To ask if you expect your family childcare to look after your sick child?

[Diploessence]

If it’s something like covid/ Strep A/ Norovirus?

For general coughs and colds I don’t think it would matter, but for something a bit more nasty, would you expect and call upon your family childcare (e.g your mum) to look after your sick child? Would you be annoyed if they said no?

I think you're taking unnecessarily harsh line with SIL, who you obviously don't like. If MIL is happy it's all good. Remember MIL is doing something selfless for her child. That's what comes naturally as a parent, it doesn't stop because children become adults.

DH is being thoroughly unpleasant about your parents too though, although is that because he feels his mum and sister are being attacked?

Evidently he does not. 🤣

He's in for a shock when your child starts nursery/ school.

Also when children are very ill they only want Mum or Dad.

Wow, so providing free childcare for most of the time when they're healthy is no use to you?!

Well it’s a SIL and DH bashing thread really! Because I think they’re mentality is selfish and warped and was wondering whether I was actually the one BU.

Absolutely not.

Incredibly selfish IMO.

Dear god your husband sounds so heartless. Your mum is presumably providing free childcare but she’s ‘no use’ if she doesn’t want to risk becoming sick? That’s a horrible attitude.

A mild cold/regular virus thing is fine (though I would give them the option to cancel) but I’ve seen my mum seriously ill for weeks after catching the flu from my niece and I would never intentionally expose her to that risk.

My mum took DD1 when she had just recovered from COVID - she had just started brightening up when DH and I tested positive and started to feel dreadful.

She also took her for two full days (not overnight) when DD took Bronchiolitis but it was my first week back to work from maternity leave.

My DM insisted on taking her on both occasions, even though I had terrible mum guilt. All other instances of sickness DD has always stayed with me.

This. OP clearly just wanted to be nasty about SIL - it's tiresome and I can see why SIL doesn't like her.

OP, if you don't want to send your child to childcare when they're sick then don't - there's no question or dilemma here.

Taking a harsh line? Im not saying it to her am
I? There is lots of other stuff that I could post that illustrates her selfishness and entitled attitude but that’s not for this thread.

Yes it is between her and her mother, but the problem
is my husband sees that model as normal and now expects it of my mother and will most likely be po faced if she declines a bout of Covid/ Noro.

Can you imagine being that entitled that you'd say to someone providing childcare for free, that looking after your sick child is just "part and parcel" of the deal. I mean, you wouldn't even say that to an OFSTED approved provider who you've paid, never mind someone who you don't pay!

Imagine the nursery calling to say "can you collect your child please they've just vomited"...." Nope, sorry - that's part and parcel of what we pay you for".

As if.

🙄

I wouldn't ask my mum to, but I know she wouldn't stay away if DS was ill on the day she usually has him.

No I’d never pass a vomiting, ill child onto someone else. It’s really unfair & selfish. It’s the parents job to deal with it.

Will you be paying your mum?

No

My parents would happily have my kids if they'd been recently vaccinated/had covid before. They don't believe you can avoid all bugs and would rather see & help out with grandchildren. However neither are CEV, both had covid mildly so aren't scared of it.

My parents have my son one day a week while DH and I are both at work. Sometimes if he's I'll and can't go to nursery they have him if it's a minor thing like he's had a temp or runny poo but is fine in himself. But if he's actually not feeling well or needs to see a Dr etc then no we do not expect my parents to take care of him. We are his parents he is our responsibility.

Tell him that you won’t bother using your mum then, as she’s no use. You’ll put her into nursery and then pay for the privilege of keeping her at home when she’s ill. That’ll keep him happy…

As so often then, that's a DH problem. It's not SIL's fault.

I'd say it's more usual than not for sick children to go to family. Even when paid for childcare is used, parents need to find someone else when children are sick. Your arrangement is between you and your mother and whatever you decide is fine, but I don't think it's fair to be judging SIL if she has an arrangement with her mother that they're both happy with.

What does DH think happens at paid childcare when children are sick?

Yes this!

Wait til he realises how actual paid childcare works. Pay £55 for a day and then have your child sent home sick. No refunds. And lose a day at work as an extra bonus 👍🏻

Even when paid for childcare is used, parents need to find someone else when children are sick.

Yeah.... usually themselves.

Absolutely not! Thats the parents job!

Remind your DH that a nursery would definitely kick your DC out for all those diseases plus chickenpox, conjunctivitis, "slightly loose stools", "doesn't seem himself", "running a bit hot".

I'd happily let my DM look after my slightly poorly child if they had chickenpox or strep A, and maybe also Covid if DM had had it very recently herself. Not noro though, that's a horror even for a very young and healthy adult.

My sister used to except my mum to look after her kids regardless of what illness they had. It, also, didn’t matter if it was for work or going out on the piss. I lost count of the times my mum would tell me she’d caught something from them. My sister has always been an utterly selfish, spoilt cow though so it’s not surprising. No, I don’t like her, yes I have told her this to her face before anyone starts.

I didn’t expect anyone to look after our children when they were unwell, it was always me and DH. I won’t be looking after any poorly grandchildren either, unless they become sick in my care obviously.

Not norovirus. For things that don't involve shitting or vomiting, my DC have been looked after by family and I have also looked after other relatives DC, including when quite fevered and not fit for more than lying on the sofa.