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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP Stag

108 replies

DementedGrace · 19/12/2022 11:49

Hello MN's

I have been with my lovely DP for 1 year. We plan to spend the rest of our lives together. We have both been married previously and know exactly what we want from life, a relationship and each other.

DP has not made it a secret to friends that he loves me, wants to marry me, says I am the one. It's all very sweet. He called me up drunk at his Christmas night out at the weekend to tell me that all his friends were asking when his stag would be. He said as a joke, they mentioned Las Vegas or Bangkok. I ultimately got a bit annoyed and said I would not be happy with Bangkok - he agreed and said he said no to both, that he isnt going that far away for a few nights.

We then got chatting about his past stag do and he said he had two and would like two again this time around - one in the UK and one abroad. I asked where he had his last stags and he said Newcastle or Manchester (for the races then a night out - I cant remember exactly) and then Riga in Latvia.

I asked if there was strippers / strip clubs and he said no, he said there was lots of drinking and there was two days they didnt leave the hotel as it was freezing and they just drank. He said it was a very tame stag. I then expressed how uncomfortable I was with Bangkok and googled that with "mumsnet" at the end to see if I was in the wrong. I then started reading, jokingly, a thread to him where a woman was unhappy her DP (who in the end didnt go!) going to Thailand for a stag. He couldnt stop laughing, kept tickling me and said it was a stupid comment made in relation to the hangover movies!

He said he wouldnt be going to either location for a stag, it was only a joke. He then assured me there would be no strippers / hookers / prostites at his stag, ever.

I am a bit miffed why he needs two stags and why one has to be abroad. Not happy with his friends suggesting Thailand either. I said there would be no wedding if it was to take place in Thailand.

AIBU?

OP posts:
DrMarciaFieldstone · 19/12/2022 12:01

If he’s smart he won’t marry someone who wants to control him

DNAshelicase · 19/12/2022 12:01

Hysterical fuss over nothing. Spot on username OP, you do seem quite demented 😂

JorisBonson · 19/12/2022 12:02

DementedGrace · 19/12/2022 12:01

Its not on holiday its a stag weekend.

And?

Anewhoo · 19/12/2022 12:03

Wow, xenophobic and controlling - no wonder this is an ‘imaginary’ stag do!!

TurtleTriplets · 19/12/2022 12:04

You aren't even engaged and he was joking about with his mates, not booking an actual stag weekend.

I can't believe you have actually caused a row over what he said as a jokey throw away comment about a non existent stag do!

DuplicateUserName · 19/12/2022 12:04

I can't stop laughing at the thought of the OP reading Mumsnet threads to the bloke, when he's pissed on a night out 😂😂😂

Justmuddlingalong · 19/12/2022 12:04

Trouble in paradise.

OhILoveDoughnuts · 19/12/2022 12:06

DrMarciaFieldstone · 19/12/2022 12:01

If he’s smart he won’t marry someone who wants to control him

This 😂

DementedGrace · 19/12/2022 12:08

DuplicateUserName · 19/12/2022 12:04

I can't stop laughing at the thought of the OP reading Mumsnet threads to the bloke, when he's pissed on a night out 😂😂😂

I love Mumsnet - The thread "To be annoyed DH wants to go on a Stag do to Thailand" was a fab read :)

Oh youre all right I am being ridiculous!! I will be shot down for this but Strip Clubs are a BIG dealbreaker for me. I'd even end the relationship if he went to one. He has a few times in the past been to ones and even paid for dances, which make me uncomfrotable but I know that is his past and I shouldnt judge but I cant help it!!

OP posts:
Greybutterfly · 19/12/2022 12:09

Honestly don’t worry … I don’t foresee a stag do anytime in the near future. This is beyond controlling and he is going to run. It is actually amusing that you are getting worked up over an imaginary stag do.

For the record me and DP went on a romantic weekend to Riga and it is a beautiful city. Bangkok is also one of the most culturally diverse cities in the world.

susiesuelou · 19/12/2022 12:12

I've read the OP twice and I'm still not sure what the issue is...... Confused

Legallypinkish · 19/12/2022 12:13

You’ve been together a year and already you’re dictating what he can and can’t do. If you don’t trust him to go somewhere then the relationship is doomed. I’ve been to loads of hen nights abroad with friends over the years, had holidays with my friends. My husband wouldn’t bat an eyelid or think I would get up to no good as he knows I wouldn’t. I’d be the same if he wanted to go away with his friends. We’ve been married almost 30 years . We wouldn’t have lasted this long if there had been any jealousy or distrust.

elm26 · 19/12/2022 12:14

DrMarciaFieldstone · 19/12/2022 12:01

If he’s smart he won’t marry someone who wants to control him

This!

5128gap · 19/12/2022 12:16

DementedGrace · 19/12/2022 11:56

But why go to Riga? I dont want to be with someone who has been to, and may go to, somewhere sleezy for a stag - his values dont match

So tell him. Stop with all the speculating and skirting round and applying other people's views and experiences and have a conversation with the man you intend to marry.
Tell him you think two stags are unnecessary because (insert your reason)
Tell him going to strip clubs would be a deal breaker for you because (insert your reason)
Ask him if he still wants to go ahead on those (non negotiable) terms.

WhenDovesFly · 19/12/2022 12:19

OP, you're getting way too ahead of yourself. Your username seems quite appropriate!

FuriousCheekyFucker · 19/12/2022 12:22

Can't believe - despite the OP mentioning it in the text - nobody else has picked up on the fact that this is actually the script for the Hangover films.

Let him go, they'll meet Mike Tyson, get facial tattoos, get hysterically mixed up in drug deals, you can sell the rights to the film.

DuplicateUserName · 19/12/2022 12:23

I will be shot down for this but Strip Clubs are a BIG dealbreaker for me.

Shot down? On Mumsnet?

You're hilarious 😂

ilovesooty · 19/12/2022 12:23

Perhaps you should sit down together and compile a list of all the unacceptable cities he might want to visit for a stag do in the case of a hypothetical wedding being arranged. It could pass the time during the Christmas break.

Devoutspoken · 19/12/2022 12:25

Well I guess he's showing his true colours

DuplicateUserName · 19/12/2022 12:26

Also, if it's such a dealbreaker, why do you want to marry a man who's paid women to dance for him?

Or are you going to chaaange him, cos he loves you now innit?

DuploMum · 19/12/2022 12:26

Hahahahaaha you're living up to your name here 🙃

girlmom21 · 19/12/2022 12:27

Devoutspoken · 19/12/2022 12:25

Well I guess he's showing his true colours

What true colours? He's literally done nothing wrong.

I'd be more concerned that OP's showing hers.

susiesuelou · 19/12/2022 12:28

ilovesooty · 19/12/2022 12:23

Perhaps you should sit down together and compile a list of all the unacceptable cities he might want to visit for a stag do in the case of a hypothetical wedding being arranged. It could pass the time during the Christmas break.

😂

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/12/2022 12:29

He won’t marry you if you carry on like this. Chill out. Seriously.

Hintofreality · 19/12/2022 12:30

You are getting worked up over a hypothetical event that definitely won’t ever happen if you carry on behaving this way. Get a grip!