DP Stag

[DementedGrace]

Hello MN's

I have been with my lovely DP for 1 year. We plan to spend the rest of our lives together. We have both been married previously and know exactly what we want from life, a relationship and each other.

DP has not made it a secret to friends that he loves me, wants to marry me, says I am the one. It's all very sweet. He called me up drunk at his Christmas night out at the weekend to tell me that all his friends were asking when his stag would be. He said as a joke, they mentioned Las Vegas or Bangkok. I ultimately got a bit annoyed and said I would not be happy with Bangkok - he agreed and said he said no to both, that he isnt going that far away for a few nights.

We then got chatting about his past stag do and he said he had two and would like two again this time around - one in the UK and one abroad. I asked where he had his last stags and he said Newcastle or Manchester (for the races then a night out - I cant remember exactly) and then Riga in Latvia.

I asked if there was strippers / strip clubs and he said no, he said there was lots of drinking and there was two days they didnt leave the hotel as it was freezing and they just drank. He said it was a very tame stag. I then expressed how uncomfortable I was with Bangkok and googled that with "mumsnet" at the end to see if I was in the wrong. I then started reading, jokingly, a thread to him where a woman was unhappy her DP (who in the end didnt go!) going to Thailand for a stag. He couldnt stop laughing, kept tickling me and said it was a stupid comment made in relation to the hangover movies!

He said he wouldnt be going to either location for a stag, it was only a joke. He then assured me there would be no strippers / hookers / prostites at his stag, ever.

I am a bit miffed why he needs two stags and why one has to be abroad. Not happy with his friends suggesting Thailand either. I said there would be no wedding if it was to take place in Thailand.

AIBU?

Call it off, call it all off now. Dump him. If he can't respect your hypothetical boundaries to his hypothetical stag then tell him to stick his hypothetical engagement ring up his arse.

Dodged a bullet there! Better you know these things now

But he’s said he wouldn’t go to any strip clubs OP. What more do you need? You sound demented sorry.

Stag and Hen nights/weekends/weeks are a ridiculous waste of money regardless of where you go.
Having a 3rd and 4th when you've had 2 already is just stupid.
Even pretend ones 🤷‍♀️

Anything behind borders of Findland, Germany and Austria are "proper seedy filth", yet the most famous brothels are in Germany. But i would bet my trousers that going to Cologne would not cause such hissy fits like going further east😂
Or Zurich? With Switzerland having legalised prostitution. Austria?
Nah, it's just the east that's filth 🙄

Nice sockpuppeting here btw!

Bin him off. No need for two stag dos either, especially as it's second time round

Get a grip 😂

Oh stop making excuses for the OP.

She's a woman who's decided to marry a man who's paid women to dance for him on more than one occasion.

She's happy to marry a man like that as long as he doesn't do it now she's with him.

Double standards.

You are hard work. Give over.

I mean you either trust him or you don't. I know people who have done stuff with prostitutes in Bangkok and Vegas so I don't think one is more dodgy than the other...and in Bangkok there are more cultural sites to see as well.

However I personally wouldn't have that much in common with someone who thought it was ok to ask their friends to go on two separate weekends away, one abroad, to celebrate their second wedding. Or someone who has paid for private dances in the past.

Overall it's a bit odd to make Bangkok your deal breaker. Surely there is just as much opportunity in Amsterdam. Or Blackpool or whatever

What a bizarre post. Stressing about a stag do when you've been together only 12 months and aren't even engaged!
You need to chill out a bit!

Is this a joke OP? This is a relatively short term relationship and you're not even engaged. This is total madness.

Jesus christ, you aren’t even engaged! And probably won’t be if you carry on like this. I can’t believe you started interrogating him about a hypothetical stag do when he was drunk on a works night out. Wow!

What a ridiculous fuss over nothing.

You sound really controlling tbh 😂 and your stressing about something that’s not even planned yet and might never happen

why can’t he go to Bangkok if he wants? Why are you deciding where he can and can’t go - he’s an adult.

A cream tea by the sound of things!

You’re being a little ridiculous OP.

You’re not even engaged, you’re calling a whole capital sleazy and it doesn’t sound like you trust your future fiancé / husband!

Mine went to Prague with a few friends and didn’t go to a strip club. I decided to go to London for mine. It doesn’t matter if my (now) husband went to Prague or Birmingham if he was going to go strip clubs or cheat on me he’d do it at either place. I trust him and it didn’t bother me either way.

If strip clubs are a big dealbreaker for you then I’d ask partner not to go and then if you trust him and he respects you it’s no issue! But I mean, maybe wait until you’re engaged before you keep fussing about it

What have you got lined up for your Hen Do out of interest ?

You’re not even engaged yet and you’re annoyed at something his friends suggested and he said no to.

I've been with my husband decades now and in that time he's been to stag do's all over from Vegas to Vienna, and Belfast to Bognor he could have got up to all sorts wherever he went and I would have no idea but I've never given it a seconds thought because I love and TRUST HIM.

If you can't say the same OP im not sure he is the right person for you even though you aren't even engaged and only been together ten minutes

Wherever he goes he'll be able to access strip clubs, prostitutes etc (unless he's on top of a mountain in Scotland or something). All towns and cities have strip clubs and prostitutes. It's up to him whether he's planning to have that kind of stag do. You have to decide whether you trust him. If you don't you'll be worrying every single time he goes out with friends or goes away with work.

I’ve never seen a post so ridiculous and then descend into being hideously offensive in one go.

You’re not even engaged, and I hope for his sake it never gets that far.

Riga has a lot of very cheap pubs, clubs and activity centres set up for stag do’s. It’s one of the top destinations on lots of the stag tour companies for these reasons alone.

You are being incredibly immature and unreasonable

How can you tickle someone down the phone?

Well you are jumping the gun a bit as you're not even engaged yet.
But like the supportive pp's have said you do need to sit down & have a talk about the important stuff like shared values, what you both expect from the marriage & of course both of your boundary lines.

As some pp's say yes stag dos can go anywhere in the world & all the men behave but then again stag dos can go anywhere in the world & half or all the men misbehave.
The same goes for women & hen dos too.

Personally I wouldn't be keen on Bangkok because even though I trust my partner the seediness & child abuse that goes on there is unbelievable.

And you are not controlling or not being unreasonable.
However YABU for posting this in the gladiator pit of AIBU instead of Relationships

Got half way through the fed and couldn’t be bothered to read the rest. Why are so many women on here trying to tell the OP what to do here? She isn’t being controlling, she’s saying she has boundaries and she’s not interested in a man who wants to do these things. That’s well within her right. He can go off and see strippers if he wants — as a single man.

*thread