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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sorry Xenia...

588 replies

duchesse · 02/02/2008 16:58

...for starting that thread when I didn't believe you existed (and I genuinely didn't). I've done some proper research now, and realise that you are real person with fantastic real achievement. I apologise unreservedly for my previous thread, which was genuinely not designed to get at you since I did not believe you existed. I am aghast and incredibly impressed at how much you have achieved, and look forward to sparring with you again some time...

OP posts:
hercules1 · 02/02/2008 18:30

Actually, I noticed there was no full stop either....

TheFallenMadonna · 02/02/2008 18:30

It's got nothing to do with any particular poster.

It's got everything to do with informing someone that you have used the snippets they have posted about their life to find out more about them than they have chosen to share. Which I think would be rather disconcerting.

Google if you must I suppose, but informing someone (who is presumably aware of their existence) that you are satisfied that they are "real" is self indulgent.

hercules1 · 02/02/2008 18:32

OP realises that know though as it's been said. That's what happens here, it self moderates. I think Duchesse should be given a break now and I was someone who disagreed with her.

hercules1 · 02/02/2008 18:33

sorry 'now' not 'know'

BaronessHardup · 02/02/2008 18:34

Agree with Hercules.
Hopefully both posts will be deleted.
And that will be an end to it.

BaronessHardup · 02/02/2008 18:35

Both threads.

Pan · 02/02/2008 18:35

Also, there was an exlamation mark missing, followed by a capital letter.

hercules1 · 02/02/2008 18:36

There was also a 'c' missing from exclamation.

yetanothername · 02/02/2008 18:36

No i didn't name change.

If you give out enough personal info then you will always run the risk of people discovering who you are. If you care then you just don't give out that info, or you can change names.

My point wasn't just about defending the strong, it was made as a whole point where the weak are never defended so well. It's a dog eat dog world here, but I just don't see why I should jump on the bandwagon. If you're going to play that big girls can defend themselves then you let the big girls defend themselves.

tictacto · 02/02/2008 18:37

What? people have been researching into a Mumnetter's real identity?

WTF would they do that?

hercules1 · 02/02/2008 18:39

'big girls' - what does that mean? That it's okay to pick on them as they don't have feelings like the 'weak' ones?

yetanothername · 02/02/2008 18:41

No I didn't say it was okay to pick on them, just that if you subscribe to the mumsnet way then surely everyone is just as fair game as everyone else. But that's not the case is it, because like bullies you flock around the "strong".

hunkermunker · 02/02/2008 18:42

YAN, I don't agree with you.

I'm probably seen as a "strong" poster, but I've had people having a go at me in the past on here - in a bandwagon-leaping, "let's bash Hunker, she can take it" fashion.

Why shouldn't people post "er, hang on, that's not on" to my detractors if they think what's being said is unkind or untrue (or, as is usual - both!)?

yetanothername · 02/02/2008 18:43

A lot of you are pretty nasty really.

Why am I even here!

hercules1 · 02/02/2008 18:43

eh? I would have defended any poster who had a thread started in this way.

hunkermunker · 02/02/2008 18:43

Oh, a "bullies" allegation - seriously?!

Please, using a dictionary definition of "bullying" explain how this is the case here?

ComeOVeneer · 02/02/2008 18:44

YAN, noone is forcing you to be here.

karen999 · 02/02/2008 18:44

Agree with Yetanothername in that if people post personal info about themselves then they run the risk of their RL identity becoming known.....and I wonder how many of us (if we thought that there was a high profile celeb/whoever)posting on MN wouldn't try to find out who they were! I know I would because I am nosey......its a public forum and therefore posters who post strong opinions run the risk of becoming one of the 'intriguing'.....and some people may want to know more.....!!

And I think Duchesse should be given a break.

hercules1 · 02/02/2008 18:44

I've also had some very nasty comments thrown my way.

Lulumama · 02/02/2008 18:44

if this thread had been started about anyone else, my comments would have been the same.

hunkermunker · 02/02/2008 18:46

Karen, you're right - if people post personal stuff, others can find out who they are.

But posting that you've found out who someone is - that's just an etiquette failure, isn't it?

(Duchesse, I'm really not having a go at you - this is the wider debate wrt this)

hunkermunker · 02/02/2008 18:47

YAN, if it had been someone you perceive to be "weak", would it be OK if they were outed like this?

MoreSpamThanGlam · 02/02/2008 18:48

Spam desperately wants to disperse fight scene...

"Anyone for cake and wine?! Over here pver here!!!"

hercules1 · 02/02/2008 18:54

Yes, duchesse, as hunker says it's the wider issue now that's being discussed.

karen999 · 02/02/2008 18:55

Totally agree Hunkermunker. If I ever did find out someones RL identity I would keep it to myself. I would not start a thread about it because I believe that one of the advantages to forums like this is anonymity.

I applaud Duchesse for saying sorry and even though she mentioned that she had done some research does not mean that everyone else will.....unless you are nosey!

I actually was on a thread with Xenia last night for the first time and I posted something along the lines 'are you for real?' to which some posters stated that I must be new!! I actually believed that Xenia was winding things up.........I now know otherwise!!

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