Naked charity calendar - AIBU

[Curtaincall1]

I recently purchased a naked charity calendar from a local sports club as a lighthearted way of helping a good cause and a little bit of fun. However I have told my partner and he has completely overreacted and wants me to get rid of it comparing it to pornography.
what’s more is my son overheard us arguing about the calendar and he’s not happy either and wants it binned.

AIBU

usually the models don't get paid to be naked.
The very definition of sexual exploitation.

Mmm. I'll no doubt be told NA rugby players ALT, but having worked in a bar frequented by them, I found it was more difficult to force them to keep their clothes on. Nothing more hilarious than pressing your bare arse up against the pub windows when women are stood outside, apparantly.

@Onnabugeisha ok valid point but these are charity calenders. No one is forced to do them.
Ones like the Australian Firefighters one are deliberately over the top in trying to look 'hunky' and 'sexy' but ones like a group of women posing for a Breast Cancer charity one tend to be more modest.

I have experienced pressure to do such a naked calendar for charity. I refused point blank and was then ostracised and ended up leaving a dance troupe as a result. Several others in the troupe who did do it, confided to me that they were uncomfortable with doing it but felt they had to and wished they could get on without the dance troupe like I could. So for that calendar, I know 25% of the women in the photos were literally coerced by other women.

You don’t have to put a gun to someone’s head to force them, there is such a thing as social coercion. I think this can happen to men as well as women.

@Onnabugeisha I am sorry to hear that happened to your dance group. It definitely shouldn't have happened. That isn't right - but if they didn't want to do it and were being told "you have too" they should have taken it further - to whoever the highest person in charge was. And if that was the person saying they "had too" I would have threatened to go to the police - as you can't force someone to pose naked.

I don’t think you understand how social coercion works. There is no direct “you must do this” it is all the expectation you’d be delighted to “help sea otters” or “stand with Ukraine” or “fight childhood cancers” and then the wide eyes when you say you’re not ok with it. The gossip and whispers that stop when you show up at practice. The cold shoulders and side eyes.

Then the oh, no we don’t need you for this booking or that booking…excuse excuse until you realise you are de facto not really a member anymore.

It’s nothing you could prove to the police.

Bet both Dh & Son both watch pornography online; double standards, keep your calendar ffs 🤷🏻‍♀️ HOW DARE WOMEN ENJOY A MANS BODY THE WAY A MAN ADMIRES A WOMENS BODY!
Heavens forbid

@Onnabugeisha ok I will admit I don't know how to respond to what happened in your dance group as it's not a situation I have ever been in.
Sorry to hear it happened 💐

What a gross overreaction

How would u feel if you came home to calender of naked women hung up in the kitchen? I would not hang something like up in my sons home either.

I was thinking the same thing. OP says she wouldn't mind... I certainly would though! Bizarre. I find those things tacky at best, and I thought we were trying to move on from objectified women AND men in this way? Naked calendars surely set us back a couple of decades...?

Have read the first page of this thread and I'm almost speechless. Since when did nudity automatically become "soft porn"? And as for the poster who's beating her breast about "other mothers' naked sons" - have you heard yourself?!

Only on prudesnet... 🧐

This - the opening post - is why references are made to other women's sons. The opening post introduces the calendar in the context of the op's son.

I would have bought the calendar to support the club, but probably just put it at the back of the cupboard or into the recycling instead of displaying it. Local sports club naked calendars are very dated and naff as opposed to offensive - I would just prefer a nicer calendar to look at all year.

It is just tacky, awful, or at best an outdated way of raising money. I would not call it pornography but would never buy one.

The “other mothers naked sons” line is one of the funniest things I’ve read on here for years. As a mother of a rugby playing son I agree with the pp who say it’s hard to get them to keep their clothes on 🙄. I wouldn’t have any issue with him doing a calendar like this but certainly wouldn’t hang it in our bedroom 😂.

Social coercion absolutely happens and your experience of the type of pressure women are put under to present in sexualised ways/breech their own boundaries is familiar to many of us. I worked in a bar where on Christmas Eve the female staff wore very revealing 'sexy santa' costumes. At 18 I knew no better and was fine with it. One of my colleagues wasn't and had the choice of wearing something she felt uncomfortable in, or wearing her regular clothes and being accused of not joining in. And getting fewer tips.
However, I do think its important when making comparisons to remember that men are not women. Their life experiences, the expectations on them and societal views of them are different. The feelings women have in certain situations can't be neatly transposed to men to argue that similar situations will be experienced by both sexes in the same way, and are therefore the 'same as'.
I'm not saying none of the rugby players were coerced. We don't know, no one has asked them. All we have really is a lot of projection from a woman's perspective, which is not at all the same as a man's.

I always find it helps if I read at least the opening post before I put my two pennorth in on a thread

You've completely missed my point. Bless.

And you completely get my point, @GoingtotheWinchester 😉

Charities up and down the country are not encouraging us to undress fully grown rugby playing men with our eyes - they're making a few bob for a good cause by recognising that most of them don't need any encouragement to get their kits off!

I'm sure you'll be patronising enough to elaborate on your point, which presumably wasn't that people have brought the fact that everyone is some mother's child in without the context?

Peak MN. Knew from the minute that this thread was about naked bodies that someone would use the word "vile" and there it was. "Other mother's sons" was a good laugh though. Round here anything to do with sex and nudity is seen as disgusting and something people have to be forced into - impossible that it could actually be fun.

Cheeky naked calendars are not for me personally and it's a little weird to hang one in your marital bedroom but none of this is a huge deal.

Actually thinking back at a university club I was part of, one of the other girls put one of these calendars up in the office. One of the boys protested mildly but we pointed out that as women we were bombarded with sexualised/near-nude women all day long on TV, in adverts etc, so a small dose of that wouldn't hurt him.

Ok 🤣

Nothing like the other way round, as has been said, try making rugby players keep their clothes on, or men generally. You see just as much on the beach.

Absolutely @baroqueandblue - my rugby playing son has never liked clothes, I can’t decide if it was this or the sport that first attracted him to rugby 😂.

I love this thread and hope it keeps running. It's one of the strangest and funniest things i've read for a good while.

Some slightly odd comments here OP. Having been in one of these calendars myself when I was a lifeguard, they're just a bit of fun and I highly doubt any of the lads mum's care, in fact it's highly likely they brought a calendar themselves to support the cause. Certainly I know my family did (although didn't display it or keep it that I know of - for obvious reasons!).

I think there's two sides to this, your husband's reaction is ridiculous and sounds like he feels a little threatened, particularly given I'd put money on him having watched porn but... I also agree with some that having naked people on a calendar in your bedroom is a bit off. Maybe in a home office (out of sight of laptop camera!) Or similar. I don't think I'd have it on display but we're all different.

I'd put this down as your husband being a bit of a child but wouldn't put the calendar up because it feels like something very minor so probably isn't worth the hassle of causing an argument over.

YANBU, I’d be showing them where they can go if they want to be controlling assholes at home.

Id be concerned I’d raised such a prude for a son as well