To ask if you expect your family childcare to look after your sick child?

[Diploessence]

If it’s something like covid/ Strep A/ Norovirus?

For general coughs and colds I don’t think it would matter, but for something a bit more nasty, would you expect and call upon your family childcare (e.g your mum) to look after your sick child? Would you be annoyed if they said no?

How on earth would you know the difference between bugs? How come so many people think they're virologists these days?

*y DM will be providing childcare for us soon and I said to DH that I wouldn’t feel right asking her to look after DC if they were ill, unless it was something minor like a temperature/ snuggle/ cough etc.

He said that looking after a sick child is part and parcel of providing childcare and she’s not much use to us if she won’t provide it when DC is ill.

Your DH is seriously deluded; it is most definitely NOT part and parcel of providing childcare. Every childcare, nursery, preschool, school setting I know will send that child right home. Where they belong. So they don't infect the other children in care, nursery, school, etc.

I would ask my mum. She doesn’t have any underlying health conditions and to be perfectly frank she would be offended if I didn’t call on her for help if I needed it. I am very lucky in that my mum and dad for that matter, will do their best to help out where they can. Chicken pox a few years back was one example. I couldn’t get time off work for 5 days, my mum came during the day and looked after my daughter until there was scabs and it was no longer infectious and could go back to school.

Oh no, he's wrong. Looking after the unwell, I'll child is the job of the parents.

If you're lucky enough to have someone in the family to offer to help with childcare it's important to respect them and appreciate it. Also be mindful of their health, how unfair and selfish.

I hear quite a few people speaking in a rather ungrateful way when DM/DPIL can't do extra childcare, on top of looking after 5 young children they can't have overnights........ Hmmm mm.

I voted YANBU but I'm not actually sure which way the voting was supposed to be as it looks like I'm in the minority with the vote but not the comments!

I would definitely not expect my mum to look after my sick child. Having said that, she does look after my one year old a couple of day a week and he has had one thing after another recently! She's had him if he's just been getting over something or it's been a runny nose, bit of a cough etc but anything more than that and my partner or I would be staying off work. Aside from anything else, poorly children (especially little ones) want their primary caregiver when they're poorly. I also wouldn't want to risk my mum catching anything. I realise however I m lucky as my employer does recognise paid carers leave. I know some don't.

Your husband sounds quite unpleasant in his way of talking about his mother who will be providing free childcare!

I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that.

You're absolutely right.

I've been cancelled on by my GP/Dentist these past two years for flu, covid, sick children, and fellow teaching staff is constantly struggling to care for their own ill children. The bugs are constant right now. And wow do parents complain.

I'm probably more sympathetic because of my position ... they're parents, too. And teachers/support staff parents are frequently the 'lower paid' professional in their households (in my circle), so they are the ones who most likely need to take the time off to look after their ill children.

the real problem is there is no supply/agency cover for GPs, dentists, teachers, etc ... when they can't come in, everything gets cancelled. Because the budgets don't allow for cover AND/OR there's no one available anyway.

No, why would you want anyone to catch Covid or Noro?! They can be horrendous conditions in the elderly. They can actually result in more pressure on hospitals if they are really severe. I do know that it is bloody awful to have to look after sick children when you are sick yourself -it is the absolute pits tbh - but infectious bugs have to be contained within the home.

My gran looked after me every time I was ill as a child (not that often). I never killed her with any of my childhood bugs! Mum was a single parent and had to work, and this was the day before adults got all precious about getting ill. (Never remember my gran ill bar the odd cold)

Your husband sounds charming!
I look after my grandchild , i would NOT go even if i was expected (which they wouldn't) for anything more than a cold or flu, a child needs his mum or dad under those circumstances.
But from the other side my daughter would not leave her child if very poorly with anyone else bar her husband, she would not be able to concentrate on her job properly. I realise some employers are more understanding than others, but employees surely expect a small amount of absentees from staff having sick children.

But from the other side my daughter would not leave her child if very poorly with anyone else bar her husband, she would not be able to concentrate on her job properly.

I'm the exact same. If she's sick and she's not with either me or her dad I feel anxious and panicky.

No

My mother-in-law looks after our little one even when she (the baby) is ill. If it were something infectious then of course not, though colds and the like aren't so much of a problem.

She is in a vulnerable position (had a stroke) but still wants to see her grandchild and frankly the quicker we can shuffle her off the better! yes I am kidding, she is an absolute life-saver and a wonderful grandmother. She even (with half sight) walked in the snow to the play group recently with my baby because she didn't want my baby to miss out!

No I really wouldn’t want them to be ill but it really depends on

• if it’s something that typically affects adults mildly or severely
• how they are
• how contagious child is
• how sick child is
• what other options I have

If something that could infect others, Strep A or Norovirus- Definitely NOT.
That is down to the parent/s to do.

He said that looking after a sick child is part and parcel of providing childcare and she’s not much use to us if she won’t provide it when DC is ill.

your DH is a knob. It isn't your mother's job to look after your child full stop so it's kind of her to offer.
when your child is sick, it's on you and DH, and you need to make sure that he steps up as much as you will be expected to.

My mom offers and does have my DS, but I’m a lone parent and a teacher so if I don’t show up to work then lots of other kids get let down too. Also I have limited sick pay and as the only earner in the house not getting paid could leave us in dire straits. It’s a sh**, lose-lose situation but my mom offers and means it so yes when my DS is sick she does have him. He adores her and it’s the next best thing to it being me looking after him.

I always find it weird that many contracts say time off for sick dc - until you can arrange alternative childcare… who is this magical childcare? (Apart from op’s mum).

Probably your grandmother had had all the infections you had as a child.

Adults can become very ill with chicken pox if they didn’t catch it as a child.

no its not part and parcel of childcare yu cant send them to school with a virus so why should you send them to a relative

his whole family have no sense-whats the point of them"" oh i dont know theyre only your parents

Yep! I always think the same!

"Time off for dependents in an emergency until an alternative can be arranged" or similar. Yeah, hang on... let me just get my completely fictional non-existent emergency back up childcare on speed dial right away. 🙄

Fucks sake. 😂

My mum only looked after DD once a fortnight, but if DD was ill I stayed home with her. I would never want her to pass anything on to my parents. Why would you spread a stomach bug around more people?

or if they have a high temperature and are really unwell, they just want their mum/dad, why would you dump them on grandparents when they need their own bed and home.

SIL is very selfish and your DH doesn't sound much better.

Imagine OP's husband also expects the childcare to be 'free'.

Twat.

My DP didn’t do regular childcare for us but instead offered to be our emergency care. They got it because they both worked when we were small, so they know how important that back up is to working parents. This was pre-covid but they always had the DC for any kind of illness (& usually managed not to catch it themselves).

Since covid they’ve been a bit more reluctant but now they’ve had covid themselves & were ok have said they are happy to have them again if needed (but our dc are older now so it’s less needed anyway).

PIL have also had dc when ill - the only thing they won’t do is sickness bugs & that’s fair enough.

We’re very lucky to have that support but would never expect it, and are always grateful for it. All DP are under 70, fit & well & retired so that has all contributed to them being able to help us.

And all the ‘oh I couldn’t possibly leave my child with anyone else, they just need mummy, I couldn’t possibly concentrate on work’ etc etc really wind me up with the implication that someone who does leave their dc are less of a parent. Loads of people rely on dh & me turning up to work each day; there are direct impacts of us not being there. I refuse to feel guilt for leaving my dc safe and happy with people who love them and I know will look after them well.