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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sorry Xenia...

588 replies

duchesse · 02/02/2008 16:58

...for starting that thread when I didn't believe you existed (and I genuinely didn't). I've done some proper research now, and realise that you are real person with fantastic real achievement. I apologise unreservedly for my previous thread, which was genuinely not designed to get at you since I did not believe you existed. I am aghast and incredibly impressed at how much you have achieved, and look forward to sparring with you again some time...

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 04/02/2008 20:26

I can't believe the insults that are thrown at sahm's on mumsnet. It is mostly taken in good humour but now theres a post suggesting it is a form of prostitution?
What bullshit.
I am sick of these old-fashioned notions of what relationships are.

Pan · 04/02/2008 20:26

Well, I guess you could recruit gay husbands....

keeping men in cells.....steady Quattro IYSWIM

cocolepew · 04/02/2008 20:27

Multiple husbands. Imagine the farting going on

Quattrocento · 04/02/2008 20:28

Well-ventilated cells

manchita · 04/02/2008 20:55

Maybe a husband from each continent would be interesting

Judy1234 · 04/02/2008 22:03

You might have one on each continent where you as a successful woman have your own homes. Perhaps I can keep one on my island for use hen I'm out there. I suppose people do that have a lover in each place they're away on business, some people.

There are a few polyandrous tribes but they're quite rare. Usually it's where there's a shortage of men locally and often a wife will share two brothers.

pointydog · 04/02/2008 22:15

xenia, stop keeping this thread going just because you love the title

Judy1234 · 04/02/2008 22:18

I wouldn't post on it if no one else did.

pointydog · 04/02/2008 22:18

oo you fibber

MrsMattie · 04/02/2008 22:33

OK, let's not bullshit each other, then. I think you talk shite, Xenia. (See, no hiding behind fake smiles). I think women like you - privileged women who occupy the upper echelons of society - have a fucking cheek telling women like me how to live our lives. I think you have led a very sheltered existence, and personally, I not only disagree with 99% of what to say - I laugh in the face of it.

Piffle · 04/02/2008 22:36

Well Xenia's plan/s worked for her so of course she will defend and big it up as the right way.

Same as I'll tell you a whole lot about life, parenting and schooling that makes me the authority.

Just because someone got rich and successful, doe snot mean they are right.

Do what's right for you

MrsMattie · 04/02/2008 22:38

Sorry, I didn't mean that to sound quite as vicious as it came out (I can be foul mouthed -apologies!). But I do feel the sentiment of what I said very strongly, if that makes sense?

lennygrrl · 04/02/2008 22:40

Message withdrawn

lennygrrl · 04/02/2008 22:40

Message withdrawn

MrsMattie · 04/02/2008 22:41

I'm chilled, honestly :-) I just can't stand all this 'Let's celebrate that woman who curses all SAHMs and part time workers, in fact, anyone who is not her' malarkey. Puke.

lennygrrl · 04/02/2008 22:51

Message withdrawn

MrsMattie · 04/02/2008 23:04

I am successful in my career - extremely successful. I don't feel the need to 'succeed' in my family life, personally. I'm happy enough, my family are happy enough - that's all we need, surely? I don't apologise one bit for my stance on things. Why on earth should I? Xenia is not the onlky one who couldn't give a flying monkey's fuck what anyone thinks of her.

mrsruffallo · 04/02/2008 23:11

I agree MM- What is all this backslapping? I think her arguments are usually ill-thought out and offensive to sahm to say the least.
Xenia- don't mean to have a go at you, I actually enjoy debating with someone so radically different from myself, but this fawning is quite unbelievable.
lennygrrl- no has asked Xenia to apologise for her success! What a strange notion!

Judy1234 · 05/02/2008 07:25

It's amusing because I never saw the other thread anyway which was supposed to be a bit critical. I don't think I've ever said I was right about things or my life. How can anyone who is divorced ever say that? It's the most humbling experience there is surely? But I do think it's important we have more women in better jobs and if anyone is going to make career sacrifice it should be men for now as we are in historical terms still consolidating some gains which women really haven't had for very long and we don't want to lose it all now because there's a surge in women who'd rather serve at home than rule the nation. YOu only have to get on with this work thin for say 50 years and then we'll all be pretty much more equal and you can go and clean toilets if you really think that's the calling of women. So make that sacrifice for the good of your daughters today and go back to proper full time job in well paid area - don't settle for less.

MrsMattie · 05/02/2008 07:57

Over simplistic claptrap, Xenia, I'm sorry. If you think women who clean toilets / stay at home with their kids / aren't all out working 60 hour weeks are to blame for the fact that the workplace (society?) is generally an unfriendly place towards mothers, you have completely missed the point. It's like saying black people are to blame for racism. Ridiculous.

chocolatedot · 05/02/2008 08:29

Xenia, whilst in your corner of North London most women can probably reasonably expect well paid jobs and interesting opportunities, can't you see that sadly that isn't the case for the vast majority of the female poulation?

I can't understand how you can say you don't think you're right about things in your life. Unlike other people who might say things like "public sector jobs aren't for me as I'm more interested in making money" you declare that anyone working in the public sector is effectively an idiot. Likewise, with certain schools, rather than acknowledging that they may be suited to children who are perhaps more artistic and creative rather than academically brilliant in the narrow sense, you label them "thick" for going there.

I am genuinely flummoxed as to how you get along in RL if you really are so black and white in your views. We are well off but I do my absolute utmost to ensure that my family understand that the way we live isn't how 99.9999999% of the population live. It's very important to me to instill respect in my children for other people's choices and decisions in life.

karen999 · 05/02/2008 08:46

Xenia, sorry may have misunderstood one of your posts...are you saying being/getting divorced is the most humbling experiences ever??

lennygrrl · 05/02/2008 08:52

Message withdrawn

Judy1234 · 05/02/2008 09:08

It's certainly reasonably humbling - you go from smug married to public failure in a sense and particularly if people have said you're their role model -happy long marriage, loads of children, successful work... I'm just really saying underneath everyone has the same problems as anyone else in terms of life, relatinoships, death, illness.

On women getting good jobs I would like to see girls from council estates wanting to be prime minster, surgeons, running companies and I hope we can make all our daughters feel those choices are open to them and they should go for them rather than them saying women become housewives and men work because that's the role model they see at home. Once it is as likely a woman as man does a lot of things as is increasingly so then we don't need to worry so much.

Some very clever children are artistic and do well at academic schools. Some children are good at art and music and not very clever and I am sure parents try to pick the right schools for them. I have never said human beings aren't all entitled to equal rights under the law. I believe they are entitled to that but I do think we're all born very different and that any system which thinks they can make us all clones with the same IQ, same level of good or bad looks, same income, is doomed to failure.

MrsMattie · 05/02/2008 09:16

I don't know if it is because we are such hugely different people, but I find it really hard to relate with your model of the world, Xenia. It's like we're talking about two different planets. Perhaps it is because you are vastly wealthy?
I mean - Who are all these 'housewives' you speak of? I don't know any of them.

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