To still be annoyed at my mum about Christmas dinner last year?

[StillFumin]

I wish I could get over this as I’m sure I’ll be told I’m being petty and unreasonable but I just can’t seem to get over my anger!

So my mum ruins Christmas dinner every year. She either buys stuff too early so it goes out of date, burns something, undercooks something, forgets a key ingredient (like the fucking turkey one year!) or forgets to turn the oven on etc etc

After many years of “hilarious” disaster Christmas dinners we stopped going and did our own at home.

Last year she kept asking us to go there again. I kept saying no and making excuses but she made me feel guilty and I eventually caved. I did tell her though that DD was excited about Christmas dinner for the first time ever and we’d promised her “posh stuffing”, cranberry sauce, pigs in blankets etc and she couldn’t wait. My mum said that was no problem, she’d get everything.

Nearing Christmas I kept asking her “have you got the stuffing? Have you got the pigs in blankets? Do you need me to get anything … she said she had it all under control.

2 days before Christmas I rang her and ran through the list making sure she’d got everything. She said yes. I asked her if she’d defrosted the turkey - she said she was doing it “today”.

So Christmas Day arrives, we got there - DD all excited - my mum says “I’m so sorry, you’ll never believe what I’ve done … “

Already starting to burn up with fury I said “what”.

She’d forgotten to take the turkey out of the freezer. I was fuming. DD says “are we not having Christmas dinner now?” And my mum says “I’ve got sausages in, will that be ok?”

DD does not eat sausages and I don’t particularly fancy frozen Richmond sausages on Christmas Day either. DD starts getting upset at the thought of sausages.

I say “I’ve got gammon at home, I’ll drive back and get it” my mum says “oh, ok … what do you want with it? Mash?”

I say “just whatever you were doing with Christmas dinner!!” She says “but it’s all frozen - with us not having turkey I didn’t think you’d want the other stuff?”

So we have no Christmas dinner and you want to compensate with sausage and mash? I was beyond fuming and I still am!! I know in the grand scheme of things it’s a non event and over now but I’m still so angry about it!!

Long history of her doing stuff like this which adds to the annoyance.

This year I’m doing Christmas dinner and DD is again excited. I’ve invited my mum but told her I’m doing everything and want no help or interference. She keeps asking if I’m still mad at her. I’ve said no but deep down … grrrr!!!

Did you bother to read the OP's opening post, @Bazooka?

So exactly what the OP tells us she is doing in her opening post then?

Cheers Captain Obvious.

Cross-post @TrentCrimm

Great minds etc.

Some people on here need to RTFT before commenting!

If she asks again just say you were really disappointed and sad that she would do that to your dd

But - if you really need to get it off your chest - maybe tell her it was actually entirely expected as she's done similar so many times before and you are wearily fed up of it. State the examples

Then do Christmas the way you want it

The thing to keep in mind is your mum, for whatever reasons, is completely unreliable. Have a frank talk with her, don’t protect her feelings as she’s stepped all over yours countless times. Weigh up your options - go to hers but take supplies with you just in case or have her at yours instead or leave her out of it completely.

This isn't about you.

I'm a bit baffled why you fell for it if she's always like this?
Surely you knew it was likely to happen AS IT ALWAYS DOES ?!

Wow, so you've never complained about anyone, ever, in case you offend somebody who's been bereaved? That's quite an achievement!

@2bazookas RTFT she has.

this would piss me off is her name denise royle

my dm died 16 years ago btw if we're playing top trumps 2 weeks before christmas

If she's anything like the learned helplessness person I know, she'd still find a way to dramatically centre herself in this with a tearful 'see that's why I'm too scared to try..
(Sob! Sob!) Itll never be right.. (alas and alack!)'...🙄

I completely agree with the PPs who have said it's a control thing and a wish for drama (and possibly also a punishment). Much as it might burn, I wouldn't tell her you are still angry as no doubt that will be cause for yet more drama and upset.

Hope you have a lovely Christmas this year.

Would she object if her bacon sandwich had alleged black pudding on it? 😂

OP so what does she get out of this behaviour ?

When she's alone who turns her tv on , who turns her heating on ,who pays her bills ?

Does she have friends,siblings ?

What type of work did she do ?

@Clarinet1 😂😂😂😂

@Fusciainertia Ungrateful for what? What has OPs mother done that OP should be grateful for?

OP has tried inviting her, her mother would insist.

If the OP is anything like me, She would have been pissed off in January, mellowed about by about March, not thought about it at all and its come back bubbling to the surface now, she is being reminded of it.

I am perfectly capable of having a shit ton of worries, but everytime I see my cousin be pissed off she stole my toy when I was 7 and got away with it

If there's no special needs going on then I'd be telling her the truth. She gets away with acting like an idiot because you let her. So when she asked if you were angry at her you should have told the truth that actually you are fed up/annoyed/angry at her stupidity and that it makes you less inclined to spend time with her. Force her to confront the consequences of her actions and see how she behaves then. It might get you somewhere, it might not but often people feel better when they've at least said their peace instead of quietly seething.

What I want to know is, if DD doesn't eat sausages why is she so excited about pigs in blankets?

You win the internet today, as far as I'm concerned!

Don't be a dick. My mum's dead yet I manage not to use that fact to try and shame strangers on the internet 🙄

Don't you, dear? Are you quite new on the planet or something?

I’d be annoyed too, mostly because I think it’s entirely intentional. A grown woman acting helpless for attention is pathetic. Don’t accept an invite there again!

One off forgetting I think you should reasonably forgive. This seems a pattern and you have to decide if a point has been reached where you have to stop it happening, be it doing the dinner yourself or even having Christmas Day without her.

Well ur doing now what u shld have done last yr. Declined her invite but say u can come to us. So now u know she really can't be trusted to do it every again. I'd still be so annoyed too!