually engaged.

JorisBonson · 19/12/2022 11:53

IamnotSethRogan · 19/12/2022 11:51

What a load of fuss about nothing

This.

lynthesearesexpeople · 19/12/2022 11:54

Yeah, there’s only one reason a stag party goes to Riga. It’s not to stay in a hotel and drink. He’s pulling your leg on that one.

I had a friend once who’s husband insisted his stag do was In Amsterdam for the architecture. She believed it.

Moonshine74 · 19/12/2022 11:54

I think this is the biggest non issue I have ever read on Mumsnet...

Shoxfordian · 19/12/2022 11:54

Yabu
Do you think he’s more likely to cheat in Thailand? Why are you even marrying someone you don’t trust?

AngelontopoftheTree · 19/12/2022 11:55

TallulahBetty · 19/12/2022 11:52

So he's not even going? And you don't even seem to be engaged? What did I just read

Thank god it's not just me!!

DementedGrace · 19/12/2022 11:56

But why go to Riga? I dont want to be with someone who has been to, and may go to, somewhere sleezy for a stag - his values dont match

OP posts:
Tittyfilarious81 · 19/12/2022 11:56

So you aren't engaged yet and this is all hypothetical and it's making you miffed

DuplicateUserName · 19/12/2022 11:56

You've been together 12 months, slow down!

As for Bangkok it's beautiful. If you're unhappy with the idea of him going on his stag there, that's nothing to do with Bangkok and everything to do with you planning to marry a man you can't trust.

Pothoswithasparkle · 19/12/2022 11:56

I don't think there will be wedding either way unfortunately

whattodo1975 · 19/12/2022 11:56

What would you like his Stag Do to be ?

Pothoswithasparkle · 19/12/2022 11:57

DementedGrace · 19/12/2022 11:56

But why go to Riga? I dont want to be with someone who has been to, and may go to, somewhere sleezy for a stag - his values dont match

How to offend a nation in one post...

LegoLady95 · 19/12/2022 11:57

If he can afford it what is the issue? Do you not trust him? Why not start planning your hen (assuming you want one) and let him get on with it?

JorisBonson · 19/12/2022 11:57

DementedGrace · 19/12/2022 11:56

But why go to Riga? I dont want to be with someone who has been to, and may go to, somewhere sleezy for a stag - his values dont match

What are you worried about? Other women? Strip clubs?

These are in every town and city in the world. Would you be happier if he went to say Doncaster?

Bunda · 19/12/2022 11:58

DementedGrace · 19/12/2022 11:56

But why go to Riga? I dont want to be with someone who has been to, and may go to, somewhere sleezy for a stag - his values dont match

A whole place can't be sleazy. If anything, all fingers are pointing to you thinking he is sleazy. Not sure you're ready for marriage.

Womencanlift · 19/12/2022 11:58

DementedGrace · 19/12/2022 11:56

But why go to Riga? I dont want to be with someone who has been to, and may go to, somewhere sleezy for a stag - his values dont match

Because he has already been there and there is a big world of other places 🤷‍♀️

As others have said it’s his stag (well it will be IF you ever actually get engaged and plan a wedding) and his money that’s paying for it so up to him really. Although I would prefer Vegas to Bangkok personally, not for my DP but for me, but really it’s none of my business where my DP goes on holiday

Stressedmum2017 · 19/12/2022 11:58

He can literally shag a brass or go to a strip club anywhere. He's either going to do it or he's not. I've been to loads of places in Eastern Europe and Amsterdam multiple times and managed not to get involved in the sex trade. Sounds like you don't trust him not to though.

Username6194 · 19/12/2022 11:59

You are miffed about a hypothetical stag, for a hypothetical marriage with a man you have been with for 12 months.

Right......

Pothoswithasparkle · 19/12/2022 11:59

I am thinking we are being had

DumpIing · 19/12/2022 12:00

You’re upset because your boyfriend had a drunken conversation with his friends about where they’d like to go on holiday?

This is actually quite sad.

You’re not engaged. You’ve only been together a short while. Second marriages have a higher chance of ending in divorce. You should take your time.

Alexandernevermind · 19/12/2022 12:00

I think its important that you put down your expectations of each other now, before you commit, buy rings, book churches etc, so I disagree with others that you are fussing about nothing.
If strip clubs etc are a deal breaker for you, then its best he knows now before you commit. Everything such as finances, children, family, jobs, home should be bashed out before a wedding is planned.

DementedGrace · 19/12/2022 12:01

Its not on holiday its a stag weekend.

OP posts:
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