To never go to my partner's for Christmas

[Volumous]

I've avoided going to DP's family Christmas for several years now, but his mum appears to be getting offended that I don't go, and keeps asking DP why or making little comments about it.

The reason why is that I find it extremely overwhelming and uncomfortable. They're a welcoming family and we all get on well, but I find it difficult. I don't have any warm, fuzzy, excited feelings towards Christmas because I grew up in a dysfunctional household where Christmas was mostly spent treading on eggshells. DPs family are very close, and on Xmas day there will be 10 members of extended family at his parents' house all day, followed by the same people and more over to his aunt's house on Boxing Day. Lots of competitive games involved, drinking, family banter, etc. I have to pretend to be happy and love Christmas for 2-3 days solid. It's probably weird I know, but I just don't like it. I don't drink, and just want to sit by the fire and read or paint and be quiet and cosy on my days off!

DP's parents are quite old fashioned and judgemental and believe people should be present for the sake of social etiquette. But aibu to not go?

In your husband's position, I and every introvert I know, would actively encourage you to visit your sister/family for a few days and reassure you we would be absolutely fine on our own with our own space, timetable and company.

The difference is that DH wouldn't want to spend Christmas on his own, so every year he gets the Christmas he wants, and we don't.

The one time we did manage to have Christmas with my sister and her family we stayed at a Premier Inn, but it meant that I had to drive everywhere as there is nowhere withing walking distance with accommodation that is open at that time of year. (DH has memory and processing issues and can't cope with driving anywhere unfamiliar even with a satnav, so I have to drive)

@RampantIvy

Oh, that does sound like a rubbish time for you and your daughter.

It's certainly unfair that one partner always gets to impose their choice of Christmas on the entire family when there are clearly differing needs. That applies whether it's intro- or extrovert consistently getting their own way.

Hopefully, you can discuss this with him frankly and help him see the unfairness of this, not only on you but also your daughter.

Good luck!!

I signed up just to come here and say you're not being unreasonable. If Christmas is not a thing for you, for whatever reason, others shouldn't try to force it on you. I'm very frustrated by all the advice that boils down to "don't be traumatized" as well.

I've spent my entire life dealing with this, because people just don't understand if you don't like or don't celebrate Christmas. I won't rant too much, but if you don't want to celebrate or don't want to celebrate the same way they do, don't let them pressure you to do so just because it fits their world view.